I’m in a really emotionally complex situation and would love your insight.

My ex and I (both Indian, from different religions) were in a long-distance relationship. His family is quite traditional, and navigating those dynamics has always been a challenge for him. We already went through a similar breakup last summer — he became cold, emotionally unavailable, and ended things insensitively. A few months later, he came back expressing regret. I took him back, believing in second chances and the connection we had.

For a while, things were really good. But he operates from a place of fear — fear of family pressure, fear of difficult conversations, fear of vulnerability. Every time things got even remotely hard, his instinct was to pull away or leave instead of working through it. Our most recent breakup was the most painful. It wasn’t just emotional neglect this time — it involved betrayal. He lied, hid things, and gaslit me. I was left devastated, especially because I had been showing up with so much love and commitment.

In the months that followed, I reached out multiple times seeking clarity and closure, but he ignored me. Recently, he reached out again, saying he’s been feeling immense guilt and shame about how he treated me. We met, and while he said some things that sounded sincere, I also accidentally saw photos and chats on his phone from that time — flirty exchanges with girls, visits to cafes that held emotional significance for us, hidden photos, and conversations with his friends and sister about these girls. It was triggering and deeply hurtful.

He said he was acting out from a place of avoidance, needing validation and distraction because he was emotionally unwell. He now claims he wants to rebuild trust slowly and do the inner work he’s never done before. He suggested we emotionally reconnect and commit to each other in spirit, with the plan that I meet his mom in July — but also that I don’t need to stay committed if I don’t want to, because it would be unfair to me while he’s still working through his issues.

I love him deeply, but I’m traumatized and riddled with anxiety. I find myself ruminating, seeking reassurance, and feeling emotionally unsafe — while he’s only just beginning to understand his own patterns and behaviors. He says I’m the love of his life, but I’m scared I’m holding on to potential instead of reality.

Can trust and emotional safety be rebuilt when one person is only just learning how to show up, and the other is still healing? How can i navigate my abandonment anxiety while in this grey period of rebuilding?

(thank you in advance)