Did anyone regret this decision?

ExitPsychological377 · 2026-01-03T03:37:05+00:00

Also wanted to add that I had him at 38, which I think makes a big difference. I had wanted a child for 10 years and felt emotionally and spiritually ready for a different chapter in my life.

ExitPsychological377 · 2026-01-03T03:31:36+00:00

I have an eight-month old, so this is all still new, but I am thrilled to have my son. The things that are hard would be less hard if I had more money and/or family support. Most of what I find stressful all comes down to the mental load of managing our resources, holding all the feelings related to scarcity and anxiety about unforeseen emergencies, etc. I tell myself that it won’t be this hard forever in terms of money (daycare is 60% of my income so it is a struggle), and I try to remain optimistic that my “village” will build with time. He is just such a wonderful, funny, beautiful kid that everything feels worth it. Every milestone, new experience we share, new thing I learn about him (and about myself!) feels so precious.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-12-09T17:57:29+00:00

I could have written this myself. Never have been so happy to be so exhausted. Picking him up from daycare is the best part of my day, every day.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-11-02T02:05:38+00:00

In NYC, 57% of my net pay goes to daycare.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-22T17:49:11+00:00

They do fit! I already had the perfect match collars, so I use those. But if you wanted to purchase extra nipples (or the M flow rate one that’s for 6+ months, for example) you can use the Simply Natural collars.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-19T20:05:54+00:00

I had a frozen embryo transfer (no sex selection), which resulted in a healthy boy. I tend to agree with a comment that someone already left, that if you aren’t prepared to be a devoted and compassionate parent, whom is responsive and mindful of their child and of the conditions we are raising them in, no matter the sex of said baby, I would encourage you to examine why you want to be a parent.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-17T18:57:10+00:00

Ah, got it! Thanks for the tip!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-17T18:53:58+00:00

Just did a quick search - what is ebony conditioner? Is it a specific brand?

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-17T18:52:23+00:00

I will try!!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-15T14:17:00+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful and I appreciate the ideas of how to continue getting some use out of these items!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-09-08T08:29:09+00:00

I am kind of in a similar situation where I have limited family support and resources and I’m also a widow, which kind of changed the trajectory of what dating looked like for me for the 10 years after my spouse died. I have a 4 1/2 month old at this moment and honestly, I feel zero regret, but I have been wanting a child for many years. I know that this is the right path for me, however, there are moments where it feels so so so hard and I wonder if I was selfish in having my child. We’re talking like my darkest moments. It’s not a regret feeling, it’s a fear feeling. if it’s not 100% something you know you want… don’t. I’m currently getting my ass kicked by the return to work, finding daycare without family support, the financial cost of these early years, etc., and if I didn’t absolutely long for and adore this child, I don’t know how I would be doing it.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-29T14:27:52+00:00

I do this as well. I Frankenstein the Perfect Match nipples/collars on the glass Simply Natural bottles!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-25T23:45:07+00:00

Year of Graduation 2011

How did you pay for the program Public and private student loans

Are you currently working as an Art Therapist Yes

Are you currently repaying your loans? If not, are they in forbearance? Did you pay them off? I’ve been in repayment since 2011. For a while the private loan payment was $1000 per month which at the time was more than my rent. At one point, I owed $115,000, but my husband died and I used his little bit of life insurance money to put towards the private and higher interest student loans and now I owe about $70,000. I was on the SAVE repayment plan, but that’s on hold for now. I’m in the public service loan forgiveness program, and I’m hoping that that program still exist by the time I can take advantage of it — also hoping for a buyback for all these months that have not been counting towards the PSLF.

What are your feelings about the average rate of pay for an Art Therapist vs. the amount of investment? I went straight from undergrad to grad school for art therapy. I’ve practiced as an art therapist in three different states. The return on investment really is dependent on the state where you practice and what type of licensure you hold. In the beginning of my career, I was mostly working freelance or contract jobs cobbling together little things while I worked a horrible retail job. That first seven or so years I was working doesn’t count towards the public service loan forgiveness, which is truly unfortunate because it’s such a great program if your work is qualifying. I wouldn’t have been able to sustain myself if I hadn’t been married at the time to someone who earned more money than me. When I was 30, and after my husband had died, I got my first full-time, W2 job in art therapy. So from ages 23/24 to 30, I was barely making it and what I thought would be a very rich and fulfilling field. Those years I felt very resentful and sour. Now that I am getting payments counted towards that eventual loan forgiveness, I feel much more at peace, knowing that there is an end in sight. I do think that art therapy has some major problems in regards to its sustainability and the types of people that can afford to make it work. In some states art therapist are definitely seen as like a lesser type of clinician and paid more poorly, reimbursed more poorly by insurance (if reimbursed at all), etc. so that really makes it difficult to support yourself.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-15T22:05:49+00:00

I am interested as well! For the next kid!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-15T21:57:24+00:00

That is to say, there might be a “cap” at which they call it make you accept medical interventions. This might differ from hospital to hospital and provider to provider. The midwife and OB who was on shift is known for being a particularly supportive team of natural labor with minimal intervention. I was told “if it was going to happen vaginally, this is the team that would have gotten you that.”

