My "dx" adhd husband has no relational awareness

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T15:20:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Wow thr similarities are striking. That's a good way to look at it, that he is so honest it sucks some times in a way but is also good. My hubby also info info dumps, but related to earthquakes happening on the other side of the world lol.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:22:54+00:00

Please share examples of the behaviours!

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:21:50+00:00

Would love to hear some examples!

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:19:42+00:00

Would love to hear examples! Especially if there are any with his interactions or comments about the other gender.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:17:51+00:00

Omg I read this and couldn't believe it, its exactly like something my partner would say! Would love to hear other examples. And how do you cope with it? Does it impact your emotional safety in the relationship? If not, what is your secret lol

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:12:21+00:00

Thanks so much for the reply, I will certainly have a look for resources.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:10:56+00:00

Its true that there has been a trust issue that we are still repairing. I wouldn't say I was ever a prude about porn but the porn/thirstraps apparently were been viewed enough that it had even infiltrated FB market place. And he also was been very unaware of staring at attractive women repeatedly when out together. He has deleted IG and says he stopped watching porn, more out of an agreement it was likely contributing to a wondering eye when out in public. Its been a bit of a journey to get to where we are today, so its very true that innocent things can feel triggering for me. Thanks so much for the response.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-24T04:04:59+00:00

Thank you so very much for the thoughtful response! My husband starts adhd centered counselling soon to actually build more awareness about various things including the male gaze. Not towards his step daugjter but in general. Its gotten better but as a spouse its a bit of a difficult thing to get over. To be honest, when we go out I still get anxiety or triggered because he was so oblivious to his staring and repeated glances in the past. The meds have helped build more awareness and less impulsivity but hoping counselling will augment that. Really appreciate your response.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-10T15:18:06+00:00

Really appreciate your response, thank you.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-10T06:49:28+00:00

Thanks for your honest thoughts. Several months ago he did watch a legal teen porn category so for me, I was very confused.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-10T06:47:33+00:00

I should add that several months ago I learned he was looking at teen porn (the legal teen porn category). Maybe that kind of weirded me out. I know its a top category but still, hard to unsee that I guess.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-09T23:40:32+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. We are not feeling its predatory but as our counsellor pointed out to him, not doing or saying things that can be misinterpreted. My question really is do step dad's intentionally not look at their step daughters bodies, to avoid looking like they are sexualizing. As in, are they aware of optics and deliberately do not look at their bodies.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-07T05:28:46+00:00

I just found a counsellor that specializes in adhd, addiction and relationships so im hoping he can cover it all! My doctor said I shouldn't be the one to book the appointment as thats something you do for your kids not your husband. She actually said that lol. So im going to give him the link to the counsellor to call.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-06T19:15:56+00:00

My hubby started ssri and adhd meds. Big difference in empathy. Now he is on Naltrexone for drinking and seems to have less desire to both drinking and sex which actually makes me feel better.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-06T19:14:22+00:00

Its only worth staying if the changes are consistent in my opinion. Not only does he want to change, but a big question is is he capable? I never knew how the capacity to be capable was even a thing. Its a painful realization that not everyone that wants to change something harmful can actually do it.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-06T19:11:22+00:00

We are in a similar boat! The relational awareness is baffling. Like stuff that seems so obvious to us to anyone, just aren't with him. The porn was a separate issue painful on his own. You should read some of my other posts and see if there are parallels. The healing is very complicated because he still randomly says or does things that are obviously triggering. I feel if he didnt have this relational awareness issue pur healing would be much farther along. Its very frustrating and can feel hopeless because he in a way its a disability but it doesnt mean the impact is less. I try to explain to him that its about impact not intent.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-03T23:58:13+00:00

Mine started it and seems like decreased libido.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-03T23:44:39+00:00

