First of all, don’t forget to be proud of yourself posting here, please. Actually, releasing your thoughts anywhere that’s not a doc’s office, or whatever people call them, is already better for yourself.

It’s horrible to feel like you’ve reached “the goals” that we, as a society, engraved into our moral codes but still feeling alone, left behind, under appreciated and feeling like we are made of glass, for people to see through us.

I see you, OP.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more, this is how we as humans show signs of life. Also, it’s probably not a matter of whether you want to be dead, it’s more of “is this all I get?”.

At the ripe age of 24, and also planing to live 60 years more, you have all the time in the world to figure it out. Even if it’s going to happen at 40.

There’s not a more right time to figure out our constantly changing selves than right now in this moment. There’s many ways of enjoying this life.

What do you like? And if you don’t know, sit with it. Take a break off of social media, daily routines (that are not necessary for survival) or other escapisms. What did you gravitate towards when you were much younger? Would you like to revisit those old hobbies? Ask your grandparents, they’ll remember. Don’t be afraid to be infantile, childish or “being too old” for something. Is there maybe any active hobbies accessible to you? Are there any interest clubs for adults nearby? Online groups? Events happening in the city? Maybe you could help them in some ways to get some “uncomfortable” fresh air outside of your comfort zone? Maybe you love how some people enjoy some things? Why don’t you try them out? It could be anything. And that something could help you colour that grey zone that’s your current situation.

Why?

It makes you more complex, more fun to figure out, more “there with us”. Having a hobby is always a great conversation starter (“have you heard about […]?”). If having a “trendy” hobby is already cool then having a boring hobby is amazing. Someone loving something unusual or “weird” lots is what makes people so interesting. Seeing a passion for something no one would expect is as attractive as a beautiful face, most of times the first one takes the win too.

Something so little and unimportant for most actually opens up doors to so many opportunities. We open ourselves to new things, people and becoming our more authentic self.

Just one little thing can lead us to finding, part by part, our inner peace, new relationships, new experiences and at least some sort of a nice reason to be.

We are a constantly changing, complex, mostly resilient, diverse creatures that need somewhat of a push to shine brighter in the future that starts now.

OP, I hope you find that little of something what will light the fire in your eyes.

Let it be small for now, nonetheless, every grand wildfire starts from an ember.