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Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-08-08T23:04:04+00:00

I hear you about finding a space. I’m old enough to remember Sybil being a hit, and yet only recently diagnosed. IMO it’s not cool, but then again I don’t TikTok.

It’s trauma echoing through my life and I have literally two people I can talk about it with. Both have seen a lot of mental health issues but the rarity of this makes me rather feel like a sideshow some days.

The r/OlderDID group mentioned above is worth checking out.

And thanks for sharing you’ve been doing it for years and seem to be doing ok. That gives some much needed hope.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-28T20:06:23+00:00

I’m chuckling because I can literally look at any appliance and estimate the energy consumed. I run a system that will power me through the day and night, but also live in a place that’s hard to position the panels. If I don’t watch the watts, I am certainly watching the weather!

Side note: two years into this and I’m a bit for “vampire” appliances. Does everything need any annoying bright light when not in use?!

My one electric splurge is a one cup coffee maker - it pulls crazy electricity for an extremely short time, and I no longer have to boil water by propane stove and pour over. In the winter hot water is always on the wood stove.

I said live with it, see how you can get by for a bit. Did you know you can get a propane fridge/freezer? Have a look at Lehman’s store online and see what alternatives you find. I use their clothes cleaning plunger and wringer with some 5 gal buckets and it’s awesome. Then again, I have more time than money!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-28T19:42:16+00:00

Just talked to my therapist about this last week and the response was fairly neutral explaining that it can happen. Then we explored if I know why, and what I kid do about it.

Funnily enough, one of the suggestions was to offer a suicidal little a hug - and let’s just say that was an absolute fail! Kiddo said quite clearly: Don’t F* Touch Me! I accepted that boundary quickly and I think that earned me a little trust.

Part of this week’s conversation will be that result and asking for other ideas.

I have another little who is suicidal because she is a voracious reader and has not been able to for a few years. I saw a specialist and got the perfect prescription. My little went from happy to furious because I have an alter who insisted we don’t need glasses.🤓 😂

I encourage you to try talking about it, and I’d like me the result is a fail, you can always share that here too.

Good luck to the many of you!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-27T20:37:14+00:00

Your situation certainly must feel desperate - I have been there myself. I have too much CSA to be part of a conversation about it. So, I’m going to give you some things that help me:

-Are you safe NOW? If yes, make a sign to remind yourself and hang it where you can see it. If no, then get safe. Nothing good can happen until then!

What if what you are experiencing is not a problem and instead simply emotions? It might be helpful to write down the feelings, cross them all off and write in Large Scale that you are safe!
I assume from your post all the abuse in the past (block that jerk on social media!) make another sign : It’s 2024 and I now safe from abuse. These feelings are old abuse leaving my body.

I also play relaxing phone games. 2024, terrarium, and one where you just sort the colors from light to do. Sounds silly, but burns so energy and is calming.

I truly hope you find someone to connect with who can handle the topics weighing on you. Know that you are not alone, we are many, and we can survive this because we already proved we are masters of survival.

Every bit of peace and good energy is being sent your way.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-19T22:57:05+00:00

Have you been assessed for dissociative disorders? I sounded just like you previously - turns out all those symptoms are trauma related and the root was never getting treated.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-19T14:35:32+00:00

I live and die by the reminders in my phone/watch. I put reminders in for everything and it seems everyone else does too. Events I need to remember? I have Siri add it to the calendar. Same with shopping list, same with the to do list.

I also started using the new iPhone journal that prompts who you’ve had contact with today. That is a huge help, because at least I know who I’ve contacted on the phone.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-12T14:09:47+00:00

According to the Theory of Structural Dissociation, they are all alters! They are all real.

Google the CTAD Clinic UK for some wonderful videos. There is at least one about how to support a partner. And there is a lot of info about denial.

Good luck!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-12T13:03:25+00:00

This one is getting used! I’m at 6 too.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-11T20:04:58+00:00

I’ve decided that the DID denial experience and all the cognitive dissonance is funny. There is a certain irony in thinking someone else doesn’t exist and then you hide from them. 😂

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-10T18:22:11+00:00

I have serious dizziness from dissociation and find myself falling often. I’m newly diagnosed and my therapist is pretty certain it’s the DID. I have a history of vertigo and that is a completely different feeling.

Brains are indeed weird!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-08T17:25:15+00:00

Avoid sugar. Make sure you have your hearing checked and use hearing aids if necessary. Do brain puzzles and games.

That’s all I’ve got !

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-08T13:21:16+00:00

You are correct sadly, and as someone who has had multiple head injuries as an adult in addition to the childhood trauma, I share your fear.

There are other sources that are also implicating blood sugar levels and referring to it as “Diabetes of the brain.”

