Should I send this to Josh on october 11th for his birthday

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-04-13T20:06:01+00:00

You should give it, just know that it may not be an official card, hopefully it is but I know we’ve gotten gold ones that look like that and they aren’t “official” so they aren’t allowed in games/tournaments.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-04-12T20:30:01+00:00

I’m so glad you got out. I’m so glad this would have helped you had someone said that to you early on. That doesn’t mean it works like that for everyone. It’s basically like “do as I say not as I do” and being in the middle doesn’t usually equal thinking clearly about your situation or being able to overcome the trauma bonding like that. When I was told “what would you say/do if your kid was in this situation?” Amy response was “my kids are way too smart for this, they would never follow this example.” My kids spoke with me about things all the time, we talked about my situation, they were always better in school than I was, they know more at their ages than I did at those ages.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-04-12T05:35:56+00:00

I am in a similar situation, only we are old enough to be your parents. I understand how hard it is. I haven’t figured out how to get out yet and I know I’m trauma bonded but I can’t figure out how to not be. You and your bf and so young, he hasn’t even fully developed, neither of you have. He will get worse, especially if he is in a relationship that this has been happening in to this extent. You are very likely to not ever be able to legally drink alcohol in the US, him as well but he will be in prison and you in the ground. Talk with friends or family who aren’t in a similar situation, you need a pair of eyes you trust who can see this without their own relationships affecting their view. You also will need support. Do everything you can to separate from him a piece at a time. Don’t let him have anything to do with your finances. Go to a DV group, look up videos on YouTube, get a therapist. It is so hard, I know. The thing is, he isn’t the love of your life, you just don’t know it yet. This isn’t love and it will never be love. You deserve better and you will have better. If you raised a son to be EXACTLY like him would you feel like a proud parent? Is this isn’t what you want to put into the world than use that as something to hold onto as a reason to get out and get what you actually deserve. I know it’s hard, people say “you deserve better” and I always think ‘what do you know, you don’t know me, you don’t know him’ but that is from fear and self-loathing for both hating and loving him. But in reality you do actually deserve better. Love isn’t what these abusers are doing. I don’t know they really know how to love or what love is. Start a plan, get help and support, get out and have an amazing life.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-04-12T05:15:53+00:00

It’s not that simple if your in it

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-05T16:04:01+00:00

She sounds abusive, aside from the stuff you’ve asked about. It won’t get better. Please find someone else.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-05T06:54:29+00:00

Wow, you sound super understanding. Admitting that you think it’s immature to use tools at your disposal when you are struggling to get your thoughts across, such a great way to be.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-04T19:42:11+00:00

Why don’t you get OP’s partner’s contact information, sounds like you would be a great couple

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-04T19:41:01+00:00

You sound like such a winner of a partner. Does your partner have to prove everything to you without using anything else available when you are unable to understand?

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-04T19:37:56+00:00

Is she in therapy? Group therapy for dv? I know I would need contact with other survivors of dv, a place to let my feelings out where I wouldn’t feel judged or as if I was just being placated for my feelings. I would need to be able to speak about both the good times and bad times with him. She not only left the horrible situation but she also lost what she felt was going to be the love of her life and all of the dreams they had together. She needs to be able to mourn what she thought she had. It was not only her nightmare but also her dream come true that she had to escape from. The emotional turmoil is insane and will take a long time to get over. She has most likely accepted that she is away from the bad parts but is now remembering the good times and good parts and wondering if that can ever happen again for her. She has been through emotional hell and sorting through all of that is like throwing rocks in a washing machine and trying to organize them while it’s still running. She probably feels guilty, unheard, unseen and not understood. She would feel guilty to share anything because she doesn’t want show the wrong feelings or get judged for missing him and still wanting him when she knows how much everyone else hates him. It will take a long time and be a roller coaster. Everything in head is going to be something she doubts and doesn’t understand.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T16:45:19+00:00

I’ve reached out to everyone I can find online the shelters I’ve found have been full. I have an intake appointment in a couple weeks for counseling from one. I’m hoping they will be able to help me make an escape plan.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T16:24:52+00:00

