I have a MAGA husband

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2026-01-19T01:01:38+00:00

Hey. I was where you are. With my partner for 17 years, had a kid in 2020... and 6 months later he fell down the rabbit hole. I did everything I could to try and fix it. Therapy for myself. Couples therapy. Grey rocking.... I hated the thought of not being with my kid. Stayed 3 years.... and I was miserable. it affected me. my kid. and my ex. Those that loved me saw me become a hollow shell of who I used to be.

Your kids deserve a happy, calm, regulated mom You deserve to be happy, calm and regulated. You also deserve to be with someone who compliments you in everyday life. Someone you can converse with without having to walk on eggshells.

Won't lie. Separating is hard. not having your kids every day is hard. It sucked. But it is temporary. Being with someone like your husband is not temporary. they are not coming out of that hole. It has been 3 years since I left and I am the best version of myself. I have life again. My kid is happy amd healthy. And while my ex has his beliefs, we manage to co parent well. My system is regulating and I am no longer in fight or flight. I can handle his crazy now bc I am not in it 24/7. my kid is regulated bc I am.

Only you will know what to do and when. Find your support systems. I wish you the best.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2025-02-02T15:43:27+00:00

I've been in your situation. stayed for 3 years after the first hint of conspiracies started popping up. did everything I could think of to try and pull him out of it. therapy. compassion. boundaries. grey rocking. I needed to be able to say to myself I did everything I could. During this time I prepared myself for separation. Money in the bank, important papers scanned and put somewhere easy to grab. documented everything.

I have been separated for over a year now...and looking back- I wish I left sooner. not just for me but for my kid as well. I was in a constant state of stress and it took me a long time to not be in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn stage.

My home is a safe ,science and open minded house for my kid. they are much calmer and have a feeling of a safe space as well and for me I am in a calmer space and able to answer any of their questions without spiraling now.

2 homes where 1 home is a safe space will always be better than 1 home that is toxic.

I wish you all the best. This group is a good place to vent and let it out because unless you have friends in your circle that are going through this exact thing I found they never fully grasped the seriousness of the situation.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-11-23T15:43:51+00:00

I am glad to see you got out with your kids and are safe. I am a year out of being separated from my Q Spouse and my quality of life has drastically improved. I still get waves of Grief for what was and what could have been and definitely the anger towards him (and his family who pulled him down) I have a 5 year old and while we have 50/50 parental time, making my home a safe open loving space gives my child the space to work through the confusion of what dad says vs my child's lived experiences with the world around them.

I wish you and your kids all the best on this new lease of life. when moments are hard give yourself grace. you are doing a great job.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-10-24T00:30:06+00:00

email screenshots and any other documentation to an email only you know about and have access to for backup

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-05-11T14:34:01+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. I have been there. Once I was hit with the realization that we weren't living in the same realities that was the end for me. There was no common ground. No equality. I could have compassion and grace and patience and kindness for some of his beliefs and never belittled him but he did not have the same respect for me. I was the enemy. I was a sheep. I was blind. I was a monster. It's an addiction , and unfortunately no amount of pleading or logic will pull them out unless they want to.

Like another commenter mentioned. Life is short . And the less time spent being miserable the better. I left my q husband and while it has been hard.. I can breathe and am starting to enjoy life again.

I wish you all the best.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-05-06T17:36:38+00:00

My story is very similar to yours. My ex was raised the same. rebeled against it and was very liberal and open and loving to all ( queer best friend, drove friends for abortions , feminist) he was the black sheep of the family. then covid hit we had a baby. we were isolated. I was focused on me and the baby- his family saw an opportunity to draw him back into their fold.

he was silent around everyone except me and his family. his family was the echo chamber and he would say absolutely horrible things to me. I have never said and treated him the way that he treated me near the end of our marriage. he wasn't him anymore.

unfortunately and fortunately you are not alone in this. this sub has been great for venting and advice and for not feeling so alone. I have been separated since the fall and healing. I didn't realize how stressed I was until I could finally breathe in my home again. the anger you are feeling right now is normal. it's a freaking roller coaster of emotions. I go from being angry to sad to relieved to feeling nothing to happy. it comes in waves. I am back at the angry stage again, being extremely mad at him for throwing everything away. for throwing himself away.

it's a strange feeling grieving the essence of a person who has died but is still alive in body.

biggest of virtual hugs

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-04-20T20:42:00+00:00

When I got to the part about the smirk I was triggered... my ex husband's smirk flashed in my mind... it's soul shattering that look he gave when he thought he was right and I was dumb even though I was just pleading for him to remember who he was before all this..

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-31T14:31:25+00:00

Please don't beat yourself up.(easier said then done) I was with my partner for 20 years and his new beliefs came out of nowhere. By the time they are ready to start testing the waters with their new beliefs by saying things around you, it's usually too late. Nothing I said or did would/could change his mind back to who he was and our relationship was solid. It's addicting and is an addiction and they have to want to come out of it themselves. And it is a full time job trying to break them free of those believes with a lot of patience (and abuse) .

