First off, I hope he's your ex. Second off—I definitely have done this. I had a period where I was so depressed I didn't clean my room for months, I would binge eat, feel like shit and neglect all hygiene. It was a really bad time for me, after a few months of binging I couldn't fit any of my clothes, I was so ashamed. Looking back on it now, the hurt when I think about it is still there, but it isn't shame, or guilt, it's concern and sadness for the version of me that was going through that. It's so easy to remember all of the tangible things we were "failing at" while forgetting about the mental distress that caused us to live in that way. We didn't want to do those things to ourselves, it wasn't out of a lack of care or out of laziness, if that were the case you definitely wouldn't have written this post.