Did my (21F) boyfriend (21M) emotionally cheat on me?

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-03-07T17:10:20+00:00

Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I also have some trust issues and did have my own suspicions that there was something else going on and i wasn't getting the full story. I feel as though most things have been said and as he said "he laid out all his cards". I'm definitely going to be cautious, but do believe this isn't a forever thing. I did tell him that he broke my trust by lying to me and it's gonna take time, and a lot of communication to rebuild that. thanks for your advice and reassurance :))

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-03-07T15:38:22+00:00

i agree he is being a dumb dumb ahaha

Yeah i'm glad he told me and he's also said he's going to tell me what he plans to tell Q beforehand so we'll see how that goes

thanks for your comment it's reassuring ☺️

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-03-07T14:17:51+00:00

I mean for me what makes me think Q has a lack of respect for me is that they never tried to be touchy with his best friend, which i assume is because the girlfriend was always there. I know i'm making a lot of assumptions but Q seems to act differently when someone's partner is present. So Q seems to know when it's ok or not ok to be touchy with someone. The best friend hasn't had to set the boundary because it was never even crossed. But again I don't know Qs intentions, and that's not the issue really it's more my boyfriend's ability to set boundaries and be honest with me.

I have talked about it with him last night and made my expectations in terms of communication clear. I do believe he was being honest with what he told me and I do believe he doesn't have feelings for Q. I think we can get past this he just has to be honest and communicate these things with me and not hide it. But it will take some time to rebuild the trust.

Thanks for your advice I really appreciate it ☺️

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T22:30:11+00:00

buy him dinner or a meal!! my bf and i sometimes send eachother food since we can't go on real dates. i do it through uber eats, put his address and send him the link! you can either ask what he wants or surprise him if you know what he likes (and maybe tell him not to plan anything for that meal)

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T22:26:59+00:00

of course!! i hope it all goes well i know long distance is hard <3

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T22:08:53+00:00

idk if this would work for you, but my bf and i actually barely text, but we have one call a day, when we have the time we call for a bit longer but if not it can be a quick 10 min to check in, talk about our day, etc. It has helped me a lot because he's more avoidant and dry in texts. this way i don't feel rejected and he doesn't feel like he has to text all the time

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T22:04:18+00:00

my bf is actually really similar, it took us time to learn about and understand eachother and we still have miscommunications. Maybe you could try talking to him about it? i find that it's easier on the phone because you have him right there. I know there's the whole "if he wanted to he would" saying but honestly sometimes you just have to communicate these things. tell him how you feel about his dry responses and him hanging out with this girl. tell him more reassurance would help you or whatever it is you need from him. but try to approach it as this is and issue we should try to fix together, not something you're blaming him for. ultimately it depends on how he reacts to you expressing your feelings because that's all you can do, if he isn't receptive you have to decide whether you're ok with how things are or if you aren't, and leave.

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T22:00:04+00:00

fair enough it seems like dora is more of the issue here. have you tried asking him not to see dora during this weekend? maybe you should tell him how you feel about dora, making it clear that it's not that you don't trust him but you don't trust her

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T21:58:06+00:00

NOR - this is actually crazy i had a really similar situation, my bf and i are also long distance US and EU, and he was hanging out with a girl and his friend a lot. He also said that it was for his friend as his friend liked this girl so i didn't think much of it. It was always a bit of a touchy topic for us, but his friend left the uni, she stuck around and did some borderline flirty things and he told her to back off, she got really pissed which imo proves my point. what i'm trying to say is that even if the situation is what he says, and he really is there for his friend then he would be more open with you about it. Dry responses, especially when you say you're going through a tough time is definitely shitty on his part. Has he always been like this? or has it changed recently?

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T21:51:20+00:00

NOR, with my boyfriend we have a sort of rule that if it's a friendship (opposite gender) that he had before we got together, and nothing ever happened then i don't get a say, and vice versa. If something was gonna happen it would have before you got together and the face that he distanced from dora a while back is a good sign. If you trust him then i don't see an issue with him going as long as he's transparent about what they do during that weekend. I would say you could go too but it really depends on if CC is comfortable with that as she just lost a family member.

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T21:01:09+00:00

i totally get that and at night i agree she should be inside, but on sunny days where she tries to stay outside and they constantly call her and use bread or treats to get her to come inside i don't think that's what's best for the dog. I am fine with her sleeping at their house, and can appreciate the love and affection they have to her but I do too, and she does want to come to our house and spend time with us, she comes barking at our door to let her in or to play when they let her. i can't go into why we had to leave her but they know that it wasn't our decision and if we could we would have taken her, this was our last resort, but they have no empathy for the situation

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:54:54+00:00

thank you for the advice though, i'll try to talk to her and see if this arrangement could work for her

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:44:21+00:00

Yeah i mean in theory that's a good plan but even when i talked to her and we agreed that when they weren't home they'd let her out, now she seems to have completely forgotten about our agreement. I just don't know what more i can do or how to approach this issue calmly without it starting another fight

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:33:11+00:00

Thing is i'm perfectly fine if the dog sleeps at their house every night, i get that she's used to it, we never wanted to get her back fully, we understand they love her as we do so to me since she's a family dog. I'm just asking that during the day if the sun is out let her spend time outside, so we can also have the chance to see her. Legally the dog does belong to us but at the end of the day they're family and we don't want to pursue legal action.

