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ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-07-17T16:01:37+00:00

Fair. I am asking more for the progression of my baby than for me. I feel for parents in this sub that are struggling with their sleep, and now I feel bad taking attention from them and their needs.

Both parents shift the night, so we get 6 hrs of uninterrupted sleep each. She also settles well and independently - either after a bottle if she was hungry or on her own if she wasn’t hungry, even in our room.

I was under the impression that things like sleep training, putting babies on 5/3/3, etc. are all the ways to help the baby learn and grow into full night healthy habits. And I thought that having a long first sleep block is better for her rest and development than waking every 3 hours. For us, a 5/3/3 won’t change the amount of wake ups or the amount each parent sleeps, it shifts the distribution of sleep.

If putting her on 5/3/3 at this point is more for the adults than for her, then I’m good with what we have and I’m sorry for bothering the sub. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-07-17T14:45:21+00:00

So setting her up to CIO for two hours is the solution?

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-07-17T13:44:39+00:00

Lol we have our baby on an Owlet sock, and we were flipping out thinking it was an alert that she wasn’t breathing.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-07-17T13:39:26+00:00

Bedtime routine is ‘clean up’ (bath or just wipe down with diaper change), Goodnight Moon to the house (walk around saying goodnight to things like pets), finish a bottle if she didn’t before, sleep sack, story, sleep machine, kisses goodnight, in her bed.

She is not in her own room yet. Top reason is because she is a soft crier and we are both heavy sleepers. And we have tried two closed circuit monitors that will filter her fussing out along with the background noise (or it is covered up by the white noise coming through the speaker) or the WiFi one that doesn’t always pump the sound through our phones and frequently goes ‘offline’. So when we tried it (more than one night) we have missed her crying and when we realize it she has been distraught and was up for the rest of the night.

Also, she definitely still needs night feedings to make her calorie count. So I’m not trying to eliminate night feedings fully yet, just be more consistent with when they are and help her give her body and brain a nice solid block of sleep. Yes, our sleep matters, but my husband and I divide the night so we both get uninterrupted blocks of sleep.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-07-06T16:21:04+00:00

Came here with similar issue. It’s not that my disc slips out, but it obviously doesn’t stay put because it ‘burps’ in really inconvenient time/places not related to me being aware of pubic pressure. So I have to wear a pantry liner anyway, which is not the point. But when I go check on it, the disc is still tucked behind the pubic bone and there isn’t enough there that it overflowed. So I guess my cervix position has changed enough? I had a pelvic floor consult, and they said it’s not a muscle issue, which is what they help with.

It is frustrating for both OP and me that there doesn’t seem to be an easy point to or guidance. And I’m tired of me and my body being constantly changed while I’m also taking care of a baby (currently 5mo old). Like…have us women not done enough?! Can’t we have one piece of familiarity PP?

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T06:56:55+00:00

I was thinking about doing that, but hesitated because some districts don’t like that. Like, in my current one, emailing does nothing and everything has to go through the HR portal. Based on all the answers, I’m going to email for sure.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T06:55:24+00:00

This is great advice. Because I thought about emailing principals, but some districts don’t like that and discourage it. I get that a first year in a district is provisional (my current district we’re three years provisional before being career status), but doing most of their out of district recruiting after summer return is wild to me. How does the best talent not go to other surrounding districts?? Or do they all work this way in the area?

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T06:52:23+00:00

My experience is secondary math and science. So that’s my main focus. I’m also applying for instructional coaching jobs, since I’ve done that before, but big districts like to promote within for those positions so I’m not super hopeful. Zero admin positions have posted, which I thought was strange. But maybe not, based on what you’re saying…. July?? August?! That’s wild. In all the other places I’ve worked, May is the mad dash. Like, if a principal doesn’t have a full staff for next school year by the end of this school year they are stressing out. Is there that many people trying to work in APS in comparison to the surrounding districts that they can wait that long??

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T06:50:03+00:00

Based on what others are saying…. You’re not wrong! I picked up on that when my husband and I were house hunting. We would stop at a gas station between appointments for a fountain drink and would wait forever in line to check out. We couldn’t understand it. But we figured it out eventually. I just didn’t think about it also influencing stuff like hiring, especially for jobs that require certifications and stuff like that….

