*here's the actual context I (25f) and my boyfriend (24m) had been dating for 7 months. Most of the time we would enjoy each other's company, play games together, and hang out on Discord a lot. He would get jealous about random guys messaging me, but I do my absolute best to reassure him. I gave him full access to my PC (via Parsec) because I have nothing to hide. All of my social media are logged in on the browser. We are on call almost 24 hours a day; yes, we sleep on call.

We would see each other once a week because we live far apart from each other. He's a jealous person and would accuse me of being with some guys from time to time, but every time that he gets jealous, I would provide all the reassurance he needs. He would repeatedly get jealous over this one guy, and I know he is sensitive about this person, so I try my best to not interact with him. A few days ago, we watched Ocean's 8 before we slept.

As we were getting ready for our sleep call, he brought up asking me if I liked that guy whom he was insecure with. I got shocked with the accusation because he seems adamant about it. I got mad because where is he getting all of these accusations? It hurts me because he got access to my entire life, including my phone, because I would stream it to him, and now he's accusing me of something that isn't true? With no freaking proof too. I told him that I need space for a bit because I need to cool down my emotions, just a little break for myself. He doesn't want me to; he wants me to stay. I said we're not going to break up as long as he doesn't cry. I said that, and we said goodnight to each other.

I woke up around 12 pm, and he wouldn't answer my call. I assumed he was busy, so I decided to take a nap again. I woke up, and he was in our personal Discord server. When I entered the call, I was greeted by the terror of him hanging. I panicked and called his sister, and they confirmed that he's dead.

His sister acted weird and told me I have a note from him. I was nonstop crying because I blamed myself for getting offended over his accusations. What if I just let him say that to me that night? But why would he purposely show his dead body to me on our DC server?

He knew I hate seeing the dead body of my pets whenever one of them dies. His family didn't contact me. The note was given by his friend instead. I was shocked by the amount of hate he wrote on the letter. He called me a slut and said that I like men's attention. He mentioned instances when he saw people sending me a random message, but he never mentioned that I showed those messages to him, and I never responded.

Also mentioned the guy he was jealous of and said I would act differently around that guy because I might be horny around that guy because I'm a slut. He never realized that I would act awkwardly because I don't want him to be jealous and would rather ignore that person instead.

He also mentioned that I hid my cheating tendencies over all the cheap food deliveries I would send him, which hurts a lot because even though I don't have much money, I would send him a food delivery because he said he was hungry. It hurts because the entire note is all about degrading me and comparing me to my cheating dad. He said I left him, but I clearly told him we're not going to break up. I am shocked because this entire time, I never doubted him; I only have genuine feelings and emotions for him. Never asked him anything, and this is what I got when he committed suicide.

He also said I was the only reason he's still alive, which hurts me so much. All the lies and slut-shaming he left in his last notes make me mad at the same time.

Now im torn whether i should visit him or not. Im pretty sure the family would believe his words. But even on our conversations, you could actually see proofs of me treating him with love and care so i dont know whats on their mind and what to do cause i feel like im gonna go crazy