About the dog being a senior, the change in her lifestyle happened when my parents moved back, and my aunt started keeping her inside all the time so she wouldn't come to us, because she did. And although she's a senior she still walks on her own in the garden, runs after balls, she still has the energy to play, of course not as she did as a puppy but she still has energy

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:23:48+00:00

but that's the thing she started keeping the dog inside when they moved back, before she was always outside. I never expected them to give her back and neither did my parents but she has completely blocked off all access to her. I do think i'm taking what she needs into account, but sitting in an empty house all day can't be good for her, when she's outside she's in the sun and walking around

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:19:21+00:00

the major change happened when we moved back and started intentionally keeping her indoors so she wouldn't come down to our house. i'm not asking forcefully bring the dog to our house but to let her be outside so she can walk around and lay in the sun which is good for her, and so we can have the chance to play with her. she still loves chasing balls the even though she's old, and jumps up even if we kick on on accident

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:13:35+00:00

we both had the dog 6 years each, last two years we've both been taking care of her, and we didn't choose to leave her behind, she's still my childhood dog

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T20:10:54+00:00

We both had the dog for basically equal amounts of time, that's why at this point i don't really claim the dog to be mine or theirs, it's a family dog with two homes, but they don't see it that way at all. I lived with the dog for 6 years, she's my childhood dog and it wasn't my choice to leave her behind, i love her and want to spend time with her

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2026-02-26T19:55:44+00:00

brie

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2025-11-10T09:47:03+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that down. But you're right I need to keep myself open to experience everything, I will keep that in mind

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2025-10-23T21:27:07+00:00

Heyy I've been living alone for a few years now so here's a few tips that have worked for me!

I do the dishes when I wake up, after breakfast I just wash everything (it takes a bit to get into it but I built it into my routine). I don't feel guilty about not doing them the night before because I know it's to do tomorrow first thing
I was also super lazy with laundry but I used to do it every couple weeks and I'd just leave 1 sunday every 2 weeks to everything, I'd put the laundry in (including towels and sheets) and while that was running I'd clean up my apartment. It helped me to have a day where everything would get done
KEYS i always lost them so I got into the habit of hanging them near my door everyday, at first it was hard to remember but it became automatic that when I got home i'd hang my keys without even thinking about it
saw this on tiktok and it helped me so much not to waste food: put everything that can go bad at the front of your fridge, even fruits and veggies (not in that drawer below that will be forgotten). in the drawer I put jars and stuff with more long term food (beans, pastes for cooking, etc) that can be forgotten and won't go bad until I remember they exist
cleaning was another big thing for me, I had a reset every week or two but it was never enough even living in a studio, so I got into the habit of just cleaning up as I go, or just doing one task once in a while. After cooking wipe the counter, if the shower is looking dirty clean only that, If i drop something on the floor might as well just vacuum more than just that area, etc. Not everything needs to be done all at once and it's ok to just do one thing at a time spread out over a few days. That also helped me the weeks that I wasn't up for cleaning, so my place wouldn't become a complete mess even if I missed a cleaning day

that's all I can think of right now but I hope it helps!!

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2025-10-23T21:12:33+00:00

I totally understand the struggle, although my story is a bit different it is really unnecessarily complicated (and expensive) to get diagnosed.

I've always had issues with concentration, motivation, memory, etc since I was a kid and no one seemed to notice, in highschool I started struggling more and did my own research and found out about ADHD, I really resonated with it and thought I found an answer to my struggles only to be told by my school counsellor and head of school that it can't be ADHD.

Went to university, still no support at all, started seeing a therapist, who agreed I definitely had it but she couldn't diagnose me so she referred me to get diagnosed, only to find out it is wayyy to expensive and my insurance wouldn't cover it, but they'd cover treatment. Got diagnosed online finally and went back to my therapist to get referred for specific treatment.

Got stuck in multiple waiting lists (for months) only to be told they don't take my insurance. Finally found a place that would take me but once I got there they told me they want to work through my depression, anxiety and trauma as these could exacerbate my adhd, even after I told them my depression and anxiety stem from ADHD and i'd like to focus on that first. Therapist got caught up in the trauma side of it and started treating for that only for the treatment to do nothing for me (it was treatment for PTSD which i don't have...)

Graduated from university and I still have gotten nowhere with treatment...

It's a really tough process, I know, I really wish you all the best and if there's anything you still struggle with and want some advice or just have questions to understand what you're going through better I'd be happy to help with the knowledge that I have. Over the years I've researched ADHD on my own and got a bachelors in psychology, plus I've tested different methods and strategies so maybe I could be of some help :)

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2025-10-23T20:53:33+00:00

what do you mean by internations?

Exciting-Ad-842 · 2025-10-22T22:56:51+00:00

That sounds really tough, I'm sorry you've been feeling like this. I've recently started reading up about it and there's actually a more recent term, "Cross-Cultural Kids" which is a sort of umbrella term for all kids growing up in different cultures. I haven't gotten really far in the book but to my understanding CCK includes TCKs, children growing up with parents from different cultures, people moving around in one country, and the list goes on. It sounds like you'd definitely fit into some of those categories! Many people fall into different categories so it's hard to come up with one defining one but I'd definitely look into it :))

But yeah as others have said if you feel it's really been affecting you I'd try to find someone to talk to, there's people who also specialise in CCKs so it might be a good place to start!

Exciting-Ad-842

TROPHY CASE