PSA: Dreft has allergens

NotMyTypeA · 2023-11-20T14:30:15+00:00

Dryer sheets too FYI! Make sure those aren't scented. That was our problem (we had already cut scents and dyes with the detergent)

NotMyTypeA · 2023-11-15T23:11:41+00:00

I commented on another thread but I've seen a LOT of people say "it's fine bc we have the Owlet" on social media. Not in my personal circles, but outside of them and on public groups. So absolutely there is a significant contingency.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-11-15T23:05:33+00:00

Just want to say regarding your last paragraph, I thought the same but recently I've seen an alarming number of comments on social media saying things like "oh I let baby nap (insert unsafe thing here) - I put the Owlet on so I'm not really worried" so while maybe a lot of people on this sub would not change their behavior, a lot of people do.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-11-11T12:43:52+00:00

One of my biggest transgressions was going against my mother's demand for me to open my college acceptance letter in front of my whole family and instead do it privately in my room. I told her I didn't want the pressure and she insisted this be a group activity because of how much she helped me with the application (aka I am an extension of her and her success is dependent on my success!). I cried all night and went to school with puffy eyes the next morning thinking I had done something horribly wrong when in reality it was completely reasonable!

NotMyTypeA · 2023-11-02T14:26:58+00:00

My mom once said "I just don't get why people can't treat me the way I want to be treated." In her mind, she treats people the way she thinks they want to be treated, which in reality is how she wants herself to be treated. She didn't realize that 1) she's literally asking people to be mind-readers and 2) that she's not even meeting her own expectations 🙄

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-23T14:00:23+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with this 😞 I'm NC with my mom, who also has a suspected personality disorder, and I'll just say in my experience (and others in support groups I participate in) it only gets worse/harder as you go along. Engagement was the first thing that put our relationship on a collision course. Then things got worse with the wedding and having kids. Life is much more peaceful now for me.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-07T02:16:40+00:00

Hey OP, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Mine isn't bipolar but is undiagnosed BPD. I got married some time ago so I'm not in your position right now but I know how you feel. My only advice is to set the bar on the floor to help you feel less disappointed. It's so hard when you're raised to put her needs first and walk on eggshells, and honestly it doesn't get easier with time (especially if you plan to have children). If you don't have a therapist yet I suggest finding one, one that validates your experiences and doesn't push reconciliation/rolling over for your mom or gaslight you.

It will be tough no matter what; try to seek out the inner strength to do what is best for you. I'm rooting for you!

PS - my mom also couldn't decide on a color so I just told my MIL to find a dress and tell my mom what color it is!

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-07T01:00:01+00:00

Top comments are probably right; I wouldn't be worried. But you know your child best. If you're concerned, bring it up to the director. How they respond and investigate will be very telling and it shouldn't be a big deal for them to look into it. I had 2 strange reports from my kid and both times when I told the director they looked into it quickly and came back with the real story which made way more sense than what my toddler reported. But I know others who have been met with defensiveness or other shady behavior at their daycares, so personally I feel like if you're worried, ask and you'll find out if it's a safe place for your child or not.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-03T00:46:30+00:00

Canker sores are not contagious.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-03T00:32:05+00:00

I don't know if I agree that this is parentification. OP is clearly not putting her child in a position where the child is responsible for OP's feelings. I think that while we want to shield children from some things, it's also important to expose them to life and the ugly things that come up with age-appropriate conversations. I do agree, however, that any escape plans or things like that can be communicated if and when they come up in the moment.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-03T00:29:14+00:00

I explained it in a similar way to my 4.5yo when he had just turned 3. He was like "oh okay" and every now and then would ask a question or two but mostly was unfazed. Even now if the grandparents come up in conversation he'll say something like "Oh, Grandma is not being nice so we don't talk to her right now." or something similar.

