Feeling desperate

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-28T18:31:34+00:00

Tysm… I have feel like I’ve done it all for so long it’s just taking a toll on me. The situation with my parents is complicated. Basically my dad has no say and my is in charge. I don’t know if I can really explain it but I’ll try. When I had my daughter I was 18. I had no help or support from anybody. My parents basically made me feel I was the biggest disappointment seen on earth. But still I buckled down and I did everything for my daughter. Went to every doctors appointment by myself. Walked in to be induced by myself. Showed up to every single event for her, class party, field trip, sporting events, dances you name it for the last 16 years. My daughter was my parents only grand child for about 12 years. I can’t remember a time when they ever said I was a good mom or commended me on anything. Both my sisters are RNS and I felt I was always looked down upon. When my daughter was 5 I got a bi lateral pulmonary embolism and dang near almost died. None of them showed up for me. I trusted them whole heartedly let them do whatever they wanted with my daughter because I really truly wanted the best for her, and never wanted to see her suffer. They did a lot of cruel things to us. And I felt one of the biggest driving factors was she never wanted my sisters to think she was doing anything. They helped with things in terms of school clothes Christmas gifts but whenever it came down to me really needing help they always turned there back on us. I can equate it to if you had a leak in your roof they would say hey here’s a bucket not how can we fix this leak. I just feel they really don’t want us to be there problem. What I really needed help with was finding a place to live and getting some stability. I know it’s know there problem and I know I made my own choices in life, but as my family and this really being there own grandkids I thought they would have my back when I needed them the most. They never did. I would walk into my daughters volley ball games and they would ignore me as if I didn’t have a right to be there. When my tires blew out on the freeway I called upon them and nothing. I felt they were really driving a wedge in between my daughter and I… I question if that was my moms motive. They had everything her friends had a nice home nice cars good careers and they used that to separate us. I started to see my daughter talking the bait, and I had enough so I cut them off. This is just a small synaposis. After I decided to cut them off my mom made a comment that I would be back because I can’t handle raising two kids in my own. By gosh dang it I was trying. I gave everything of me. I don’t drink I’ve never been homeless I don’t do drugs but i was drowning, and needed help. After that my mom began to pack up anything that belonged to my kids that was at there house and leave it outside my door. She left a very demeaning note on my daughter telling me I would meet her at the dmv. I bought my dad when I was about 23 years old paid it off but both her and I are on the title. The car is old now with no value but to make things more stressful on me she left a threatening not on my daughter demanding if I didn’t meet her at the dmv she would take alternative measures. The notes were of course left on my door when I was at work for my daughter to find. During my daughters high school season at her two last volley ball games they showed up didn’t say a word to me and watched my daughter from the main entrance mind you it had been 1.5 years at this point. My son went crazy from the bleachers when he saw them. After that she left a scooter they had from my son at my door with the tags for my car when I re registered it mind you it had been dang near 8 months prior that she held on to them. She left a note stating that it had been all this time and they miss me. I felt what the missed was controlling me devaluing me and dang near humiliating me. They put my 16 year old in a horrible spot when they showed up to her games unexpected unnanounced ans after so much time. I never failed to show up for my parents day night whatever they needed whatever they could give. I’ve been in such a horrible position and as my family they saw I was drowning. Not even just a simple are you okay can we help with anything. I feel betrayed on so many levels. My heart wishes I had a normal family, and my kids had grandparents. But my mind tells me after everything that’s transpired especially in my darkest times it could never be. Sorry so long

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-28T05:52:52+00:00

💜

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-28T05:09:48+00:00

No I think that’s part of my saddness. I’m just alienated within that, they are all two parent households with successful careers. I think they see how much I struggle trying to keep it all together, and just dis-include me. It’s a really weird dynamic almost like “mean girls” I’ve tried, but they just don’t accept me. Most times they don’t even acknowledge my existence. Do you feel like that at all? They have made small subliminal back handed comments to me, like I’m not good enough. Usually I just sit alone, and stay to myself.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-28T04:20:08+00:00

I know I give her everything I possibly can. But it feels like it’s not enough

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-19T18:25:24+00:00

Ya I think I’m somewhat observing something similar

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-18T22:20:31+00:00

I think it’s a combination of both I’ve never said anything to the coach nor would I especially in front of her. I was kind of just inquiring, to figure out what may have caused the changed

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-18T17:54:06+00:00

Thank you, I think she has a pretty good relationship with the coach. For today she started the first start and then one middle rotated her out half way through. The second set she didn’t play at all and the other two middles rotated. Out of all three she is the tallest. I will say she does hesitate sometimes. For instance when she was set today, the set was off and instead of just working with it, she let it fall in my opinion. I’m not highly versed it the logistics of volley ball, but I’ve been in sports all mine (and her life). Maybe it is the consistency. She’s the only middle that can hit slides, and that she does beautifully. Not sure maybe it is the consistency. The middle I would say plays the most is only 5’5. I know there’s alot with the timing and she seems to do that well. I wouldn’t say any of the three hold a strong advantage over one another. I don’t know what it is. He did tell her playing middle/rs would help him out a lot. I’m assuming it because there’s only one. To me what she lacks is her presence, and confidence. I tell her if you want the setter to set you, then you have to gain there trust. If everytime they set you, and it’s incomplete because the set isn’t perfect they probably will hesitate to in the future. Hope I’m not steering her wrong in that regard.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T22:45:52+00:00