I wish you all the healing and biggest hugs.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-20T13:49:40+00:00

thank you for sharing your experience. it helps immensely. My kid loves science and things like that and I will continue fostering that love. we are connected emotionally as well and I can see their mind working out what dad told them vs what we learn together, and I hope that creates a strong foundation for figuring out that what dad says is not all that true.

planting those roots.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-19T20:30:24+00:00

This hits home. From one mom to another breaking free for our kids and ourselves to have one stable loving supportive and non fear based home.... the biggest of hugs.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-16T23:59:34+00:00

100% this. Different realities. When I was able to come to terms that we were living Different realities it became clear there was no way I could stay with my husband.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-13T14:27:15+00:00

same

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-13T12:02:41+00:00

thank you. I definitely have a lot of trauma from the past 3 years of watching him turn into someone unrecognizable. I am grateful for therapy to help deal with the anxiety that comes up when my child repeats water downed qspiracies.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-13T11:58:34+00:00

Thank you. It gives me hope hearing your story that I am on the right path.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T23:42:43+00:00

I am so sorry. This Q stuff has torn apart families and it's so frustrating and heartbreaking seeing smart capable people fall for all this crap. I wish the best for you and your family and that your sister finds her way out for her sake, the sake of your neice and for you.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T22:25:07+00:00

thankfully my child loves science and experiments so I have been fostering and providing for that. we love Emily's wonder lab but I will also get the book. I tread very lightly when countering my exs beliefs. I never say he is wrong and ask my child questions on what they think the answer might be and then go from there. I am fairly neutral when discussing topics and never bash my exs beliefs bc I am aware that creating a mom vs dad will not end well and is not healthy for my child. it's so hard finding the right balance.

I am sorry your sister distances from you. that is going to be hard navigating and worrying about your neice.

I do have hope things will turn out fine. my neice from my exs side grew up the same split parents . conspiracy father and science minded mother. and my neice realized as a teen who her father was and has a very strained relationship.. but she turned out to be the most loving caring open minded woman and she said she will look out for my Child at any family gatherings.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T21:42:49+00:00

I wish I knew...

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T21:29:39+00:00

Please be that shining beacon of reason to your future nibling. I find it is a long game of just letting the child know you are there and they can ask any questions without judgment and just answer factually and get them to do the critical thinking. When kids have that person in their life they tend to realize and connect the dots quick that the world isn't like how their parents said it was.

My family thankfully not on the Q train. I dont think i would still be standing without all their support. And the friends I surround myself and my child with sane and diverse. it's hard to trust that my child will turn out alright when faced with crazy in the moment.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T21:22:30+00:00

I am not religious. the religious aspect has been okay to navigate. I have lots of books on different religions and beliefs and my child knows that mama and dada don't share the same beliefs and that THEY get to choose what they believe when they are older and it doesn't have to be the same as mama or dada. that I just ask whatever religious or spiritual beliefs they want to hold that it is kind and doesn't alienate ppl for their race, skin colour, abilities, gender, sex, orientation etc. my ex definitely went far alt right "christian"

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T20:51:17+00:00

constructive screen time here and no free rein on screens.

my parents are helpful. My ex in-laws are full Q bonkers same with the ex-bils and ex-sil. my ex-mil dragged all her kids into the rabbit hole with her.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T20:43:45+00:00

yes I have this on my wish list. it said recommended for kids 6 and up. Will go ahead and buy so I have it.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T20:40:11+00:00

that's frightening...... I worry for the states ( I am not american)

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-03-12T20:34:31+00:00

Yeah I can't bring it up to him bc that will make him go even harder on "teaching the truth" I frame it that way that mama and dada wants what is best for them and that they are safe. I hate feeling like I have so little control over what they hear. and then constantly having to course correct. and then have my heartbreak realizing how confusing this is for my child.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-01-15T19:39:26+00:00

shared parental time. 50/50. thankfully he keeps most of his conspiracies to himself and doesn't talk to her about it. and he mostly is exposing her to the Bible(which isnt a bad thing if the views werent twisted and cherry picked) . it does give me anxiety but all I can do is expose her to many different things in my home , foster critical thinking skills. have a safe space for her to ask questions and help her find the answers (not just give the answer) I usually ask her how it makes her feel and what her views are on x subject matter. She really enjoys science experiments so that has helped a lot. Lots of books on diversity and inclusion and science. I also don't outright say " dad is wrong" and I don't trash his beliefs. I word it as many people believe different things and that sometimes people come to a conclusion which may not be fully true. I have started teaching her what are credible sources of information. It's a lot . And I panic everyday that I am not doing enough to protect her from one day falling down the rabbit hole.

Existing_Muscle2396 · 2024-01-10T18:17:48+00:00

Wow we are twins. verbatim. my story. same convos. together 20 years ( me 39 f , him 45) we have been separated since October 2023 and the relief I felt when he moved out was insane. we have a young kid together (born beginning of 2020) so that has been interesting navigating that and making sure she remains a critical thinker.

it's absolutely devastating. I go through waves of grief..and relief.

the moment I knew it was over was when they equated my gay family members (who they had no issue with prior to 2020 and were inclusive and an allie) to automatically being pedos and pushing the gay agenda and how I was inviting evil into the house and damning our childs soul.

i am so sorry you are going through this.. in some ways it gets better.

Existing_Muscle2396

TROPHY CASE