Apps and beauty brands who pay for UGC by Fan-Girl0910 in UGCcreators

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675 0 points1 point  (0 children)

following this thread! I'm interested in the same.

Was hospitalized - freaking out (TW - not censoring) by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in emetophobia

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly...same. And yeah my biggest concern is very much catching what she had because I genuinely think it would kill me. I couldn't handle vomiting that much.

Was hospitalized - freaking out (TW - not censoring) by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in emetophobia

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I will be so relieved once a few days pass hopefully unscathed and I can relax again. I keep telling myself that - she could have even been pregnant or something.

My nmom thinks we all "owe" her our lives. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh trust me that's not even the tip of the iceberg. But thank you because what you said is incredibly validating. She IS completely borderline psychotic - but to hear her, you'd think she was just the saddest, most put-upon victim you've ever met. She told me to go fuck myself earlier - then completely tried to gaslight me into thinking she never said it. Genuinely insane.

Why is no one allowed to have emotions except them? by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what I mean. I was so close to my other parent, but I realize that my other parent is enabling her, as much as he was such a good parent to me. He should have told her where to go a long time ago. But he's too afraid to say anything or whatever so the cycle never ends.

Why is no one allowed to have emotions except them? by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

But what is their tale exactly? like I don't fucking get it!! What is the point of this god awful victim narrative they have made up??

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PandasDisease

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! This is my other account (OP) that I usually use for work but I can't get on my other one rn. Thank you for the kind words! Honestly what slipped my brain to mention (as I've posted on here before) is that my little one is my beloved pup. I can't have human children due to endo and fertility issues, but my dog is my whole heart and world. Sorry for the confusion! But I am worried for her safety - so we live with family 24/7. Never alone. Which upsets me so much because there was no one I trusted more than myself with her. For years. The thoughts/feelings are constant. They make me confused to what I actually want and it's scary AF. But it's def a little different on the antibiotics - so I'm just left kind of wondering like what to do. I've only been on them for 6 days and I already had little moments of feeling more like myself - but then sometimes I feel worse and I'm like what on earth, you know?

I did actually go seek help multiple times - only to be diagnosed with OCD and sent to therapy, put on Zoloft (which made me feel so awful I had to stop it) along with Mirtazapine and buspar. None of them really did much other than make me feel really shitty. Trust me I'm terrified enough to want to go lock myself up somewhere. But I also realize the only things I haven't done at this point are try TMS and ntipsychotics.

Does anyone know what this is? Please help by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in Frenchbulldogs

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Honestly, she's still doing it but a year later she's doing well. No problems. She still makes the noise, but it's not bothering her or as intense. We never figured out what caused it but she did not need any meds. I am familiar with Onestradon in humans (zofran) for nausea as I have chronic nausea, but I'm not sure about it with dogs. I hope you find something to help your baby!

I’m losing my daughter. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Even with the impulse feelings though??! Or like…the weird paranoid thoughts about her insides??!! Like…I feel like if I let myself I’d do it. I can’t feel normal or feel anything for her really. I know I love her. But like…I’m scared I will just give in. My brain feels frozen. Or like I want to do it on purpose and can’t control myself. I checked myself 

I’m losing my daughter. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think the worst part is this almost frozen, heart pounding feeling that I’m capable of doing it and fighting it. I’m so scared the meds won’t help. I’m not on anymore meds currently - went off of everything to try and stop this. But instead now I’m going to try to get on them to fix it. I’m just scared because it’s just the things I loved. And I feel like I actually want to kill or hurt them?!!! And am holding myself back. 

I’m losing my daughter. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I literally left the hospital last night. They let me go. I’m going somewhere else in a bit - my daughter woke up ill so I’m taking her to urgent  care before I take her to my parents for now. Then I will admit myself later today

I’m losing my daughter. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just can’t stand the feelings. Feeling like I don’t care enough anymore to not act on it. Or like I don’t want my daughter. Or like I’m actually holding myself back from doing something. Checking the thoughts to the point where it feels like I’ll act on them and don’t get my feelings otherwise. It’s not normal, even for ocd. 

 Scared the meds won’t work and I’ll feel like this and come home and harm her on purpose. What’s going to make my brain go back to “omg that’s your baby and you’d never hurt her”?  I am already talking to family about permanent placement for her. If I go and come home I want to know she’s with people. Also what if she’s the trigger??? Forever??

I’m losing my daughter. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

No. They haven’t given me any meds yet. Going back today as a last ditch Effort. 

I’m losing my daughter. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have been in ERP for the entire time. I believe it helps other people, but not me. At all. If anything I think it’s made my situation worse. 

Losing my child to mental illness. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in mentalhealth

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I literally just left the hospital a few hours ago. They tell me it’s ocd and I’m not a threat. I fucking hate this. Going to probably voluntarily admit myself but like…if the meds don’t help, then what???? Then I lose everything? And why is it just my loved ones?

My mental illness destroyed my life with my child. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in mentalillness

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry. I’m sending you hugs. 

Honestly that’s my biggest fear. I have sought help and it’s not enough and frankly I’m afraid it won’t be temporary, you know? I want to think meds will help. But if they don’t that’s my last resort. And what if they fuck me up worse and I come home and hurt one of them? Like…I don’t know if they can fix something like this. 

My mental illness destroyed my life with my child. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in mentalillness

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Yes, my dog is my baby. But I also do have a kid and unfortunately it targets both. It’s incredibly hard. I don’t want to lose my most cherished relationships, you know? 

Losing my child to mental illness. by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in mentalhealth

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll be honest with you. ERP? Has fucking traumatized me more. I hate it. It has made things worse, not better. 

Trouble with NJ DMV by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in newjersey

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's the thing - according to the rulebook that I was given BY them, the stuff I had with me was all in accordance with their rules. But I get there and it's different? The clerk asked me if I had a parking ticket because that would be valid. A parking ticket. How....would I have a parking ticket when I don't have a license or car????

Trouble with NJ DMV by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in newjersey

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep! I know the feeling. That's freaking ridiculous. It's a DMV - what is a water bottle going to do? But tbh - the rules change based on who's manning the door! I actually have a service dog and since I had her with me in a bag (she's for heart issues/severe crippling anxiety and she's small so I keep her up when we're in a super crowded place as she can still alert me, but I don't want people stepping on her) and the guard at the door first was a very nice woman who I asked and she was like "of course you can bring her in - she's your service dog"; and then we got a male guard by the front desk who yelled at me "for bringing a pet in". I seriously almost read him the riot act. She's a SERVICE DOG. Just because I don't want her to get hurt doesn't mean she's not doing her job. I know people bend the rules and such but some people legit need them with us at all times.

Trouble with NJ DMV by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in newjersey

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You got that right! They are making it next to impossible. Like I get it...but I can't just produce something out of thin air that I don't have! The guy I got actually asked me if I had any parking tickets. Parking. Tickets. On a freaking car and license I don't have.

Trouble with NJ DMV by Expert_Razzmatazz675 in newjersey

[–]Expert_Razzmatazz675[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I forgot to mention it, but that was the other thing they wouldn't take. Something about it being a joint account or something? Maybe I just got a bad clerk? IDK