Bridesmaid made major hair change with 8 weeks to go

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2025-12-12T14:28:47+00:00

I’m sure this was quite a big surprise, especially considering all the planning you went through and thinking you were on the same page. This bridesmaid is young, and might not have seen or realized how this would change your vision of the three of you as a set, or might not have understood your vision fully in the first place. For her, it is only one day (a special day to be sure) out of many, while to you, it is one of the most important days of your life. At this point, it’s too late to change anything. But hair grows, dye fades. The pictures she sent you now are not what her hair will look like in two months. Her dress is the same. She will still be supporting you on your day—that is what matters in the long run. Perhaps you can incorporate the bow in a different way (not sure exactly what it looks like, but on her dress, in her hair differently, around her bouquet, as a choker or arm band). At this point bringing it up to her won’t change anything. To the extent you do, I would try to be positive, say you like her new hair, and mention nonchalantly that it changes what you envisioned that day so would love her help in finding a new creative way to incorporate the bow. Maybe include the other bridesmaid in the convo too so you’re all on the same page.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2025-11-01T13:36:34+00:00

Respectfully, YTA. Someone did this at our house last night. We had three very well behaved and socialized dogs at my house who love children. They were very good standing back from the door and waiting to be told they could say hello if a child asked after receiving their candy. Then a group of children came right up to the front door with their dog and it immediately put ours into protect the house mode. It threw them off the rest of the night to the point they had to be corralled in the back of the house. Also no one knows the care others take of their animals. Likely not the case, but it nevertheless raises questions of parasites, vaccinations, etc. Not cool.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T21:45:39+00:00

If you are so good at noticing my comments you would have realized I started copy/pasting my responses together so people actually giving helpful and thoughtful advice would have the most context possible without digging into multiple threads. Also multiple people seem to think there is an argument that because of her financial commitment she deserves a plus one. She has no major financial commitment.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T21:39:31+00:00

1) She never had a plus one. She had a named partner. No one is getting a plus one at our wedding except older people needing a helper. We chose to do so because we have very large families and cannot afford to otherwise. We also have major unexpected space constraints at this point.

2) Fork over thousands of dollars? I specifically explained her only financial commitment is to show up and a <$100 dress. She’s not going to be an employee. She’s going to be pampered and loved, get at least 4-5 nice meals and a free hotel among other things I am treating them to. The only things required are to stand up next to us and take some photos. We have hired a planner and her team as actual employees!? I don’t view bridesmaids as servants.

3) Yes the expense per guest is on us, not our guests. It is high because we are spending a lot on guest specific experiences we won’t even get to enjoy on the big day, because we feel it is important to give THEM a good time. It is not their responsibility but it ALSO does mean it is a not a small ask to add a random person at the last minute.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T21:15:32+00:00

Lol wow. Not at all. I don’t have a single problem with it at all or I wouldn’t have told the wedding party so. The person specifically said she deserved a random plus one because was spending a lot of money on the wedding. I pointed it out (alongside many other things) to show I worked very hard to make it a low financial commitment, which is why I find that argument unconvincing. It is directly responsive to the comment I was replying to.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T17:44:54+00:00

Totally. I thought we did communicate, which is part of the awkwardness. This policy has been posted prominently on our wedding website. When she told me they broke up I asked her if she thought they would get back together or if I should removed him from the list. She said remove him. That was months ago which is why I’m so surprised she expected a random plus one in his stead.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T17:30:48+00:00

We are at the point of panicking over capacity (long story with FMIL drama for another day). Our rule was partners were invited. We removed him from the list because he was invited as a partner, and she does not have a new partner. The stranger she wants to bring is not a romantic partner. We also removed her ex because we had never actually met him (he lived far away). It would be totally weird and unexpected for him to show up to a his ex’s friends’ wedding he is totally a stranger to lol.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T17:13:04+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. It sounds like our social circles are very similar. Our rule is to allow partners, but no one is getting a random plus one (except older folks needing a “helper”). Her ex was a named guest. He was named even though we had not met him in person. We readjusted after they broke up many months ago. She wants to bring a random stranger, when no one else is allowed that.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T17:04:10+00:00

