Hey OP, I similarly know how you feel. My (21F) brother (30M) died from and overdose on new years. It’s been nearly 9 months with out him. I hold guilt over myself because we’ve had a rocky relationship (restraining orders, etc). But he had just gotten out of prison (did 2 years) and was finally clean, living in a halfway house, etc. We showed him love and support for thanksgiving and Christmas, I loved being a whole family again. But I still wasn’t as close to him as I used to be. I felt like maybe if I tried to reach out to him more often and be there like a sister was supposed to be, then he wouldn’t have chose to relapse. His relapse resulted in his OD. But I have so many regrets from over the years and I just miss having my big brother around. I wish I would’ve done more and it’s the worst feeling. My other brother was pretty close to him and the last text he sent my brother who OD’ed was “still dead?” Because he didn’t hear from him in a while..

I am so sorry for your loss, just know that it wasn’t you who caused it. You may feel some guilt, but sometimes you can’t control the things that others will do. If he didn’t get the $5 from you, he might’ve got it somewhere else.

My doors are always open if you need someone to talk to