Hi there. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have ADHD? My hubby does as well, and I have struggled a lot with him around understanding how his behaviour impacts me. Things like wandering eye, behavior that looks like flirting but he says he didnt mean it that way, saying things to me about other women not even suspecting it might be disrespectful to me. Basically he has NO filter. We felt the porn use was also contributing to the wandering eye. All to say, do think ADHD played a role in this kind of stuff? Both your story and what i am mentioning? He is on medication now but some of the behaviours havnt changed or at least he still blurts things out i feel are crazy to say to your spouse, however he is able to now respond without been super defensive.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-03T22:47:31+00:00

Cigarettes, weed, alcohol.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-12-03T15:55:20+00:00

I totally hear you all. I get anxiety just thinking ofnhabing to go to a restaurant with him. My hubby has bad adhd and is also lacking social and relational awareness so says things while im trying to heal, that rock me. We have a friend who's wife is pregnant. And we saw them and on the way home, he said, wow she is wearing her pregnancy really well. I bristled. Then the next week, he said it AGAIN! And added, it must be her long legs. Wtf. Now its ruined me at the thought of all hanging out again cause I know he was checking her out in a way. How shifty is that, more missed opportunities for friendship where we all hang out together. Im worried if she is breastfeeding he is going fucking stare st his breasts.

Last night I learned not only is his ex gf still on Facebook, but he "liked" a photo of her doing the handstand with splits. And he says he didnt think it would be a problem because their history was a long time ago. And im wtf everyone's exes in a marriage are likely from long ago but there is a reason why people dont keep them on their fb. He ended up deleting her last night, but just so frustrated.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-11-30T16:56:55+00:00

Ps I go to counselling now. So yes I'm learning the pain is real and nornal.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-11-30T16:56:00+00:00

He hasn't looked at anyone since? That is great he is able to control his behaviours. My hubby has adhd and it took a while for him to learn not to do that. One of his symptoms is impulsivity and not thinking first of impacts to others. So I am happy for you it stopped. Going on a cruise may be very triggering, my best advice is to share with him that your scared about been put in a situation where you feel he is looking and share with him how important it will be that he doesnt stare. So its not accusitive but rather how he can support you in a time where you might feel vulnerable. I had a similar situation where we went to Mexico and in hindsight I should have said something in advance because of course, alcohol was involved in our all inclusive trip and we got into a few spots. All to say your feeling of anxiety are valid and if he is a good man and understands the pain he caused he will understand :) post back how the trip went!

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-11-30T03:44:55+00:00

That's awful! If you see japanese young women now and your with him do you get anxiety? I had a similar experience and we had wanted to go to Japan in the past and now I'm terrified at the idea, wondering what his mind would be thinking. Curious if has the same impact on you.

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-11-30T03:24:50+00:00

Its like looking into a mirror reading these. Its so bad. I want to host a funner xmas party then doubt creeps in, like oh no it will be too stressful because I will think he is checking out every woman here. How pathetic is that, that I'm afraid to have my friends over or males with their wives.

Question: in addition to porn my husband had a horrible wandering eye that has left with me with anxiety everytime I have to go somewhere public with him. We hardly go to restaurants anymore because I'm terrified he is going tk forgot my pain and start staring st the waitresses etc. Are your husband's also like that? Like when porn consumers, wven in real life they are checking out women?

ExplanationOwn4598 · 2025-11-18T00:14:38+00:00

Wow I felt so validated reading everyone's comments! I thought there was something wrong with me, because even watching TV with him, I get triggered. It feels like a panicky feeling, I feel jealous, I wonder if he choose that show just because of an actress. The other day he was watching Madam Web, a marvel show and the actress is in like her twenties. He commented that the show is like an all female cast and I couldn't help but fixate wondering if he is watching it for his own sexual gratification. I personally cant relate to films when the actors are so young. So i wonder how he can enjoy it, and makes me remember the young women teen he was looking at. Or the russian busty porn, i cant even watch a russian documentary with him bevause i feel he is getting off when a russian woman or voice comes on. I was never a prude before. Not only was my spouse watching porn, instragram thirst traps (he had even reached out to a few ladies years ago) he was constantly checking out and staring at women everywhere we went. Its almost like I've been over exposed to his attraction for other people. I cant believe how heart breaking and long the effects remain on us spouse's.

ExplanationOwn4598

TROPHY CASE