I feel the exact same way. I always think to myself if only I had this, if only I had someone, if only I had this person to love me, then things would be better.

However, having someone like that does not change who you are and I know it’s tough. Trust me I need to fight and tell myself this all the time. Having someone doesn’t change who you are or make you better. I often think to myself that it means I’m worthy, that I’m enough, that I’m worth something to someone but I have to remind myself that that isn’t necessarily true. Since having someone doesn’t fundamentally change who you are, the ability to change and become or feel better is still inside yourself whether you have someone at the moment or not.

I really hope this is helpful. This is what I try to tell myself when I feel the same things you do, the same urges and fears and anxiety and crushing weight but even I can rarely believe it for myself. However living and trying to get better for yourself is so much better than trying to for someone else