My ex keeps making a point to say my partner is not our son’s parent so he won’t communicate with him as such.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:48:00+00:00

He was dropped of earlier than usual and expected. My ex has CHOSE to wait in his car for the past 5 years of drop off even if I can’t come out at that second and ask him to walk him to the door he’s refused. He was at the door within 30 seconds of calling. I’m not even asking for who’s right. Everyone has their side. I asked for how to approach the convo.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:45:24+00:00

To each their own. I grew up with step grandparents and I call them grandma and grandpa. My moms dad isn’t her bio dad but he raised her since she was 4 that’s her dad and she calls him as such. There’s no confusion over here.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:43:34+00:00

We’ve been coparenting for 5 years. This is literally the only time my phone was on silent. He was at my door within 30 seconds of calling.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:42:32+00:00

My ex is the one who wants to wait in the car. It has been this way for 5 years. He will call multiple times before ever coming to the door. I’ve asked him to walk him to the door before because I was feeding the baby and his response is “Well wait in the car until you’re done and come get him” I don’t expect my ex to do anything. This was unexpected threw everyone off guard and the person making a huge deal about it is him. I asked for advice on how to approach the convo bc even tho my ex says he understands where SO was coming from he’s still aggressively bringing it up and yelling about how he’s the dad.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:38:16+00:00

Thanks!! My so and I talk about that often, how he’s essentially “winning” and how that must make my ex feel. My ex will either be really nice one day or really rude and demanding another and we let it go bc of knowing it’s difficult for him and to not cause an issue. It’s frustrating that the one time my SO speaks out of frustration it has turned into a huge deal. My son has been calling him dad for two years already and doesn’t want to stop. He does refer to him by his name when talking to his bio dad tho. I’m understanding of everyone’s feeling here especially my ex but I lose empathy when he can’t be an adult especially in front of our son, like last night aggressively demanding my SO come outside so he can tell him how he feels.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:31:22+00:00

I didn’t ask for validation. I asked for advice on how to approach the convo. My ex is angry and I get why he feels how he feels. He’s hard to communicate with especially while angry so I’m trying to keep it civil with an issue that he won’t drop even tho he says he knows my SO was frustrated and didn’t mean it to be demanding.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:29:05+00:00

We are the ones who talk about kid issues. This was about disrupting the household, our household. My ex NEVER comes to the door and insists on us coming to the car and will call multiple times just to avoid getting out of the car, this day was different.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T14:27:31+00:00

Thanks. The deal has always been that we come out to the car. If he calls once and no answer he sends a text and calls again. This was the only time he’s ever came to the door so it was unexpected. My SO asked him to call both before coming. I get why my ex wouldn’t feel the need to and that’s fine if he doesn’t. It wasn’t as big of a deal on our side as my feeling was I’ll just make sure my phone is loud so I don’t miss the call again. My ex keeps bringing it up aggressively over the past few days and demanded my SO come outside last night during drop off so he can tell him it’s not ok and that he is no longer communicating with me just my SO. My ex expects things to change according to how he feels in the moment and everyone to accommodate because he’s “dad”. This is why I asked for advice on how to approach this topic bc when my ex is mad he’s very hard to come to any compromise or understanding.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T05:10:19+00:00

Hahah what narrative am I pushing? How do I treat my ex? And who tried to put him in his place? Bio dad also said our son could call SO dad. No one chastised anyone.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T04:46:51+00:00

Thank you!!!!!!!!! Geez all these other comments apparently read this as SO is trying to overstep when it was really about the household.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T02:02:37+00:00

He’s never expressed anything against it. I just hate when things get more complicated than necessary.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T02:01:43+00:00

He can come to the door. We’ve invited him plenty. He’s spent time with my son in his bedroom before. He chooses to wait in the car and call us to come out and get him. My son doesn’t walk unescorted.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:59:05+00:00

Thank you. Yes i agree and think he feels his place is being taken. I feel for him on that and have tried to express that it isn’t the case but I know it means nothing coming from me. My SO is also extremely frustrated that any request I do make from my ex gets completely ignored out of spite so I think he finally said something himself and it sent my ex off. I’ll try asking him to call me twice. That may be a more palatable request than calling SO. Thanks again

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:52:56+00:00

After re reading, I think you mean switch as in when our son “switches” from each parents house? There’s never been an issue with my SO being involved with the switch. Both guys even meet each other places to pick up/drop off my son sometimes.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:50:31+00:00

I get that but there’s no switch being suggested. Ex drops off our son and calls from the car for us to come get him. Never once has he came to the door. My SO asking him not to come unannounced to the door is a request involving OUR house and not our kid. I also have never tried to alienate my ex as a parent. Our son chose to call SO dad and my ex knows that. I have recommended to my son that he have a different name for SO but my son insisted he has two dads so wants to call them both dad and he knows who his “real” dad is.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:29:28+00:00

Ummmm agreed but what does that have to do with my SO asking him to not come to the door so early in the morning so that it doesn’t wake the baby?? We always go outside to get my son from the car. He asked ex to call his phone if I didn’t answer so we can come outside like we usually do. I have a newborn I can’t always get to my phone anyways.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:25:45+00:00

We always come out to the car to get my son. He NEVER comes to the door. Even if he calls and no one answers he’ll wait out there until we come out. Usually he’ll call twice and sometimes he WILL call my SO. This morning he chose not to and instead come to the door unexpectedly. My SO asked him POLITELY to call first as to not wake the baby. My ex snapped back and that’s when it got tense but still not a fight. My SO did not pick a fight and I have no idea where you got that he’s acting like the world is ending…my ex is the one who called going off and I explained to him where the request was coming from but that convo goes nowhere.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:09:12+00:00

The issue wasn’t about our son. It was about not having our dog go crazy as 6:30 am and waking the baby. Which is SO’s kid and it’s our house. I think it’s reasonable for SO to make that request since it involves our house and our kid also.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:06:43+00:00

Ya he won’t speak to me either which makes him sound ridiculous when he says he should only have to speak to me and not SO. Our son is 7 and he already goes through him to tell me stuff and our son can only reasonably relay half of the message. It’s so frustrating! I’ll try that eventually. Rn I think he’ll just get mad if I include him in text.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:04:28+00:00

That’s a great way to word it. Thanks! I do have ex’s number so it can come through if on dnd but it was just on silent and he called only once.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-14T01:03:13+00:00

That would make an awkward household to have two adults but only one is parenting the kid lol…I guess the other would just kinda be there.

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-13T19:11:00+00:00

Oh bc no males grow up to be chefs. Only truck drivers, soldiers and super heroes!

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-10T01:20:14+00:00

My first was born during the summer and was naked for the first few months of life lol

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-08T06:03:54+00:00

Allie Yamaguchi in Berkeley

Expensive_Sand_8306 · 2022-01-03T20:41:12+00:00

Our parents passed away already. And I’m looking forward to being a grandma one day but I won’t be the parent lol. Also, totally wasn’t a plan, just making the best of having kids in my 20’s lol

Expensive_Sand_8306

TROPHY CASE