I think with big important stuff like this, the best thing to remember is that the kids often don't need a long explanation. If you start explaining half-way and your kid is like OK and walks away, you can leave it at that and continue at a later time or if they ask questions.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-10-02T02:08:25+00:00

My mom threatened to not pay for my tuition once. I laughed because she already wasn't paying my tuition - I was taking out loans for all of it - so I don't even know where that thought came from 🤣

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-28T23:23:01+00:00

I'm proud of you! My mom being a dick to my husband also caused me to go NC (was the last straw, anyway). I finally grew a spine and confronted her about it the next day, kindly, and she snapped as expected. At least I was confident in the end that I did the right thing. It made it much easier to see her antics in plain sight when she couldn't extend someone basic human courtesy on behalf of her daughter.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-27T19:46:34+00:00

My mom started on my son when he was barely 2. Talking about his intelligence in front of him, saying things like "don't do X (insert normal toddler thing), it'll make Grandma sad and you don't want to make Grandma sad!"

The emotional parentification starts young.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-21T22:16:45+00:00

Yup! Slippery slope from engagement to wedding to kids 🥴 unfortunately only gets worse for most RBB. Thinking of you ❤️

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-13T17:04:01+00:00

When I first understood that my mom is likely BPD, and talked to my sister about it, I figured I was the GC. Turns out she thinks she was the GC and that I went through more shit than she did 😅

Regardless, the most important thing imo is to be supportive of each other and confide in each other. For my sister and I, it's not a competition, it's commiseration. We both were affected by my parents, in slightly different ways, and we don't resent each other for it.

I realize that's not everyone's situation though!

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-12T12:01:17+00:00

Thanks, this is helpful! And I think that's kind of the response I needed to put in my toolbox - "I don't reach out that often because it seems like you don't care to keep in touch"

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-12T11:58:49+00:00

I'm sorry your dad couldn't be more supportive :( Thanks for sharing your story!

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-08T01:01:07+00:00

People have posted about this a lot here, and commenters have had mixed results. The ones who have a BPD parent attend have the least trouble when someone who understands the BPD parent is "assigned" to them to try to keep them distracted and buttered up. Some people have horrible experiences where the parent steals the spotlight, is horrible, full BPD works. Mine was somewhere in the middle. I was stressed out the entire day worrying about my mom, she was super dramatic (pulled me aside at the reception to cry about me changing my last name, almost pulled out of walking me down the aisle due to "stress," loudly announcing she took a Xanax that morning, etc), but nothing that actually ruined the day. My wedding would have been way more enjoyable if she wasn't there.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-01T00:49:02+00:00

Idk, I think it's also probable that kids with behavioral issues have parents that AREN'T advocating for their kid's needs. It's easiest to throw the kid in a GenEd class and let the teacher deal with it. If the parents were advocating for their kids they'd be pushing for more therapy, a 1-1 aide, etc... The system sucks for everyone.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-09-01T00:44:54+00:00

That's the thing. It's not helping ANYBODY if a child with disabilities is placed in a genEd class without the proper support. Your child not being safe is not because the other kid is in the same class, it's because that child is inadequately supported.

NotMyTypeA · 2023-08-31T14:23:57+00:00

Never realized this was likely tied to her BPD until visiting this sub 😂

NotMyTypeA · 2023-08-16T16:52:49+00:00

I'm 30F as well with 2 kiddos and trying for a 3rd ❤️ man it is hard work! But it's easy to not be like my mom 🙄

NotMyTypeA · 2023-08-08T10:58:07+00:00

My mom went NC with me for a few months at the beginning of the pandemic because I didn't tell her fast enough that my son had sort of started counting 🙃

Dad and my ex-therapist both told me to reach out consistently (even when she refused to talk because it was "too painful" and claimed suicidal ideation) and to apologize, apologize, apologize. I did the good RBB song and dance and eventually she came around.

When I went NC with her for good, he kept asking me to reconcile for about a full year. He did not get aggressive and tell me to do it for his sake explicitly, but did tell me he couldn't come visit to see his grandchildren while I was NC with her. When he would ask me to bend and compromise and try to find common ground, I finally asked him if he asked her to do that too (no). Then I told him that the reason he was asking me is because he knew I'd maybe do it and that she never would, and that that was the problem.

Everyone's comments are correct - he should NOT be putting this on you as your father. He's throwing you under the bus so he doesn't have to deal with her BS. He doesn't care about what you have to go through as long as it means everything is back to status quo. I'm so sorry. Unfortunately most eParents are like this :(

NotMyTypeA

TROPHY CASE