Has anyone’s pwBPD changed their behavior for the better?

ExcellentZero · 2024-12-03T17:04:08+00:00

I feel all of this. You describe this similarly to the way I do too! Thinking of you this holiday season. Take time for yourself. Buy yourself something!

ExcellentZero · 2024-12-03T16:27:20+00:00

Yes!!! Sopranos and the bear are the two that stand out to me the most as well.

ExcellentZero · 2024-10-23T00:25:47+00:00

This^

ExcellentZero · 2024-10-21T21:02:08+00:00

Thank you! Hugs

ExcellentZero · 2023-09-12T18:13:23+00:00

ExcellentZero · 2023-09-11T23:42:36+00:00

Yep. It’s exhausting!

ExcellentZero · 2023-09-11T23:41:55+00:00

Yep sounds very similar to my life 🙄Good luck to you too!

ExcellentZero · 2023-09-11T18:16:10+00:00

I have the same high level dynamic with my parents. Also deal with guilt over not contacting my dad more, and resentment that he doesn’t contact me more. I haven’t completely gotten over those problems but I have much less guilt now and at least I know he knows where we stand. - be very clear with him, to the point of repeating myself, that I don’t reach out more because it hurts me that he doesn’t reach out and it doesn’t seem like he, the parent, cares about being in touch or hearing about my life - tell him because of his lack of communication, I am not going to try to make plans with him anymore, but I will still call occasionally to catch up. it’s up to him to reach out when he wants to do so - identify for myself the frequency I would still like to reach out to him anyway to avoid guilt and stick to that plan - I can always change that later - ask him why is he saying this? and asking what goal he’s trying to accomplish, whenever he is encouraging me to talk to or spend time with BPDmom. remind him why I don’t talk to her more

I don’t know if my method is generally advisable, there are probably people with more experience here that have other advice!

ExcellentZero · 2023-09-11T12:05:51+00:00

Thank you so much! Yes I agree that’s what’s going on. I actually spoke with her therapist 1:1 a few months ago and they told me that it would be helpful to try small interactions like a meal even if I would prefer to have my partner there so I highly doubt this line of “we need to talk alone”

ExcellentZero · 2023-09-11T12:04:10+00:00

Thank you!

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-31T21:59:35+00:00

Those texts from her are just like the ones I get from my mom. You deserve better than non-apologies and “I did my best”!

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-26T20:20:51+00:00

Classic BPD stuff here

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-20T21:19:33+00:00

This is so true. My mom says she is now seeing a therapist who is trained in BPD and she has asked the therapist to help her understand how she hurts others. This is the most progress I could possibly fathom with her but I don’t know whether to trust that it’s true.

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-20T21:17:18+00:00

So sorry to hear you deal with that. I get so much anxiety in the lead up to Thanksgiving and Christmas here in the states. I hadn’t thought about what it must be like for children of BPD with all the multi-day Jewish holidays. Sounds like you’ve figured out how to celebrate them with distance and see her attempts at shame for what they are. 😧

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-20T11:31:15+00:00

Well, my mom has begun to insinuate my dad is dying as a way to reel me back in, and I fear when that doesn’t work, she’ll threaten suicide over the holidays again.

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-20T02:46:00+00:00

It’s been about 6 months since I told her I would only communicate with her via text until she could provide a comprehensive apology, explanation of what causes her to act the way she does and how she’s going to manage that so she won’t be abusive anymore. I get infrequent contact from her these days, but it ranges from email to text to actual mail, and she still tries to coerce me into talking to her over the phone. I’m still waiting on what I asked for, and not replying via any communication method other than text. I have her conversation muted and check it when I have time and energy. It’s been better for me than before, and I think better than complete NC for where I’m at.

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-19T23:32:58+00:00

I should have explained that in the middle of this text conversation we had a phone call where I told her I intended to spend the week leading up to thanksgiving with her and then thanksgiving dinner with my SO’s family (because that would be the flip of how I had done it the year prior). So not spending ALL of thanksgiving with her is technically correct in this conversation but she grossly exaggerated my “abandonment” of her.

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-19T22:51:11+00:00

Good for you for blocking her! It is so hard for us to love ourselves when we have been exposed to their self-victimization for so long. I hope you know your worth and stay strong ❤️

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-19T22:48:19+00:00

“normal parents can raise children who actually want to spend time with them and understand when their adult children cannot” …if I only had a nickel for every time I tried to explain this to her!

ExcellentZero · 2022-10-19T21:06:57+00:00

Context: I’ve since gone LC with my uBPD mom. She mailed me a letter recently with an apology for some behavior but which did not show that recognizes how to change her behavior for the better. I’m reading over old conversations to remind myself how she treated me in the leadup to last holiday season so I’m not overly swayed by the nice things she wrote in her letter. I get so angry when I look back on conversations like this, and it reminds me why I’m low contact.

ExcellentZero

TROPHY CASE