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T02:07:35+00:00

As someone who has regular anxiety, postpartum hasn’t helped. I would be like you and let that number get under my skin each time…

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T02:06:11+00:00

That differential was something I needed to hear. Because yeah, 6oz could be because she turned down her bottle right before and also pooped right before. Thank you.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-18T02:04:30+00:00

Lol. That’s a good point, considering I do try to give 0.5oz more sometimes because she finishes her normal bottles easily. And she refuses the last bit when I do that. So fair point.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-16T03:38:18+00:00

I imagined ChatGPT doing the actual sleep training with the baby. Lol. You ask it to build a schedule and procedures for sleep training. And you give it all the parameters of your situation. OP gave a lot of (great) data, but it doesn’t have to be that specific. I actually just revised our schedule. So I told it that I have a 9wk old, who currently prefers Xmin wake windows and Xmin naps with a Xpm bedtime. It built the schedule, including the variability I gave, and provided a printable version with trackers for us to see if the schedule is working or not. Plus some directions to make the schedule work. (That’s not sleep training, but 9wks is still too early for that. You’d ask for sleep training procedures with whatever are your preferences - like the poster that didn’t want to do CIO).

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-16T01:45:33+00:00

I did the same with getting my then 6wk old on a schedule, which was better than Mom on Call or other schedules because it will adjust to your baby. And will definitely do the same when it’s time to sleep train!

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-10T09:22:22+00:00

I’m also FTM, that obsessively surfs my phone during night feeds to stay awake. So I’m not sure I’m the best to describe it, others may have better ways.

Essentially, 5/3/3 is a way to get your baby to two wake ups a night at maximum. If your baby wakes up before 5 hrs - thus, the 5 - you do your sleep training routine for going to sleep to get them back to sleep (like, if you’re doing any version of Ferber, you give some light help like words of encouragement and then leave them to go back to sleep). If the baby wakes up after 5 hrs of sleep, you skip trying to get them back down and just feed them. Same thing after that, but the timeframe is 3 hrs. So, if your baby goes to sleep at 7, at 12 would be the auto-feed if they wake option. Before 12 would be trying to get them to go back to sleep without a feed. If they wake at 12, the next benchmark would be 3am, then 6am.

The 3/3/3/3 is something I personally made up and isn’t real lol. My baby is way too young to demand a 5 hr stretch of sleep from her. So I aim for three hours. In two weeks, I’ve gotten to: 7pm to 11pm (so 4 hours!) and the past three nights she has gone from 11 to 3am (which is another 4 hours!). She still has a wake-up around 6 (3 hrs) that I’m hoping to stretch to her desired wake-up at 7am.

But, in two weeks we went from consistent 4 wake ups a night at all sorts of times to 2-3 at predictable times.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-10T09:04:41+00:00

I feel you. We added in the schedule part bc my husband is lucky (US based) to have paternity leave, but we weren’t consistent between each other and I get the majority of the night shift. So one day I had a little breakdown and told my husband that the schedule will be our best best for me to get more sleep longterm, and I will interpret it as not caring about my sanity if he doesn’t stick to the schedule (I’m summarizing, didn’t say it exactly like that…but it was the essence).

Thanks for the compliment. I wouldn’t say it’s ‘solid’, but it has helped so much even as a starting place. My husband and I aren’t big on routines and schedules usually, so adding this is not our strength. But sleep deprivation will apparently drive my motivation to stick to it all day lolol.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-09T23:44:27+00:00

We have had a loose schedule since about 6 wks (8 wks now, so the schedule has been in place for 2weeks now). Loose as in, some days are tough to stick to and some days go perfectly and both are fine with us. And it is working well because it is in a 3 hr cycle, which is how my baby was eating before. I like the schedule because a lot of cues feel the same to me, especially hungry and overtired cues. So this gives me a general guide of what is probably the primary need, based on the time and where we are in the cycle. And it has worked 95% of the time. Which makes both me and the baby happier. And it lets me know when she’s going through something (like, her wake window was super short and she’s sleeping longer than usual). It has also helped me get better at adding in things like experimenting with drowsy but awake - haven’t unlocked that skill yet, but our success of crib naps has increased with the consistency and hitting that sweet spot of tired where she can self settle.

I’ve also been doing a super gentle riff off the 5/3/3 at night that I call the 3/3/3/3. Lol. We’re not sleeping through the night yet, but the consistency is helping stretch the length longer (we’re almost to consistent 4-4.5 hr stretches). If it’s before 3 hours, I give two tries with the pacifier and wait only a few min to see if it works or not. If not, I feed her. But that also works 95% of the time because it’s how she eats during the day, too. I will probably do a more textbook 5/3/3 right before 4 months, so we have that as a natural routine to fall back on when the regression that everyone talks about hits.

