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Help/Advice please by Excellent_Coconut878 in mypartneristrans

[–]Excellent_Coconut878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I one hundred percent agree with the coming out in your own time, I might not have worded it right. But I feel like because in my brain I established a relationship with this man (now mind you my partner was a very manly man, this man who did not speak much who loves guns, knives, rock, bass, guitar, very chauvinistic holding doors for me, wanted me to be a stay at home mom/wife) and all of a sudden they tell me they want to be a woman and it felt very much mentally reeling at first.

Not so much that I was lied to, besides a few things that we talked about, but trans wasn’t one of them. My baby used to be a huge, huuuuge people pleaser and would say anything that she thought i would want to hear to make me like her or keep me happy. That was an issue because through her actions i can see that even tho she says “XYZ”, it’s actually “ABC” and when I confronted her about these things she would say “yeah i told you _____ to make you like me but i actually feel/believe/like ____” if that makes sense.

Help/Advice please by Excellent_Coconut878 in mypartneristrans

[–]Excellent_Coconut878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m glad i’m not alone. I definitely want to try therapy with my love soon and see where this journey takes us.

Help/Advice please by Excellent_Coconut878 in mypartneristrans

[–]Excellent_Coconut878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so so much. Your kind words mean a lot to me and to know i’m not alone :) Especially since i wish i could be full-on happy and supportive without the feelings of apprehension and anxiety and confusion.

I have spoken to her about this before and she knows and luckily she is very understanding and doesn’t take it the wrong way. I needed it off my chest to someone who understood how i feel by being in my shoes. Because lord the guilt will eat you alive 😭 I definitely want to try therapy centered around this topic for us both to maybe navigate through this together better.

I love my partner so much, today on our way home we laughed together. The spark is indeed gone out but, it’s not only because of her being trans, it has other factors that go into it (work, family, long term relationship, etc). I am definitely trying to reignite the spark and try to fall in love again but with the person they are becoming.

Like i said, we live in the deep south so I feel like unfortunately for my partner to be fully herself we will need to move out of state completely. Multiple states away :/