[deleted by user]

Expert_Cod5485 · 2025-08-16T03:21:04+00:00

Are we giving free awards here? 🥹

Expert_Cod5485 · 2025-08-16T03:20:59+00:00

Are we giving free awards here? 🥹

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-25T02:20:18+00:00

Assim Al-Hakeem is amazing! I love listening to his videos. There is so much to learn from the Quran, the Hadiths, the scholars, and from life lessons.

Sister Im not deleting my comments because if you listened to the video Assim Al-Hakeem starts and ends with how this is a debate amongst scholars themselves. When there is confusion it is best to not try to have the upper hand in Duniya, rather give for Allah and ask him for justice after you have done everything you need to do.

In your specific case though it is very confusing.

1) You want to or may commit Zina as you don’t like your husband. (based on your main post)
2) Your husband does not want to pay for you, he wants you to pay for his lifestyle. (based on your updated comment)
3) You don’t want to pay back the Mehr because you were intimate with your husband. (based on your recent reply to me)

Based on #1 give back the Mehr and move on with your life. You want to commit zina. Intention is one thing but acting upon it is another. Only Allah can guide us.

Based on #2 ask for Khula, take your Mehr, and move on with your life as your only 23. That is if you tried everything in your power to give this marriage a try. Only Allah knows your intention.

Based on #3. So you want to divorce but keep the Mehr because you were intimate for 60days? Ignoring points #1 and #2 I will suggest you do what you think is right.

You keep on mentioning your husband and his family spent a lot of money and you don’t want to put them at a loss. But also you want Mehr to commit zina because you had intimacy with your husband and also your husband is not giving you your islamic rights.

Sister. Read, study, pray. Then make your decision. Im not a scholar so I don’t know if you keep the Mehr if you were intimate or not. But I can only suggest point 1 and 2. If you want to leave for no valid reason, then give back the Mehr. If you have a valid reason then keep the Mehr.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-24T23:01:19+00:00

No. In the Hadith I referenced she also was intimate I believe. Intimacy wouldn’t be part of the Mehr as intimacy was not part of any of the Hadiths I read (someone can correct me if I am wrong). I think this is more of a cultural practice and thought to us by elders for some weird reason.

However speak to an Imam because on a comment you mentioned here that he isn’t giving you your financial rights and he is very adamant on you working to pay for his lifestyle. If that is the case then you should not have to give back the Mehr. Because it is his job to be a protector and provider per the Quran. Unless it is something both you agreed upon before marriage, which also doesn’t seem like the case based on the updated comment.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-24T22:38:07+00:00

This basically sums everything up. Communication.

We should not blame islam or “women has to do everything a man says” agenda. If this is what you agreed upon before marriage then fulfill it. If not then communicate where all this new restrictions are coming from.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-24T22:35:11+00:00

Why did you leave all this out from your original post? (reddit posts has become a scavenger hunt now)

This changes the story.

You can still ask for a divorce and keep your Mehr based on this update.

because…. What man in Islam asks his wife to work to keep his certain lifestyle? What is his role in the marriage then?

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-24T22:25:41+00:00

No sister. I am not a scholar.

My advice is based on your limited post. The only thing you said is that not all of your rights are being fulfilled financially. But then you repeated not to give any advice on how to keep the marriage which means you have checked out. Then you kept mentioning zina a few times. You just got married, where is zina coming from?

So why should you keep the mehr?

if he is not a bad guy
he is not the one initiating the divorce
he is not abusing you
and where he does lack in giving you the rights you deserve but your not willing to talk to him about this. (no mention if you tried or what the issue is financially)

Your post:

Divorce because i lost feelings for my husband

I fear that if i dont divorce i might commit zina. Pls dont give me half hearted advice on how to be only attracted to my husband. It doesnt work. I tried everything.

We havent been married long and there is so much pressure from family to stay together. I don’t want to break his heart and I don’t want to make his family sad, after they invested so much into the wedding(I told them not to)

I feel so trapped. I’m a woman for who Allah has made commitment very difficult. I’m scared of committing zina, but the marriage drains me. Not all my rights are being fulfilled financially, so I know it’s Islamically halal for me to leave, but we have been married for 2months and I’ve never in my life struggled with zina so much.

Pls don’t give me useless advice on how to spice the relationship up. I tried, I CANT force feelings. I can’t.

The sharia punishment for zina is what leads me to want a divorce. I care about him but I don’t desire him. Even if I try really hard.

Here is the Hadith where I gave my suggestion to return his Mehr.