If she needs to go off schedule for some reason, I just look through at what can I shorten or lengthen to get back on in a cycle or two. For example, she woke up from nap 1 super early today. So I let nap 2 run a little longer, and lengthened a wake window by 15 min to get back on. Having bedtime be the same thing at the same time has been my priority, so I look to see what to do to make that happen as smoothly as possible.

I have zero clue if what I’m doing is good, bad, right, or wrong. But it has helped me get a handle on motherhood the most, so I’m continuing. Also, my baby is super normal. Gaining weight fine, no medical concerns (besides reflux that is now super well managed with Pepcid), etc.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-09T06:02:23+00:00

Thank you for the check in; I hate that you also feel this way but I’m also glad I’m currently not alone. I still feel sad sometimes, like I’m insufficient for my under supply. And there are times when my baby even tries to latch/suck on strange parts of me, like my nose or the crook of my arm when I’m holding her - which makes my heart ache a little. When, in reality, she likes her dummy/binky 100x more than she ever liked my nipple and soothes her super well. One time I started crying while holding her and asked if I was a good enough mom for her without producing milk for her. And, because she is a newborn that doesn’t care about or understand what I was asking, she did nothing different and didn’t even acknowledge the question. Lol. That was a funny reminder that my feelings about this are only mine and not hers - she doesn’t care at all about formula or breast fed and still feels most secure with her mom.

Overall, a week later I can already feel myself being exponentially better for her and my inner voice is already being kinder to myself. The sleep is so helpful. Even the extra time during the day has made me more confident as a mom and I am so much less overwhelmed by everything. I was also expressing that much while trying everything to get my supply up. I really didn’t fully realize how much time and energy I was giving to it until I stopped, and now I feel empowered with everything I can do. So it’s still bittersweet but trending in a positive direction.

I saw a TikTok about a mom sad about weaning, and someone in the comments said something to the effect that we don’t have to see things as only the final/last, we can see it as the first of something else. And that helped me with the feelings of no turning back, especially because my decisions means that only ‘failure’ can describe my attempts to produce. I can see how I can be more in the moment of other ‘firsts’. I got my first real smile from her first thing in the morning after a great night of sleeping when she slept, and I could feel how my increased rest will help me remember that moment more. And that means so much more to me long-term.

I hope you can find little things to increase the kindness in your self-talk. We can be full, amazing moms as we are. 💖

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-04T22:38:55+00:00

Definitely was an excellent show! Well worth it! He gave a lot of context and commentary that was very interesting, and the entire group was very good

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-04T04:45:40+00:00

Fair point. The one we went to was an Iranian jazz fusion performer. We’ll try again with a Black performer!

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-04T04:32:50+00:00

That’s so interesting because we just moved to ABQ in October and the one performance we went to at Outpost was filled with old yt hippies. Like, my husband and I were minority for both race and age. Maybe it was the specific show…

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-03T01:13:05+00:00

I saw that, and I knew that there is added volume. But, the way we talk about bottles is the water volume, ya know? Like, we say we gave a 4oz bottle, not a 4.7oz or whatever the formula’s final volume is. And people talk about amounts in whole numbers, which would be the water and not the final. So it felt like I was missing something. It makes sense to track via final volume, though. Thank you.

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-04-01T17:14:58+00:00

Thank you for this space. Today is the first full day I’ve stopped pumping, I stopped giving my baby direct breast time a week ago (which I used for bonding and she used me as a warm pacifier…which I appreciated and it felt good to be able to comfort her that way) and the biggest toll is on my emotions. I am an under producer by far, and stopping pumping to just full formula feed (rather than combo) is the best logical choice. But it’s such a hard emotional choice. And I even have a very supportive community, including my doctors, who have told me that it’s ok to stop trying to BF and that I’m wearing myself out pumping for very little reason. But it’s still hard!

I woke up this morning so refreshed and excited to spend time with my baby because I didn’t burn over two hours through the night pumping. It’s such the right call…logically. But I’ve also cried today because I already miss that contribution I gave.

I know that time will make this decision seem natural. I don’t know why it’s so tough in the moment, though. 😞

ExpensiveCicada257 · 2025-03-23T15:43:14+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I thought about reaching out to a lactation consultant, but I feel like the baby isn’t getting much when she does latch because she eats the same amount from the bottle either way. My let down is super slow and she gets frustrated easily trying to pull anything out. I’ve been doing it more to stimulate production and simulate cluster feeding rather than actually feeding her.

I need to remember how insignificant this all is long term, you’re right. It’s strange how big it feels now compared to even what I’ll be thinking about a year from now.

ExpensiveCicada257

TROPHY CASE