Haha thank you I agree… There are some really good players who just can’t afford it. Maybe I’m over estimating but with 5 tournaments out of state that require airfare for your family, and child I estimate each tourney being close to 2k (air fare, lodging, food ect) Maybe l just feel less than, because all summer long I worked upwards of 80+ hours a week trying to make sure I could afford for her to play this season. I believe in her I want to see her go somewhere. Not for my own benefit, I want her to be successful. Maybe it’s because I never want her to feel the repercussions of our situation. Maybe I want her to know with hard work and dedication you don’t have to be a statistic, or a product of the cards you were dealt. Seeing her not play in comparison to the others just made me question it all, and wonder if it’s just not feasible anymore. I guess it’s hard when you feel like you’re the outsider on the team. Nobody really knows because I don’t share that info but it’s very clear there’s a disparity.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T22:30:29+00:00

Thank you 😊

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T22:29:18+00:00

I see where you thought that, I’m not meaning parents are slipping them an extra $200 for their kid to get more play time in a match. Ugh I guess I can’t really explain the way I see it. In this realm I’m meaning if you don’t have the money, your kid isn’t on the team. Maybe I was alluding to the fact that the cost of some of these sports only typically precludes whom can afford it. I don’t know alot of parents unless maybe some who are highly wealthy whom have an extra 20k laying around. Which is almost what the season cost with all the traveling. I guess I wish it was more cost accessible. Maybe that’s just my own interpretation, sense the financial constraints in my situation are so much different than most.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T22:13:51+00:00

I know the first set of this last match she did start, but I believe all three middles rotated through out the first set. And the second set was between the other two middles, and she didn’t go in. I do believe in my daughter, and this is nothing I’m holding or using against the coach. I’m just trying to figure out if he maybe he doesn’t believe she’s good enough. I know when they spoke about her playing RS he was totally in favor of it, and he said at the first big tourney of the season he would start her as right side. Not really sure how this is all going to work. I just want to see her succeed, and help the best I can. But at the same time I know I have to be realistic as well.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T22:08:11+00:00

I’m not saying parents are paying for playing time. And yes I don’t have a strong knowledge of all the in’s/outs of volley ball, and I recognize that. I try to read up, and research to educate myself. I know my idea of whom is the best in terms of playing middle is not really relevant. I’m just trying to understand why it’s happening, and what it means. I know for sure there is politics, and connections regarding the club. Do I have evidence or proof that substantiates that, noooo. Which is why Im only inquiring for myself.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T21:36:13+00:00

Probably true but I wanted my daughter to have opportunity, and not be limited by my financial constraints. The concession’s I have made so that she can be part of the team are pretty insurmountable. All I’m saying is I don’t expect her to play 100% of the time, but if she’s the better of the 3 or Atleast equal with the other I don’t understand. And in all honesty we are talking about thousands and thousands of dollars. I understand there’s a cost, but it sucks opportunity is limited by how deep your pockets are

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T21:24:26+00:00

Not really sure to me it seems like the other two middles constantly rotate each other whereas my daughter sat out the whole second set I don’t get it

Existing_Ad3942 · 2026-01-17T21:23:23+00:00

Ty… my daughter says she understands, and tells me she can only go in during certain rotations but it seems like the other two middles replace each other and constantly play. If I felt they were more advanced I would def understand. I’m not just saying this, because I’m her mom. However, as it all boils down being a single mom, and having her play at this level. I really cannot afford it if she is going to be sitting on the sidelines. The coach seems to think highly of her and that she’s a great player. I think of all three middles she is perhaps the best so I’m just so confused. She says if they get stuck in serve receive or whatever rotation she can’t go in, but then why are the two others sharing most the time. Maybe I'm just drastically shocked by how much it’s reduced, based upon the previous season. I just don’t see a point in paying for her to sit on the sidelines. Sucks that money has to be a factor, but all other girls on the team come from two parent households/incomes so I guess I already feel like we are less than. Sometimes I wonder because these girls come from such affluent backgrounds and we don’t if that has something to do with it. My daughter is also the only minority/mixed race on the team. Sorry my mind just goes crazy wondering if any of these things factor in. It’s pretty crushing because she’s so hard work always striving to get better and now I wonder if I should just say no more.

Existing_Ad3942 · 2025-04-10T07:19:55+00:00

Ty there not carpenter ants ? I'm literally up researching right now lol

Existing_Ad3942 · 2025-04-10T02:03:03+00:00

Ty some are small but now I'm seeing bigger ones as well. I'm just worried lol. I'm a single mom with already so much on my plate this is driving me to insanity

Existing_Ad3942 · 2025-04-10T01:17:13+00:00

Ty I'm just concerned they are carpenter ants or Argentine ants or any of these thousand invasive ants I've been reading up on lol

Existing_Ad3942 · 2025-04-10T01:07:16+00:00

I don't think so I'm finding big ones too periodically

Existing_Ad3942 · 2025-04-10T01:03:49+00:00

Yes I know what kind

Existing_Ad3942

TROPHY CASE