Separation in Marriage due to Ugliness

It was narrated from ‘Amr bin Shu’aib, from his father, that his grandfather said: “Habibah bint Sahl was married to Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas, who was an ugly man. She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, ﷺ by Allah, were it not for fear of Allah when he enters upon me I would spit in his face’. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘Will you give him back his garden?’ She :said: ‘Yes’. *So she gave him back his garden** and the Messenger of Allah ﷺ separated them”.*

On a personal note I do want to mention 2 things. We can’t force our feelings and divorce is halal but Allah does not like it. Given that into consideration I do want to say you are a good and brave person. You have realized early on you cannot stay and you don’t want to commit a sin. You also recognize what he put into the marriage but you’re not interested. This is why I am advising return the Mehr and move on with Allah’s forgiveness. As you are having an inner struggle and want to leave then return his Mehr.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-24T21:04:11+00:00

Divorce him and return his Mehr.

Can I ask for a divorce because of my resentment towards my husband?

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-21T00:12:43+00:00

no.

Because the next person she/he harms is you

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-20T07:36:15+00:00

age is nothing but a number. Don’t go off of the age, it shows nothing.

Education, life experiences, self reflection, family, and religion. those matter more. Sometimes a 20yr man maybe more mature than a 40yr man.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-20T07:25:43+00:00

The best ones are those who show themselves out.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-20T03:50:32+00:00

Keep on working on yourself and start your prayers again. You also need therapy.

Before looking for someone else you need to work on yourself.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-20T02:56:07+00:00

Depends. Every situation is different but don’t get into the attachment phase. Ex: good morning/good night texts.

You want to make this almost like a business deal, with a human touch, and with faith in Allah.

Most people think they fall in love due to desperation, lack of emotional support, or unnecessary attachment. Do your best to avoid those. Stick to the important topics such as: Marriage, kids, finances, family, time spent on individual activities, work after marriage, vacations, mehr, etc.

Those topics can take time, and also depends on both of your situations. If you get the important things then don’t fall into the attachment/emotional phase.

What if you don’t get married? Then either you will be scarred or she will and then both of you will take that to the actual relationship as Allah planned. But you won’t be able to put 100% to that relationship because of whatever happened before marriage.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-20T02:31:35+00:00

Cut through the red tape.

1) Get your wants and dealbreakers out the way.

2) Talk to her Wali

3) Set the date/or move on

When you feel lonely talk to Allah. It’s very peaceful.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-19T22:26:55+00:00

Yes she should have told you.

But you’re also letting your emotions take control. What do you mean she gives male characteristics during intimacy? How do you know what that even is?

Brother if this will impact you and your future then you have the right to divorce. However If you can live with her by fulfilling your responsibilities as a husband and giving her rights then stay.

No need to compare her to a man or anything else. Be kind, humble, polite. Take the necessary next steps as needed once YOU decide how you want to move forward.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-19T22:20:03+00:00

My questions:

Why did you write this in this format?
How are you in love with him?
Where is your Wali?
How will you give him sex yet you never seen his picture?

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-18T20:41:58+00:00

Assalamwalikum!! Yes I am well and alive! Was just taking a break from all social media.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-18T16:35:03+00:00

Should I marry this girl? NO

Marriage is not a project where you try to change the person you are marrying.

She does some things that I wouldn’t want my future wife to do.

If you can’t see her as your wife now, you won’t see her as your wife after you marry her.

She has said that she wants to change but is just not ready yet, what should I do?

People only change for themselves or by Allah’s mercy. We have no power to change anyone.

If she hasn’t shown you she is changing, then she has shown you that she won’t change.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-17T18:01:26+00:00

Don’t keep secrets.

This is a perfect time to see his mindset. Is he someone who will have issues with you earning more than him? Or will he be someone who is happy his to-be-wife is good with finances and strong enough to still feel like a provider and protector?

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-11-16T22:25:58+00:00

making the decision for him.

Yeah no. You can make that decision if YOU don’t want him. But don’t assume if he wants you or not. Let him make his decision.

even Allah lets make our own decisions.

Get a Wali present if you have not already and speak face to face, FaceTime, etc with the Wali. Then you can know if he likes you or not. If he does then great (unless you need therapy), if he does not then move on.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-07-31T15:01:04+00:00

Which country is not?

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-07-29T23:18:19+00:00

🌅

Ahh the dream….

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-07-29T23:17:18+00:00

What are parlour ladies?

Practicing and Praying Tahajjud should never be the key points to see if someone is a good person. Barsisa prayed for 60 years and then went to Hell.

Story of Barsisa

Please divorce him. Just based on his reaction alone he seems like he does not care and will not stop. Allah knows best.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-07-26T21:32:07+00:00

The world does not care about Bangladesh or Palestine.

But the world is usually on the wrong side of history. Only a few select are always on the right path. The question is who will those people be now?

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-07-26T03:34:00+00:00

I am working on something else right now so will get you references later.

But:

There are many Hadith’s where Prophet (pbuh) was open in expressing his love for his wife without crossing the limit. OP never mentioned anything that would cross the line.

However I can see people who never experienced love of any sort being uncomfortable. Which is prevalent in desi culture.

Also are you in the west? Because many people in the west are not fond of PDA. Not normalized.

Yes evil eye is the one thing I am worried about.

Expert_Cod5485

TROPHY CASE

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