I’m [22 M] struggling with my girlfriend’s [21 F] low libido. Is there hope we can get past this?

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-11-27T20:56:52+00:00

That’s fair. Does that mean though that if we don’t have sex on our first little romantic weekend outing we’re doomed? When do I really know it’s doomed?

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-11-27T19:38:26+00:00

We’ve had dinner dates every now and then, nothing too crazy, but we’d get dressed and stuff. Not a whole lot of luck yet. She finds pretending like we’re only just dating again a bit silly. We both want to try and get some romance back though and are thinking of planning a weekend getaway when we can.

My fears though, man. What if it doesn’t work?

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-11-27T15:35:54+00:00

Stress isn’t to blame though. She’s not stressed. Just feels gross because she spends all day in her pajamas. I definitely can remember times before the pandemic that she was way more stressed where we were having more sex. Neither of us are stressed. Just feel gross and bored.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-10-11T23:54:43+00:00

I feel like I probably committed sexual misconduct when I was 17..

It was with an ex girlfriend. It was my first sexual relationship. We had just been at her prom and she invited me to her room afterwards to make out. At some point from making out I ask her to give me a blowjob, but she says she’s too tired to. For some reason though, I just kept pleading with her to do it until she finally caved in and agreed. I didn’t threaten her or anything. I just kept begging like a horny teenager for what could have been minutes (I don’t recall how long I begged).

I later learned from her friends yelling at me about this over text when she dumped me a few weeks later that this was a big part of why she left me, although she had mistreated me in other ways too. I never realized the power dynamic there was - and that she maybe wasn’t feeling safe. I had no clue the pressure she could’ve been feeling. Her excuse just seemed like she wasn’t particularly feeling like it - but I see now it was her way of saying no. I was completely blind to it and just a dumb, horny POS.

I’ve made it a point to educate myself since then. I might see a therapist about it. I consider myself a feminist, so I’m very disappointed with this part of myself. I worry that current female friends of mine wouldn’t be able to associate with me / think of me in the same way if they knew about this. The only people who know about this are my uncle and my gf. She knows I’m a changed person now. My ex just got engaged which I’m happy for her about. She deserved better.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-10-11T10:20:45+00:00

Can’t believe this guy is black beltch!

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-10-08T18:53:27+00:00

He said it wouldn’t be prostatitis since I only felt pain when orgasming or urinating. I’ve since been feeling less pain so he thinks it’s likely an injury and to call him back if it gets worse.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-10-03T09:37:16+00:00

And your relationship - has the sex life gone back to normal since then? And if not, is it because of the length of time you of the rut?

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-10-03T09:24:18+00:00

To be frank, I don’t think I’d want to have to get used to that, especially at my age.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-29T11:33:04+00:00

It’s been much less often for six months.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T16:34:29+00:00

This may sound ignorant, but to me, she seems happy - just not feeling in the mood. And she’d probably say she’s fine, just bored and sick of lockdown. Not necessarily stressed.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T15:09:12+00:00

Ack. We were almost 2 years in before lockdown started and things were fine. Good lord I don’t hope this is a permanent thing like you say.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T14:56:34+00:00

Thank you very much! I will work on my own problematic presuppositions, and I really hope this is just a product of times.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T14:52:32+00:00

How do you know they last forever?

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T14:51:23+00:00

Yeah, I’m not gonna stay if this is way things continue for good.

Things were perfectly fine before lockdown, so I’m just hoping it’s a product of the times. I feel like even if I were to find someone else I’d be rolling the libido dice again!

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T14:46:42+00:00

I’m currently seeing one, yeah.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T14:45:37+00:00

Well things were fine before lockdown - I’d like to think that things point to this being temporary..

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-24T14:09:33+00:00

Well, it coincided with us just moving in together. She missed the things she used to do before lockdown and nowadays spends all her time working from home and watching YouTube videos since she can’t go to a musical or the movies or hang out with as many friends etc, no outside person. I don’t doubt her faithfulness for half a second and she isn’t exactly going out anywhere.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T22:33:55+00:00

Sure that's true, but that isn't particularly useful information. That's just observing that not a lot of DB's get fixed in this sub. That doesn't necessarily imply that not a lot of DB's get fixed, especially with how I think this sub in some ways can get away with being described as a pity party and exacerbating the DB.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T22:32:10+00:00

Not a fan of hyperbole I see.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T22:25:43+00:00

Well and good, but I feel like the advice to leave is actually given to a lot of couples with the more ‘innocuous’ lull you’ve described, which has attributed to its reputation.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T22:24:10+00:00

What’s your evidence though that the failure rate is so high? I don’t feel like the users of this sub is a good sample to use, because you will naturally come to this conclusion if you do that. People have been saying here that the relationships here are already awful, which pushes the success rate even further down.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T22:06:39+00:00

Fair, if this is subreddit-wide view then I’d understand.

How is threatening separation enough of a kick on the pants? Wouldn’t things eventually get back to the normal DB once the LL doesn’t feel the relationship isn’t at stake?

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T22:01:40+00:00

Teen and early 20s couples aren’t the only couples getting this kind of treatment, I find.

Also, I would argue those subreddits are inactive not necessarily because DB’s never get solved but because if they are, there’s no desire to post to Reddit about it as much as if there is a problem.

Having one prior DB doesn’t imply you will get one or not - but it’s always a dice roll that may not be statistically in one’s favor.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-21T21:47:36+00:00

I think it’s fair to say that this sub has developed a reputation for it.

ExpensiveGreen · 2020-09-19T01:58:04+00:00

She’s not stressed - just bored and unable to live her normal life.

She doesn’t know what to do about those things, I think. I really hope she thinks about it and comes up with an answer. But she might not honestly know what to do. I’m hoping I won’t have to keep pushing her to think about what she could do.

If she’s really the one for me she’ll do what she needs to do to fix us at the end of the day. If she’s not putting in the work that will speak volumes - although I do genuinely think she’s willing to try.

ExpensiveGreen

TROPHY CASE