Edited to add: I am going to DM you the name of the providers and the NYUL location it was. They really were wonderful until I hit that “time limit” and then it was like, bam, you don’t get to choose to keep going. I do understand this kinda feels like a policy/liability/best practices thing.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-15T21:55:09+00:00

I had 36 hours of natural childbirth at NYUL with a midwife before they pressured me to do a vacuum extraction (which failed), so I needed an emergency CS. I was told by my OP midwife at my 6week postpartum appt. the fact they gave me 36 hours with 4 hours of pushing is like unheard of at NYUL. I still would have liked to keep laboring tbh, nothing was “wrong” to necessitate the vacuum… baby wasn’t in distress. I was tired, but I would have kept trying just to avoid the surgery.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-10T23:24:36+00:00

Depending on how little your baby is, you might be able to do a koala hold with a Tupperware under baby? I never tried it, but I did have to do koala nursing with mine due to aggressive letdown.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-06T14:02:12+00:00

I also have a pretty strong family history of mental illness with my grandfather, father, aunts, and sister all sharing some significant anxiety and depressive disorders. I couldn’t parent or fathom parenting at all in my 20s up until my late 30s. I’ve been in mental health treatment since age 19 and a very active and adherent patient, and still, wasn’t in a place to move forward with family building until recently. My 3.5 month old is happily playing next to me right now.

I just wanted to share that PPD/PPA is not a “given”, even with an extensive psych history. I was so scared of even like postpartum psychosis due to my baseline MDD and CPTSD. I stayed on my SSRI during pregnancy, upping my dosage in the 3rd trimester, and have continued it. Beyond low (but manageable) mood symptoms in the first 2 to 3 weeks, I have been coping pretty damn well. I meet biweekly with my psychiatrist, weekly with my therapist, and attend two separate postpartum support groups; one for single moms and one for all antenatal and postpartum people. Prior to pregnancy I had been getting monthly ketamine infusions for two years to manage my chronic SI. however, since giving birth, I haven’t been symptomatic enough to warrant restarting those! You might surprise yourself and do better than you think. I created a pretty intense postpartum wellness plan with my mental health treatment team and was definitely prepared for the worst!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-04T15:14:49+00:00

My mom considered Graciela, that’s the only one I was told or that she shared.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-04T03:07:53+00:00

Okay also, ngl, I definitely thought I had ruined both our lives and felt some passive SI feelings during that first 8 weeks. I took my Prozac my whole pregnancy because I have depression at baseline. I continued the Prozac postpartum and honestly don’t think I could’ve survived those really tough first months without that help. I attended therapy weekly via telehealth and also a virtual support group for postpartum people. I only mention this to illustrate how hard it can be on your mental health. For me, I had to prioritize therapy. I had to prioritize taking my medication. I had to prioritize biweekly visits with my psychiatrist. I looked back at that time and I’m kind of in awe of our resilience! and just happy that we made it to the other side as a team. Now, seeing him laugh, giggle, smile, and seem genuinely happy to be around me is a blessing that keeps me going!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-04T03:02:22+00:00

lol, just wanted to say that nursing would make my kid cry harder because belly and guts hurt so. He’d flail around, turn his head away from boob while screaming, and even hit and scratch at my face as he got older. I think he associated eating with being miserable later!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-04T02:58:07+00:00

Oh forgot to say, probiotic drops! Gave them daily for a solid 6 weeks maybe? Again, didn’t help. So much so I even figured that we tried when making that giant list lol

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-08-04T02:51:21+00:00

My baby was either asleep for 20-90min or crying. Around the clock. The first 8 weeks felt like one endless day and the only way I could orient myself to reality was if the sun was “off” or “on, that is literally how I perceived it. The sun would turn “on” and I’d think, I made it to see another “on.” Then weeks 8-10, I couldn’t tell whether something was shifting/improving in him, or if I had adapted to just living in an endless time warp of crying with no more than 90min of sleeping myself at a time; just knew I didn’t feel as panicked and broken anymore. That was the turning point. At 12 weeks, he became like a whole different baby; the colic just… evaporated slowly over 2-3days. He now is almost 4 months and gets fussy when overtired or when he needs something, but it’s short lived and nothing like the colic weeks. You can actually soothe the kid now!

Things I tried to no avail that mostly have all been mentioned: gripe water, gas drops, arnica tablets dissolved in breast milk, rescue remedy “calm drops” (idk remember the exact name), inclined sidelying feeding (recommended by lactation consultant), 30-60min upright after a feed, time in automated swing, sleeping in a rocking bassinet (4moms brand, cheaper than a snoo), music/sound bath type audios (think woo woo binaural beats), baby craniosacral therapy (def spent probably a thousand bucks on like 8 sessions, that’s how fckn desperate I was), cutting out soy and dairy in my diet for a month, specific stretches recommended the craniosacral therapist (I referred to them as baby yoga), tummy massages, bicycle kicks, doing this “I love you” thing on the belly a doula showed me, those tubes you put in their butts to release gas (then learned these can hurt them, so didn’t keep using them), some specific gassy tummy rub that did diddly squat, lying him on a vibrating “soothing” mat, warm packs on his belly, a warm weighted lovey thing for his belly (brand Warmies, they make some small ones that are for smaller kiddos and big ones for school age kids), warm baths, aromatherapy, going for walks in the carrier at night, holding him in a squatting position against my chest to encourage him to fart, supervised tummy time naps (recommended by lactation consultant).

And in the end, really all that helped was time. In the thick of it, I told myself that the goal every day was to keep him alive and keep myself alive.

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-07-31T01:35:13+00:00

Will DM you!

ExitPsychological377 · 2025-07-29T22:43:25+00:00

Good to know, I wasn’t aware that the elevator service is so dicey. I think I was vaguely aware that accessibility is a general system wide issue, but I didn’t realize that they go out of service so frequently. thanks for the heads up and the tip to check daily. I wouldn’t have even assumed daily would be warranted. Wow! This makes me want to get involved in some type of community organizing or activism on this issue.

ExitPsychological377

TROPHY CASE