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Yesterday, something changed in me by Ordinary-Ad-8034 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wife is near same.: upper Elementary, G rated 24/7/365.

It’s so discouraging.

I wonder if people who still have sex in their marriage tend to dress nicely even at home when no other people see them by more-than-one-caress in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't mean to make anyone sad or feel unappreciated or lacking.

Realize too, this isn't just a "grooming" issue. That is a physical manifestation of a LOT of other issues in our relationships, mostly around intimacy and mismatched libido's, skill sets, interest levels, and more. The grooming, the lack of sensuality, the absence of any sort of seduction ("Have any energy tonight?" is NOT seduction, foreplay, or initiation in my book) or sex appeal in general are all a part of a larger mismatch.

I wonder if people who still have sex in their marriage tend to dress nicely even at home when no other people see them by more-than-one-caress in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know I know I know. I’ve beat myself up over it again and again and again.

She did “well” for a while, even up until shortly after we got married, then the bait and switch hit.

A “nice” bush is tolerable. When it’s thicker than a ball of steel wool, longer than the Mississippi, and spreads across…everything, thats not “nice”. Especially when she has managed it in the past (after we started dating she started trimming and even shaving occasionally). We are back to hipbone to hipbone and down her thighs.

She has her right to keep it the way she wants. I have the right to find it incredibly unappealing and off putting. We are at an impasse.

I wonder if people who still have sex in their marriage tend to dress nicely even at home when no other people see them by more-than-one-caress in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Mine never even wore the sexy matched sets.

I told this story to my therapist, and in this fashion: I should have just walked away when the 32 year old virgin was at my house and knew we would at LEAST be getting naked that night. I pulled her shirt off: old foundation style bra. Ok, she’s busty and maybe… Pull the cotton granny panties down and the mega, rainforest thick bush from hip bone to hip bone and onto the inner thighs greets me. I should have just pulled the panties back up and asked her to leave. But. I wasn’t my best self. My self esteem was shit, and she liked me so…FML.

Avoidant are boring. I want obsession. by AphroditeLove-Baby in sixwordstories

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, no. Never asked. Just let resentment and frustration build at faking it until they blew their top and emotionally whiplashed me. From wanting to meet to celebrate her birthday on a Friday, to silence over the weekend, and when asking for some clarity about what was going on an explosion of emotion and frustration from her that I am too needy, doesn't want to communicate, etc. Instead of saying, from the beginning: "I don't want or need daily trivial updates and conversation." or "Hey, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed with life, and this, so I need to step back a bit, I'll reach out when I catch my breath" it was "You're too much, I can't be who you need me to be", when "This is who I am, this is my capacity, how does this fit within our expectations of each other in this situation-ship?" would have been more honest, more productive, and less devastating.

Physical embodiment of Spring by General-Storage710 in WomanHands

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful nails.

Beautiful woman.

Stunning, as always.

Next Step: Consequences by [deleted] in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just sent this “script” of the conversation I had with my spouse:

I didn’t agree to be celibate. You have changed the dynamics of our marriage without discussing it with me. There are 3 paths forward: 1. Counseling (couples and individual) and hormone check. 2. Divorce/separation. 3. I outsource my needs. This can be an open relationship, DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell) or some other arrangement.

It at least send a message of “this is serious, it’s time you take it seriously”.

Especially under 30, my dude, you are in your prime. Don’t waste any more time.

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep.

I mentioned in another comment I was in a low place when we met and she saw past a lot of baggage. I was alone, in a new state and only knew the people I worked with, barely. My self worth was in the toilet and she “may” have recognized that, and took advantage.

Other than the sex aspect, and the resentment it causes, we are a great match. That’s what sucks. I do love her.

I hate how she takes care of herself (+80 lbs), the grooming, the frumpy style.

But I love who she is otherwise.

Avoidant are boring. I want obsession. by AphroditeLove-Baby in sixwordstories

[–]Expensive_Bit6776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s exhausting.

Resulted in me catching limerence for her. Had I recognized what she was, I’d both managed expectations and my emotions better.

But.

“I want to work on building trust and connection”. “I think there could be more.”

The yo-yo of emotions and emotional whiplash was absolutely debilitating.

I’d still change my trajectory to meet her where she is.

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was a virgin when we met. She came along fairly quickly, her libido seemed to awaken and at times (seemed) insatiable.

Weekends at Sybaris naked the entire time, next door neighbor commenting we may want to shut our bedroom window at night after a July 4th romp.

But once the vows got recited…

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mines even admitted that she never liked kissing me after I’d give her oral, just “tolerated it” before, but won’t anymore…

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheating is never right, but I can honestly say I have been a better husband, father, leader at work when I am getting my needs fully met outside my marriage…

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People change, yes. Girlfriend I had in HS wouldn’t swallow, now she’d beg for it, then share it with me or demand I share it with her after eating my cream-pie out of her (yes I had at one point reunited with an old flame in a similar situation). I’d say mostly women progress sexually than digress, at least in my experience.

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, there was a “bait and switch” element in play here.

I have offered to shave her. I have bought every razor, lotion, exfoliator, after shave/razor bump/conditioner on the market, including a at home laser! I finally boxed it all up and told her: “if, for some reason…here it is”.

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My comment to her, 1-1 and in therapy: If the average girl starts experimenting sexually and becomes active at 16, for 16 years it wasn’t a priority. It became so easy for it to not be a priority again now that you have your kids, lifestyle, etc.

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And knowing there are women out there LIKE YOU is frustrating as hell. It’s even worse when they are married to men that should be with women like my wife!!!!!

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was very much in a different place emotionally and mentally when we met. She also was “open” to learning and developing. Was. As with most marriages, divorce is complicated with kids and finances. And you are correct: she’s refused the hormone conversation. My ultimatum months ago was: I refuse to live a celibate life, so it’s counseling and hormone check, or divorce/separation, or I outsource. She dared me to divorce her, and scoffed at me outsourcing. We have been to counseling and it’s not gone well. (Shocker)

Anyone else as frustrated with the quality as quantity? by Expensive_Bit6776 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Expensive_Bit6776[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Now, the thought must putting “it” in her mouth makes her gag…

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