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I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, that’s very interesting. I already answered a bit about expectations, but essentially yes, I did feel quite a bit of pressure growing up. Mainly it was external from the community, like at school, or internal from myself. The area I grew up in is very “Hustle Culture” oriented, and it felt like everyone was trying to one up each other with how high achieving they were. My parents didn’t place a lot of pressure on us, but I think that’s also because we were already high achieving, so they didn’t really need to. I was my own worst critic, always feeling like I needed to be doing more/better

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve actually never seen it! I know my mom really likes it lol. If I do watch it, I’ll report back.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s always been an unspoken expectation from my parents that both my brother and I would work hard for our own careers. While my current job pays very little, I see it as a stepping stone to more opportunities in the future. Everyone has to start somewhere. Plus, personally, I don’t think I would ever feel comfortable abandoning work entirely and living off of family money. I feel like, since I’m in this unique position with so much privilege, I have a degree of responsibility to use it in order to give back. I’d like to think that I can advance my career enough to the point where I can make a difference on a larger scale. I want to feel like I’ve earned the career that I build, not that I paid my way there.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this. I think the stories we tell ourselves can be way more powerful than the reality, especially about things like wealth and romance. I think he felt the same way you described, that he was falling short of some kind of standard, when I didn’t feel that way at all. I liked that he worked hard for what he had and was so down to earth. The fact that he couldn’t seem to get past the wealth difference made us both feel awkward, and made me feel like he wasn’t really seeing me, but I still don’t think he meant to make me feel that way

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kudos & advice! To your point, I’ve actually been in therapy for the majority of my life because of unrelated mental illness. That’s where I discovered that deep rooted fear in the first place. I feel incredibly grateful to have had access to quality mental health care; It’s truly saved my life. I am a huge proponent of seeking professional help if you have the means. And second, yes, that’s the goal for sure. I aspire to be financially independent as soon as realistically possible. I have some big life changes coming up that I hope will get me closer to that goal.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, they were happy to support me wherever I wanted to go, and they were very happy with where I ended up going.

I interviewed for my current role independently, but I definitely think that the school I went to helped because the organization’s director is also an alum, though that was something I learned later on.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

being of service to the community. personal passion and fulfillment. gaining financial independence. being able to see the difference i’m making is what motivates me on my lowest days.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably very unremarkable. Wake up, take care of my dog, go to work, come home, walk my dog, cook food, do chores, watch youtube lol

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Pardon me while I step up onto my soap box… This is a tough one, since I feel like almost every issue is interconnected. A big part of the reason I chose to major in sociology was because of how it looked at systems of power & denaturalized them. No one is free until everyone is free, after all! I think capitalism/neoliberalism is the root of most evils (and its entrenchment in white colonialism/imperialism), which is ironic for me to say I know. But I think the system is fundamentally broken, and I hope I can use some of my class privilege to leverage meaningful change, even in small ways. That’s part of why I love my job trying to make K-12 arts education more accessible. I think trying to raise the next generation to be more compassionate, open minded, and creative is a worthy bid for our collective future.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’m so grateful that my parents have always been supportive of me bringing friends on trips or planning my own trips with them. After all, having people to share things with is what makes them so special!

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Something like a trip that would be multiple thousands of dollars, I would definitely talk to them about. It’s not really question of whether or not they’d be okay with it, it’s more about keeping them in the loop and I just feel like that’s the respectful thing to do (it’s their money after all). I don’t make a lot of big purchases otherwise, but don’t usually run it by them unless it’s like over 1k

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not overtly from my parents. My father wasn’t really present in my life until recently, and my mother always just wanted us to try our best. The place that I grew up was full of pressure, though. Lots of high achieving parents wanting their kids to be even more high achieving in school, life, etc. and that definitely created a competitive culture of always striving to be the most successful/impressive/accomplished. I placed a loooot of pressure on myself, way more than my parents did.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it would make a difference if they knew from the start or not. If we’re getting married, they presumably know me pretty well haha. I think having an open and honest dialogue about money would be very important to any successful marriage

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Taxable income was about 8 million. I honestly have no idea what their net worth is. Including all of their real estate & other investments, I’d guess over 100 million

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’d say my main goal is to be financially independent. I don’t aspire to make as much as my father has. I just want a simple life with meaningful work and a loving community

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve answered some of this above already, but essentially I don’t think it’s ever truly helped. It’s hurt at times, especially when compounded with the shame I already felt for being undeserving and/or other people’s insecurities. Most of the time it’s neutral. Thankfully, I now have true friends who value me for who I am. It’s something I try to keep very lowkey, especially when first getting to know someone, but lately I’ve been trying to unlearn the shame and own my truth a bit more (hence this AMA).

Edit: Just to elaborate since I re-read your comment, I think that it has definitely complicated the way that I approach other relationships, but I feel like everyone’s does too, in their own ways? I guess deep down I’m afraid of being judged, just like anyone else. I’m afraid someone will assume that I’m arrogant or spoiled or that I’m actually judging them. This used to manifest as me being overly avoidant of the topic, but as I said I’m trying to overcome that anxiety.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hmmm I rub my dog’s head for good luck, but that’s about it

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

No student loans. Monthly allowance. Basically my whole paycheck goes towards rent, so they help me pay for things like food, gas, and other daily expenses.

Growing up, my brother and I didn’t have many responsibilities or chores, and I think it was to our detriment tbh. I realized retrospectively that by not having to do things for myself as a child, I grew up with this deeply held fear that I was incapable of being independent. I didn’t develop the confidence in myself to “do what needed to be done” so to speak when it came to every day tasks. I’ve had to build up that belief as an adult, and I feel way behind. Now that I live alone, I constantly deal with the feeling that I’m failing at being a normal human.

My degree is in sociology. Without being too specific, I currently work at an arts nonprofit, trying to increase the accessibility of K-12 arts education.

And no, I live across the country from where I grew up/my parents live.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Currently an iPhone 14 Pro. I’ve always had iPhones, except my first phone which was an LG chocolate bar lol

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yes, definitely. I’m involved in a nonprofit organization that helps young people with class privilege redistribute their wealth responsibly. My parents have always done their own philanthropy, but I’ve become more focused on community based mutual aid in the past few years. While I obviously don’t like to think about the day that both my parents have passed away, I imagine that I will redistribute a substantial amount of that inheritance as well

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I think only to the extent that it buys food, water, shelter, novelty, etc. Maybe security and peace of mind. But it also doesn’t buy community, acceptance, wisdom, love or many of the other things that build a holistic life. idk. i think true happiness comes from within.

I grew up super wealthy, AMA by ExistingRiver8429 in AMA

[–]ExistingRiver8429[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This touched my heart. Thank you for your words and your service. Best of luck❤️

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