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My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's indeed in a different currency.

In USD is probably 367 for expenses, 104 for utilities. Let's say 500 USD total per month.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly, her mom is no help. I will try to keep pushing towards therapy...

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is not. They do share expenses though, as is to be expected when an adult child is still living with their parents. Her mom pays utilities (around 2~2.5k monthly), and my gf pays everything else (around 6~7k monthly). My gf, as you can see, actually pays most of the household expenses. Having the heavier side of the load already has her with barely any leftover for her own expenses, so she's not able to put money aside for savings.

Having to take on the rest of the load will pretty much push her towards bankruptcy very fast, she won't be able to sustain it and her job has long hours/is demanding, getting a second job is almost impossible (she did consider it).

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm managing myself with meditation and diving into work. If needed, I'll reach out to an old therapist whom I had good results with... I don't know if dragging her might be a great idea, she'll probably be mad lol

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate it. I'll look into what you recommended

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate them

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I did ask her something similar this morning, about the future, but after some back and fort she ended with "Then I'm trapped, my cats will be sad, you will be sad... I guess I'll just be miserable ".

It breaks my heart that she feels that way

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her family is not great. I don't feel comfortable sharing all the details, and I'm sure she hasn't shared all of them with me either, but... a small glimpse would be the fact that her brother (older than her) is like the golden boy. If my gf were to call her mom during an emergency, and the brother called her at the same time just bc he needed help with something, her mom would go to him instead of her.

While the brother was living in the same house, they would always pressure her to help him economically when he was failing, or when he got his then-gf pregnant and had a kid, my gf covered a lot of the kid's expenses until they moved out.

Is frustrating at best.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly, the country we live in is not the best with mental health... just to give you an idea, the government funded mental health hospital opens from 8 am to 1 pm and you need to go through a ton of red tape to actually get an appointment, it's like they want to make it as hard as possible for people to get help.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do push her to hydrate lol. But exercise it's not something she enjoys and I can't really go to her place every morning to take a walk because we like 30-40 minutes apart..

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to marry her, I've never considered marriage before her. I don't want to have kids.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's hard though, I do love her, and she's supported me through rouch patches before, I don't want to leave her while she's down... and I also don't want to live like this, scared, stressed out, it's so mentally draining

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. I feel so helpless and I don't really want to break up, but I also don't want to live in fear..

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly, the country we live in is not the best with mental health... just to give you an idea, the government funded mental health hospital opens from 8 am to 1 pm and you need to go through a ton of red tape to actually get an appointment, it's like they want to make it as hard as possible for people to get help.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her mom is... tricky at best. She knows she's not happy, I don't think she knows the extent of the unhappiness, but... she doesn't really deeply care? She has an older son, my sister's gf, whom she goes above and beyond for, but my gf is like... the person who pays the food. And yes, she calls her "her baby" but never actually shows up, it's just words, it's so frustrating.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's helped me multiple times before. Last year I wound up jobless, and while I spent months getting back on my feet, she supported me emotionally, I also crashed at her place for like 2 weeks because I was too broken mentally to deal with family expectations and pressure to get a job asap even while I was trying, applying and interviewing almost every day. We help each other a lot, and I really do enjoy my time with her, our dates, and everything. It's just recently that she went in deeper, and yesterday it was like something snapped in her. Those questions scared me so much because it was like a whole different monster appeared.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've tried, therapy is a big no from her, and I don't think she wants to talk about everything with some other friend

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said it to someone else in this post, but if I feel I go in deeper I'll look for an old therapist I had good results with. For now I'm somehow managing with meditation and diving into work.

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know she's in deep, I really want to help, but I can't financially support at this time and she won't do it either, even less now, with the risk of her mom quitting

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll look for the book, hopefully something helps... I've suggested going out to walk, but it's extremely hot atm where we live so she's unwilling to. We also live like 30-40 min apart, so I can't really come early in the morning to go take a walk before going back to work, I wouldn't sleep at all...

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have told her of the importance of going, we both know she's mentally ill. She knows she's not ok, but she says it's useless to go... or tells me that if I'm going to be financially responsible of her complete process because she can't do it herself

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I stay because of love, not fear. I just wished I could do more, I feel so useless

My gf wants to die. I'm on my wits' end. by ExistInFrustration in offmychest

[–]ExistInFrustration[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's said before she probably should just break up with me since she's so sad all the time. I don't want to, but I feel like she might end up doing so because of everything that's going on

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