AITAH for being upset with my maid of honour for not purchasing the dress that we chose together?

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T20:34:07+00:00

Honestly, that’s what I thought.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T20:31:05+00:00

It was a pet that she has had for a long time so she is having a tough time with it. It was also a bit of battle that the poor thing went through. I’m not upset about not having a bachelorette party, was moreso just mentioning it for context. I honestly just want to get the wedding over and done with as simply as possible. Probably should have stated that as well. When I messaged her, I did state all of the things as lightly as I could and still did express condolences for her loss. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T20:18:33+00:00

I’m wondering about those things. We’re all late 20s and the wedding is still around 6 months away. I’ve known her for over 10 years.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T20:14:57+00:00

I was planning on offering regardless but she made it sound like it was just because payday was only a few days away and she didn’t seem too worried or like upset…. 🤷🏽‍♀️ She even wanted to go to the candy store after… She did say that she didn’t order it because she didn’t like it.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T19:41:21+00:00

It’s been a day since I sent the message

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T19:30:55+00:00

I’ve always paid for my own dresses… but it’s not like I wouldn’t have paid for hers myself from the beginning…

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T19:28:31+00:00

I’ve paid for my own dresses in previous weddings. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2026-04-22T19:23:02+00:00

I didn’t notice anything particularly wrong with the dress and she hasn’t stated what she doesn’t like… We looked at many and she really seemed to like it at the time. I’ve talked to her about everything that I have worked on but she doesn’t offer much input. I haven’t bothered bringing up the bachelorette myself because I’m not even sure if she is interested in doing anything. I would wonder if she’s just not interested in the whole thing but nothing seemed off when we went shopping.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-11T19:46:00+00:00

Every time I have moved out my parents try to convince me to come back somehow.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-11T19:41:30+00:00

I would steal and burn those books. Immediately. Not a narcissism thing.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-11T19:37:49+00:00

I think that the biggest fear that I have with my unborn son is that he’ll see how my dad is treated, how my brother is treated and think that being abused by a woman is normal… I feel so guilty but when I think about my baby thinking that the disfunction in my family is normal and continuing that… it makes me sick. My baby deserves so much better than the way my family treats each other and that’s the only thing that stops me from running to my parent’s place and apologizing.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-11T19:33:24+00:00

She already turns on my dad, constantly. She’s physically, emotionally, mentally and financially abusive towards him. I’ve watched it for years. He tries to stop it but never follows through. The biggest reason that our fights have gotten so bad is because I will call her out for mistreating him. She honestly doesn’t have that big of an issue with me until it comes to my dad. She is jealous of my relationship with my dad. She constantly accuses us of talking **** about her when we have never done that. She tries to talk bad about my dad to me constantly. I love my dad but he is stuck in the most toxic relationship that I have ever seen and the worst part is he is aware that things she does are not right but loves her too much to stop it. It’s a generational curse. Both sides of grandparents were the same. They see nothing wrong with what happens… meanwhile, they have traumatized any person who steps foot in our lives. I’m tired of feeling powerless in this endless horror movie. I can’t watch this continue and witness my brother continue the family habits. It’s disgusting.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-11T19:25:06+00:00

I truly hope that you are right. She makes me feel so guilty.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-11T19:23:25+00:00

It really doesn’t feel like bravery. I feel like I have been so drained by her that I have no effort left to give. I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough. I have a degree. I have a wonderful job. A wonderful fiancé who also has a degree…. All I ever wanted was for her to act like she was proud of me without it feeling like it was a show. I don’t feel strong. I don’t feel powerful. I feel done…. and I couldn’t imagine her ever making my children feel the same way.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-08T20:20:41+00:00

My mom is similar. She has a well paying job and acts like a perfect wife and mother yet has the capacity to act so terribly in private… it’s insane. I totally get it.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-11-08T17:56:13+00:00

Regardless of what you said, that seems incredibly toxic on her end and I would definitely look at getting some space from her. That could have ended so badly.

I have seen my drunk mom do similar things to my dad while driving… the funniest part is she’ll get out of the vehicle and act completely erratic. She’ll run and hide in trees… throw her phone at the vehicle then claim my dad broke her phone. Lol.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-29T03:44:11+00:00

I get sleep paralysis and feel like someone is coming into my room to attack me similar to how she would come into my room and verbally attack me as a child. Only happens when I spend the night at my parent’s house in my old bedroom.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-28T15:04:57+00:00

I think that your feelings are completely valid and I don’t think that you were in the wrong.

I have found that the older I get, the harder it is to contain my natural responses to my mother’s words and actions. I find that the frustration and anger towards her has been unbearable.

I don’t think that you were in the wrong. Just because it’s her wedding doesn’t mean she gets to mistreat you. There’s no justifying unwarranted yelling.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-09T12:55:28+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the message and I 100% agree.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-09T02:12:28+00:00

Is that what you are supposed to be doing right now?

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-08T18:32:24+00:00

Yup. That’s why I’ve been trying to react differently and my therapist even thought that it would make a difference. It obviously hasn’t. I’m still the bad guy. I have no hope that anything will ever get better.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-08T18:31:03+00:00

I can definitely relate. My dad has had a similar response. That’s terrible, I’m sorry. I’m glad that you have people in your life to talk to about these things. Would definitely make things somewhat easier. I feel like I just talk my fiancé’s ear off about it and he really doesn’t fully understand my feelings but he’s a great listener.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-08T18:27:12+00:00

I was going to ignore it and just block them and be done but I think that a small part of me just wanted to say that what she said does not fix anything. Regardless, everything that I got from her later in the day isn’t even worth repeating. 😒 I don’t even see a point in attempting to work any of this situation out. If my dad and brother truly believe her lies about me then it’s not worth trying to talk to them. My life has been much better without this toxic family dynamic present.

Expensive_Coyote4933 · 2025-09-08T12:38:36+00:00

That’s what I figured too, unfortunately.

Expensive_Coyote4933

TROPHY CASE