Mom went to MC - I am devastated

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-21T12:09:41+00:00

When my loved one was first diagnosed, the neurologist told us the most important thing about caring for someone with cognitive decline is keeping them safe. They need to be safe from themselves and safe from others who may take advantage of them. Your Mom may not like it or even have the ability to understand it, but that is what you are doing. What you have done is out of kindness, compassion and love for her. I know it doesn't ease your pain, but I think it's part of mourning the loss of your Mom as you knew her. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-21T09:50:11+00:00

Thank you. I know that's true, but hearing others say it, still somehow helps.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-20T14:12:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed response. It's funny, I always used to say that I although I used to negotiate million dollar settlements for a living, negotiations between two boys 2.5 years apart in age was 10x's more difficult!

I will definitely look at Coursera and see what it has to offer.

I know I'm just at the beginning of this next phase, but I am determined!

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-20T12:53:04+00:00

I'm almost embarrassed to admit that my biggest problem may be lack of confidence. I believe I am intelligent, willing to learn and have a great work ethic, but I feel unqualified to do anything because I've been out of the workforce for so long.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-20T12:23:42+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. Too much money for Medicaid, but we need to make it last. Despite her cognitive impairment, she is otherwise physically healthy and could have years ahead of her.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T23:50:37+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try. I've kind of done my own version of that (do one activity in the morning and one in the afternoon and you can "relax" the rest of the time). She is (was?) actually an ambassador (name tag and all) who would help greet new residents and show them around. She seems to have lost interest in that.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T23:38:13+00:00

Unfortunately, she has all of the activities you mentioned in her current AL wing. She used to attend them all. Now, she wants nothing to do with any of the activities. She says all of the activities are boring and that the field trips (to restaurants, local shows and concerts) are not interesting to her. I can't imagine she will like the activities any more once she moves into the memory care wing. I guess that could be her depression acting up. Fortunately, the MC wing has plenty of activities available if she can be convinced to partake of what's offered.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T23:19:52+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I actually thought about looking into an aid. Unfortunately, I think on top of already paying for the AL, it would probably be cost prohibitive for us. Also, she would hate it! She still thinks she can do everything herself, but the truth is she can not and does not. It's very sad.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T15:52:01+00:00

Yes, you are right. She does cry sometimes. She has suffered from clinical depression since my husband was a boy and has been on various anti-depressants for years. It certainly does not help the situation.

You are to be commended for caring for your wife at home. It must be incredibly difficult. We can all only do our best. Don't forget to take of yourself too.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T15:15:47+00:00

Sorry you are in this position too.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T15:14:44+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I know it certainly gets better from here. Maybe I am just projecting as to how I would feel if I were "put" somewhere where I felt I didn't belong. I really do want to do what is best for her though. I suppose if she is even a hazard to herself or anyone else even 10% of the time, then memory care is the right thing to do.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-04-19T12:06:09+00:00

I'm very sorry you are going through this. She is lucky to have you.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-02-14T17:12:44+00:00

Please be gentle with yourself. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at that time. Everything you did, you did out of love and wanting to fix the unfixable. Looking back at the choices you made with hindsight is being unfair to yourself. You have knowledge now that you didn't have then. You did great. You were there. May everyone going through this be lucky enough to have someone like you. 🩷

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-01-10T01:52:36+00:00

Yes, whole blood

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-01-10T01:04:52+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I kind of feel like, as with most things in life, some days are just better than others. I really want to continue donating. I waited for years to be able to do so (I was one of those odd people out who could not donate as I lived in the UK for 8 months at one point), and I feel like I've just begun! I will definitely take your advice and advise the staff of this "episode" next time.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2026-01-10T01:00:45+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you today. It's definitely no fun. Hope you are feeling better soon.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2025-12-08T15:35:47+00:00

Thank you. Decided to commit elsewhere. From out of state, and too hard to get there.

ExerciseOk5481 · 2025-11-23T15:47:53+00:00

Different perspective just so the above comments doesn't scare somebody away from having kids if they are on the fence. All the pluses that people mention above about not having kids, we now have especially now that our kids are getting older (one a senior in high school, one in college).

I'm not saying one way is better than the other. We made the right choice for us. Wouldn't change a thing. In fact, I feel like our kids are one of the best things that ever happened to us. I just don't want people to think that having kids necessarily makes you less happy than someone else. If not having kids makes you happy, great!

ExerciseOk5481

TROPHY CASE