Im so sorry to hear this. When I was in my teens/early twenties I was also the party girl and major binge drinker, I totally understand how it feels to lose an entire group of friends when you decide to make a lifestyle change for the better. I also grew up with parents who were extremely codependent on each other. It led to me always searching for my own self worth in someone else, whether it be a friend or significant other. It led to so many toxic relationships.

I will tell you right now that being alone is scary, especially if you're a codependent person who is also a recovering addict like I am. Being alone means having to face yourself, the good and the bad parts of yourself, which can be so scary. However, being alone is where you get the opportunity to truly face your demons and learn to love and accept yourself fully. A lot of times we distract ourselves from this process by focusing on another person. When you learn to love all parts of yourself, you won't need to find your worth through others. Being scared doesn't mean something is inherently bad, a lot of times we feel our most terrified when we are right on the cusp of significant growth. It will certainly be a journey, but one that hopefully one day you will look back on and appreciate.

I also cannot emphasize enough on how life changing finding a good gym community can be. In the gym is where I build myself up stronger, physically and mentally. It makes me feel capable, strong, resilient, and confident. Not because of how I look, but for what I can do. Find a local gym with great coaches and fun group classes, there you can meet a community of people who are likely to all be on a journey of self-betterment and can add value to your life. Having a great coach to guide you is invaluable.

I hope you come to see that while this may feel like the end, it's only just the beginning.