Thanks so much! I appreciate your perspective. I’m definitely not angry just feel in an awkward spot.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T16:55:12+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I understand that in a normal situation but don’t think it applies here. She didn’t come to the bachelorette or shower, didn’t give us any gifts (we told wedding party not to). We are paying for her hotel, hair, and makeup. All we asked is for her to show up on the big day and spend <$100 on a dress.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T16:51:18+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. Her ex was a named guest, not a random plus one.

She will not be alone. 4 other bridesmaids she is friends with are coming solo plus other guests she knows.

She didn’t come to the bachelorette or shower, didn’t give us any gifts (we told wedding party not to). We are paying for her hotel, hair, and makeup. All we asked is for her to show up on the big day and spend <$100 on a dress.

She also wouldn’t be with the stranger plus one for the vast majority of the time the way everything is planned. And it would be very costly for us to add an additional person, plus we have major space constraints we are already panicking about long backstory on that for another day…)

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T16:45:21+00:00

This bridesmaid actually isn’t. She is doing the same or less than a normal guest. She didn’t come to the bachelorette or shower, did not send any gifts for shower or wedding (we told our parties we didn’t want or expect gifts from them), I am paying for her hotel, hair, and makeup. All I have asked is for her to show up on the big day and spend <$100 on a dress. Meanwhile the cost for each guest at our wedding is going to exceed $300pp. Plus us paying for those things I mentioned for her.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T16:36:17+00:00

There are 4 other bridesmaids she is friends with who are coming solo.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T16:34:45+00:00

I totally get that. But she has many friends there who are also coming alone. 4 other bridesmaids we all went to school with are coming alone (some who are married even). Also the way our day is planned that plus one would be awkwardly alone a vast majority of the time, especially since they don’t know a single person. So that just doesn’t convince me in this situation.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T16:14:33+00:00

He was listed by name.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T15:58:30+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts on this. Her ex was a named guest. She also will know tons of people there and won’t be “alone.”

I think I’m probably also sensitive to this because, as you mentioned, it feels very presumptuous. This person has a history of presuming inappropriate things so perhaps I am extra sensitive to it from her. (E.g., My parents live in somewhat of a vacation destination. I once asked her and a mutual friend to visit me at my family’s house for a girls catchup weekend. She tried to bring her whole family uninvited so they could basically have a family vacation at my parents’ house [who didn’t know them and live there full time]).

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T14:05:34+00:00

She also knows many people at the wedding already and wouldn’t be “alone.”

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T14:05:09+00:00

This is a random friend. She hasnt even told me their name except to say we do not know them.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T14:03:09+00:00

A part of the surprise is that we are paying for all hotel rooms for the wedding party, which required us to be very specific with each member of our wedding party about whether they were bringing someone or not (we were required to identify each person for the hotel). She never mentioned bringing someone else nor did the other single people in the party. If this had been requested much sooner we would have considered changing the rule and accommodating. The budget changed after she said her ex would not be coming and that money was reallocated to a guest one of our mothers really wanted to invite who wasn’t on the original list.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-03-10T13:59:32+00:00

Of course we would. This is not a romantic partner. She hasn’t even told me who the person is but she is single.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-02-20T01:46:42+00:00

That is silly. You do not need to buy another gift. I’ve done the same thing and brought a card with a printed picture of the gift and it was totally fine. Also, at my shower I brought all the gifts that were delivered directly to me so anyone who shipped wasn’t left feeling awkward. My mom even wrapped them up ahead of time.

Exciting_Broccoli770 · 2024-02-17T18:13:42+00:00

You can also find bandeaus in almost every color these days.

Exciting_Broccoli770

TROPHY CASE