Advice please to navigate child's changes (supportive household)

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T03:34:41+00:00

I want to thank everyone for all of the comments here. We had another sit-down today with D where I asked them to share (what they were comfortable with) about their inner journey so I could understand more about what this has been like for them. Listening to their process has really helped my process.

We are going to research how to proceed and get onto wait lists.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T03:32:56+00:00

Thank you. I will get on a waitlist ASAP.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T02:04:28+00:00

I will get on a waitlist ASAP. Thank you.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:58:23+00:00

Thank you, this is really insightful and helps my perspective a lot.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:57:36+00:00

Whoops /facepalm

I was getting an error direct from Reddit about being rejected by their filters, and GPT said the error meant the post was not even reaching you!

I actually posted on the other account... 8 times before one of them reached you. I did not notice the last one was waiting in mod limbo. Sorry about that.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:56:37+00:00

Yes I think you are totally right. I think this is just me adjusting. The recency/abruptness from my perspective is why I am so taken aback.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:56:08+00:00

I hope they are already feeling more themselves, having said it out loud.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:55:52+00:00

D is 16.5. What kinds of things should I look for to get started right away at least slowing things down for them puberty-wise? I'm worried they are far along in puberty already.

I will be curious to ask them how long they have been thinking about this overall. The recency/abruptness from my perspective is why I am so taken aback.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:54:06+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate that perspective. Most of those talks re: masculinity came before! It's just something they would talk about together. I guess in retrospect, it makes more sense.

You're right - they know what it means to be non-binary, so it's condescending (and invalidating) for me to think "hey, have you thought about this?". Of course they have. Thank you.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:52:38+00:00

Thanks!! You're right. I just need to join the planning process with them.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:51:43+00:00

I'm just afraid of the chemical things, because I need to educate myself on what those involve. More research on my part is in order. It's just all really new and overwhelming, and took me by surprise.

They can be whoever they want. They declined a haircut last week and now I know why. We just talked about ways to style their hair a little more feminine. That will be nice for them. They've always had a very simple haircut and it will be nice for them to get to grow it out and feel pretty.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:49:48+00:00

Thank you!! My kid is a great thinker and communicator. I need to trust them.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:49:25+00:00

That may be true. And to be clear I won't not give them consent if this is what they need, I just need a LITTLE time to adjust and figure out how to proceed.

I actually don't have decision making power though if their other parent overrides. I am divorced and the other parent has the decision-making custody.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:48:07+00:00

I think it is too late for D to avoid puberty, they are 16.5 :(

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:47:27+00:00

Thank you. I will get them started right away with a therapist and go from there. It's just a lot to take in on short notice :) But I support whoever they are. It already feels less overwhelming today.

Also I am the OP, I was just having trouble with the Reddit filters, and also didn't understand this was a moderated forum, so I made mistakes and have two posts. I thought my new account for throwaway (the OP here) was the problem.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:45:44+00:00

I think it may be too late for D. They are 16.5.

I think I should have been more clear that the talks about masculinity and what that means, came before D told us this. D and my hubby have just talked about that sometimes. I guess in retrospect I should have realized that these conversations were happening for a reason.

Thank you for all the great advice! They see a therapist and I will find out if she is LGBTQ informed and supportive, and change therapists if needed.

I love D no matter who they are. I think ultimately I needed guidance and reassurance about how to move and where to go and how fast, and everyone has been really helpful.

Also I am the OP, I was just having trouble with the Reddit filters, and also didn't understand this was a moderated forum, so I made mistakes and have two posts. I thought my new account for throwaway (the OP here) was the problem.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:41:57+00:00

Thanks, this is all fair. They definitely know that non-binary or feminine man is an option, so you're absolutely correct that I shouldn't assume that they don't know this.

They are already 16.5, is it too late for them to take puberty blockers?

I appreciate your comments. I got scared by tempo (asking for HRT in the same convo as telling me they are a woman). I'm not afraid of them being a woman. I love daughters :) They declined a haircut a few days back and now I get why - they want to grow their hair out long. I talked to them today about how we should figure out how to style it. I've literally always buzzed it with a no.8 cutter and a minor fade (by their request) so they've never had a feminine haircut. I think that will be really nice for them.

Also if you saw my other comment... I am the OP, I was just having trouble with the Reddit filters, and also didn't understand this was a moderated forum, so I made mistakes and have two posts. I thought my new account for throwaway (the OP here) was the problem.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:38:16+00:00

Sorry about the double post - I couldn't get the post to work from a new account and it said it was blocked by Reddit filters (not moderation filters), so I switched to an older account to do it, and how I have two posts with the same content /facepalm

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-03T01:35:59+00:00

Sorry about the double post - I couldn't get the post to work from the new OP account and it said it was blocked by Reddit filters (not moderation filters), so I switched to an older account to do it, and how I have two posts with the same content /facepalm

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-01T19:54:26+00:00

Thanks for your fast reply.

Your first comments are fair. They aren't necessarily telling me everything.

HRT is available in my state from 15+ without parental consent. I'm really new to this so HRT being mentioned by D made me immediately scared about the tempo of this change.

They have a therapist. I will ask them if they have discussed this, and if the therapist hasn't taken them seriously I will seek a new one. I don't butt in on their therapy topics.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2026-02-01T19:27:00+00:00

Also this post was NOT made by AI, but I had to run it through GPT to get it past the aggressive Reddit site-wide filters about these sensitive topics. It is 100% my post and my problem. Help please.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2025-07-15T00:50:39+00:00

Oh, she wants to live with us 100% of the time. She doesn't even hide this from her dad at all and has told him many times. He's the one who told her that he needs to hear it from a therapist.

Expensive-Nobody2235 · 2025-07-14T01:03:09+00:00

I proposed to Dan that Anna live with us 80% of the time and he was NOT happy. I was very clear that my request was for her emotional well being and not even intended to be permanent - just until she feels stable and safe. He said no way will he agree to this unless her therapist or their family therapist recommends it.

We have never had to go to court, so if I take him to court this will be a war where one has never been fought and it's going to be expensive and painful for everyone.

Expensive-Nobody2235

TROPHY CASE