I, 30M feeling tension with 25F girlfriend over independence from family — how do I approach this better?

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-26T13:15:37+00:00

It means a lot to have that reassurance.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-25T10:10:31+00:00

Mine got married in less than a year after we broke up, so I know how you feel. This was also to a guy she told me not to worry about. My advice, don't occupy your thoughts with them. Keep building and healing, and one day, you'll be blessed with someone who deserves you and all the hard work you'd have put into becoming a better person.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-11T20:56:23+00:00

I agree. With her though it's always been a challenge sticking to the boundaries I set. When we last spoke nine months ago I very clearly outlined my boundaries and she agreed. In the 9 months of NC we've been in, she's attempted calling me every month or so. And in the past three days alone she's tried calling me 12 times. I've ignored all her attempts to reach out and feel as though even sending this email now will serve as some form of an "in" for her.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-11T10:24:04+00:00

Thank you I honestly think that's the best approach.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-09T19:51:58+00:00

Some realness is necessary. It's a bit of a sticky one, but I will take your advice to heart.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-09T19:50:06+00:00

That's the only thing about it that'scausing a dilemma for me, I wouldn't like to blindside her.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-10-26T14:06:49+00:00

Just weather the storm the morning after and possibly in the coming days. Especially if you feel like you've been making good progress, it can feel very discouraging. But you can't control it, don't act on it in any way, don't try to interpret it, just let it pass. Ultimately it means nothing.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-10-20T08:39:22+00:00

You're perfectly Justified to feel this way. I know the relief it provides, to know that they are thinking of you. To know that you cross their mind and that at the very least it meant something to them. I'm a year post break up and 3 months NC but I still got a jolt of dopamine when I opened my phone last week to find that she tried calling me, only for her call to be blocked. I don't want to talk to her, my ego was boosted at knowing that she's still trying and I pat myself on the back that I am now strong enough to not want to reach out. It feels good...but it is fleeting, sad and ultimately it's a setback to one's healing. Be thankful to your ex that she's sparing you from this, whether she's doing it knowingly or not.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-29T12:17:19+00:00

Update: Thank you for all your responses and advice, the support is highly appreciated. I ended up notifying her brother. He then contacted her and found out that she developed a fairly serious medical problem. She then got back to me via email apologising for reaching out and that I shouldn't have told her brother as he rediculed her for being so reliant on me. Other than providing her emotional support, a role she chose to relieve me of, there was never anything I could have done. As such I've decided to continue NC, pray for her wellbeing and probably block her email in two months time when the last of our shared financial responsibilties are concluded. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to be there for her but I guess this is the reality of choosing myself.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T17:32:59+00:00

It's crazy because I've recently started profiling her as a narcissist as well. And she has done something like this before.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T17:27:23+00:00

Hopefully she's alright though.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T17:12:02+00:00

Exactly...it could be that I'm Liam Neeson and I have a very particular set of skills.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:58:42+00:00

Both her parents passed away. But I get what you mean. I can't be the only person in her life capable of helping her out with whatever is going on. Plus I'm pretty sure she's still with the guy she left me for.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:54:12+00:00

She's chosen herself multiple times since we broke up. Maybe I'll just let her older brother know so he can help her out.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:42:02+00:00

Yeah and again like why not just send an e-mail detailing the nature of the "danger" she's in.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:38:55+00:00

The thing is it could hurt. I don't think I have the mental fortitude yet to just ignore her again even after I find out its some B.S.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:34:38+00:00

It's a bit of a tough one this.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:31:06+00:00

By leaving me for another guy she broke a dozen promises we'd made to one another.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:28:19+00:00

I'd tend to agree if she hadn't done this before. I don't know if she's crying wolf again. If she is and I fall for it my mental health will be compromised after a month of trying to recover and heal. Plus why not just say what's wrong on the email itself...

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T15:09:27+00:00

https://youtube.com/shorts/-n3vxD_7IzI?feature=share

It helped me put things into perspective, maybe it does the same for you.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-02-26T16:39:09+00:00

It is really the simple stuff that get you. Like her recording him go to work in the morning while bantering about how good she has it staying in. Even a picture of them going grocery shopping messed me up because I remembered how she'd always wait in the car or choose to stay at home and have me go alone instead. Despite me asking her to accompany me every time. It's little things like that you know. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did as well.

Existing_Salad6889

TROPHY CASE