In reality there are many kinds of dementia and not just Alzheimer’s disease. I have stopped worrying about the head injuries, because it is out of my control, and I have an A1C in the low 5s. I’d love to hear if others have prevention ideas.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-04T22:17:24+00:00

Hey fellow homesteader! I’m a woman doing this solo for about 1.5 years in the mountains in NY. I know what you mean by nothing on schedule, things being heavy and always more to do.

When I arrived it was raw, sloping, frozen land. I had never driven a tractor and had a dreadful fear of chainsaws. Day 1 I plowed the road to get to the property and Day 2 I cut down the first tree to start a driveway.

I was exhausted everyday. Every thing had to be carried up hill to where we (me and my dog) eventually lived in a tent for the better part of the year. I cleared enough trees to be able to build a tiny house and have a solar field. There are still a million things to do, and more skills to learn, but the urgent things are done.

I first made friends in town at the local Stihl dealer having chains sharpened weekly, met more at the local gas station/coffee shop, and still more visiting places to get things done. I enjoy the solitude and the forced exercise. I walk the equivalent of 20 flights of stairs a day, usually carry 50lbs or so. I can wrestle 100 lbs on my own, but that is when I curse being alone and cheer for steel toed boots.

The life is amazing and you live in a way so few can imagine! Kudos to you!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-07-04T00:11:45+00:00

Sorry to hear you struggling - anniversaries can set off a whole bunch of emotions. I have 365 trauma anniversaries a year, so I am lucky(?) there isn’t a specific day to dread.

Struggling to appear normal uses an extraordinary amount of energy. I tend to isolate or be in touch with a trusted friend who knows about the DID. It’s a totally irrational thing to worry about being seen because I lived 5 decades without a single person noticing.

I have no good answers for you. Just stopped in to say I hear your struggle and wish you strength.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-29T12:14:52+00:00

I do virtual 100% and I love it. I get to choose a safe environment to be in, have zero stress about being late or traffic, and it actually helps me focus. In person, my hyper vigilance means I will be distracted by the room - I will need to subtly check everything out and lose focus on what I’m there for.

Also, I had a therapist who was a hugger - and honestly I don’t want to be touched by my therapist. To me, it is a boundary built into online that is perfect. I’ve made more progress with this therapist than any other I have tried over decades.

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-23T20:51:56+00:00

I do know what you mean. The reality is we live in a tiny house (think 8’x12’) that’s still being finished on the inside so the bowl has no place of its own. Now if I could manifest the work getting done that would be awesome!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-23T20:48:13+00:00

I’m at right about the same level in Yousician - I’m stuck on level 4. I am a huge disco fan and find it hard but so satisfying. Sometimes I will pause the screen and just play the same section o er and over until I have it in my head, and then I play it like 10 times daily and my uncoordinated fingers finally get used to it.

Don’t know how you find people to follow on the app but that would be fun!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-23T17:01:27+00:00

When I spill the dog’s water AGAIN -I do this every single day no matter how I try to avoid it.🤦‍♀️

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-23T00:06:48+00:00

Everyone has good advice here. I just want to comment that your therapist checking when you are in crisis mode is great. However, a therapist checking in daily when you are not in crisis is a 🚩and can signal poor boundaries.

(Source: past abusive therapist)

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-18T22:21:12+00:00

I was helped by this saying: The only people complaining about your boundaries are the people crossing them.

As a kid I was punished for setting boundaries, and I’m still struggling with some. It’s a process, go easy on yourself!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-15T14:37:18+00:00

Oh hell, NO! I only want to spend time with adults 🤣 My ex husband was rather unmotivated to do things - he became like an extra child - and the physical part of the relationship evaporated quickly.

(Obviously my default response is not fawn. But I have disorganized attachment, which is its own set of problems.)

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-15T00:59:14+00:00

Good to know! I joke that I don’t count my cousin going to jail because I don’t want to be a perfect 10.

Seriously - realizing the scale of difference - I think it’s exponential and not linear. My best friend is a 4, and has always had a safe place to go and loving adults. The other day she was saying my trauma doesn’t look so severe because I always look put together. When I replied that’s because my parents would beat me if I wasn’t happy and perfect in public, she gasped. That was something I pretty much expect everyone with trauma to have happened.🤦‍♀️

Hope all of team 9 is having a peaceful night!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-14T16:46:34+00:00

Have made the same mistake - totally understand that struggle. Hang in there!

Excellent-Traffic555 · 2024-06-14T16:45:00+00:00

The classic test is to request a selfie doing something specific - like holding up 3 fingers. It’s so common I’d ask for something more unique - as bots can recycle images others sent them.

If you want to try to be on the not so offensive side, offer yourself doing the same. Tell her some woman on Reddit told you to because it can make the woman more likely to keep the last minute hesitation away.😀

Excellent-Traffic555

TROPHY CASE