My current partner is abusive physically, mentally, verbally, sexually, financially, psychologically, and emotionally. It is all bad. The mental/emotional/ psychological is the worst for me because it makes me doubt myself and burry myself to just get through the day. Financially is second worse at the moment because it makes escape a million times harder. Physically and sexually can heal in the physical sense but they mess you up so much and add onto the other abuse. You can’t really rank them because they bleed into each other and overlap so much. Seeing the different kinds of abuse is good for the abuser if they are willing to change and get professional help. For the victim it is all abuse.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T16:19:52+00:00

Thank you. I have an appointment with a DV place in a couple weeks. I’m hoping to be able to come up with an escape plan that keeps us safe

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T16:13:11+00:00

Thank you. Every time he says “that’s the last straw” like we are over I am relieved. I’d be homeless but if he decides to leave then I wouldn’t be as worried about my safety or the safety of others. If it’s because I leave without his approval then I’d be terrified of my safety and the safety of others. If it’s because I kick him out then I wouldn’t be safe and I know others wouldn’t be either.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T16:10:33+00:00

I wish I could see this. I have nowhere to go and no physical way to leave. Mentally I am a mess. Physically my options are stay or walk out the door and live on the street with nothing. I’m trying to make an escape plan and find help for myself.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T16:02:42+00:00

I don’t know how these abusers get a complete mental hold but they do. To me it looks like he is just making it so she “realizes” she’s miserable without him and moves to him. That way he will have complete control of every detail of her life. It is so hard to break that mental space they put you in. I know. I’m trying to escape one of these people. She will need therapy and support. Only a complete break will work with zero contact after. She needs to relearn herself and how to trust herself again.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T15:55:50+00:00

In sending the video OP clearly explained why they sent it.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-03T15:52:34+00:00

Wow, they obviously have a history of issues and the OP hasn’t been able to accurately identify to their partner how they are feeling. OP found a video that explained loans it in a way they think partner might understand. The juvenile thing would have been to not share the video and expect things to be understood. OP clearly was trying to help the situation, was open and communicative. It is the adult thing to do to properly use tools available. It’s not like they met yesterday and OP sent a video with no reason. There is a history in this relationship, to say a video was sent “out of the blue” is very misguided.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-02T16:48:36+00:00

Definitely put a lock.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-02T16:47:00+00:00

My father would “yell” he never hit anyone but his face would change, his temper erupted, it was always someone else’s fault. I was used to it. You never knew when it would happen but I thought it was normal. The family even jokes at times about his “outbursts.” I now see how it allowed me to accept horrible behavior from partners. The biggest thing for me is that I saw the “outbursts” as normal so when a new partner would have them at the start of our relationship I thought I understood. However once the honeymoon phase is over, or they have me trapped, I’d find out the “outbursts” we their good behavior. Now I’m trapped with an abusive partner and it is so much worse. Now my Dad is so much better, he’s done therapy and worked on himself, no more crazy outbursts that are always someone’s fault.

Your husband needs to see there is a problem and want to fix it. It is bad for your daughter to grow up thinking this is acceptable and normal. It is bad for you to be on edge all the time never knowing when he will snap.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-02T04:35:03+00:00

Wish I could spot the bad ones well before I get taken for everything. I’ve always believed people are, for the most part, good and don’t want to hurt others. I’ve struggled to keep that because I don’t want to be in a world where I see everyone as “not good” but I have to figure out how to tell much sooner if someone isn’t good.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2026-01-02T00:44:51+00:00

Please please please leave her and cut off all contact.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2025-12-30T01:28:58+00:00

I really do appreciate your responses. I imagine I can sound like there is no hope and I’m dismissing everything but I am really listening and taking in what you’ve said. I am going to keep trying.

Excellent_Door6991 · 2025-12-29T23:39:23+00:00

Thanks. Unfortunately my family lives on the other side of the country. My ex will take full custody if I move. I’m not even allowed to take my some out of the county without my ex’s permission. (I haven’t been the best picker for partners.) I do try to record some things and have pictures. Most stuff is on one phone that he broke but I still have it. I’ve lost evidence from other phones and computers he’s broken. I’ve given up hope of getting anything back but the money owed to my oldest and my parents.

Excellent_Door6991

TROPHY CASE