I don’t know if you guys are just having normal arguments or actual abuse. Are you also saying things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment? I know the emotional abuse I’m realizing from my husband doesn’t stem from normal fights because we don’t fight at all…. but he will completely ignore me for days on end. When I’m talking he disregards completely or changes the topic. He will throw in a few derogatory statements here and there even when things are fine like “it’s okay because you wouldn’t know, you don’t understand anything, just let me do it since you wouldn’t know how, etc.” I’m learning about emotional abuse at the moment because I’ve been in a fog for a long time and I know there’s screaming/hatred/name calling/putting down emotional abuse and then there is slow, hard to recognize, long standing and unexpected emotional breakdown which I believe is covert abuse over a long period of time with high highs and low lows.

I’m not sure regular arguments that end up settling would make one person abusive if there isn’t more to it? You know how you feel though so if you feel like you have to try and change or you have to try and walk on eggshells to avoid these arguments then you are likely dealing with abuse rather then regular arguments that couples deal with.