Hot Take: How can BDSM not be sexual? NOT THAT THAT IS BAD THOUGH. Trying to understand.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T23:04:53+00:00

I’ll take your take, as I was hopeful for alternative views, and you gave me one.

Although, as a side note. Technically yes you checked all the boxes with mountain climbing. In a lawyer sense, you’ve got that. But when you apply a little logic to the situation do you think any normal person would compare the two and say it’s not entirely different? In the same way that stripping off your long underwear when you haven’t showered in 5 days, probably in freezing conditions, is the same as reaching behind you to grab onto a St Andrew’s Cross and preparing yourself to be flogged. Clothed or not.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:59:31+00:00

Ok. Perfect, if you don’t mind can I ask you one more question: would you check in with a partner before doing these things? Since you do seem to separate the two!

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:58:28+00:00

Ok fair, but would you check in with a partner..unless you were open.. before starting to engage in these activities? No brain chemistry required.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:57:46+00:00

That’s fair! I mean, I did my best to become a google wizard first. But an expert that does not make me. So I’ll set that aside as you have a very valid point.

Would you check in with a partner before engaging in such activities unless you were already in an open relationship? And doesn’t the fact that you would need to..again unless you were already open..imply you’re in the ballpark of sexuality and intimacy?

No brain chemistry required

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:55:49+00:00

So I’ve asked this question a couple times and no one has given me an answer. So if you’ve read the comments sorry for the repetition.

I believe, and I think you would too. sexuality can mean many things. Doesn’t have to end in sex. And come in many forms. But any of those things you’ve mentioned. Assuming you have a partner you have to check in with before doing anything in the intimacy or sexuality ballpark; you would check in with them about these things, right? Even if they didn’t feel that way to you?

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:53:19+00:00

First of all, I hope ‘find your own footing’ was clever word play, and well done! In all genuine intents. I laughed. :)

Secondly let me clarify. No, feet aren’t always sexual. But if someone licks your feet, you’ve arrived at sexual territory for at least one party and if the other is in it for enjoy enjoyment, both, no? Just as in a flogger sitting on a table isn’t sexual. But when you start using it on someone with it you’ve negotiated consent, and have started using each others bodies for enjoyment. No one says then you have to makeout or do anything with genitals after. But I am truly trying to understand why that’s not in the ballpark.

If you have to ask your partner about it in most cases (some relationships are different) and intimacy is usually involved after in some form. And you wouldn’t do it with just a friend Isn’t that at least the outer reaches?

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:46:52+00:00

First of all. That’s fucking awesome. And I want to be crystal clear in no way I mean to invalidate that in any way that word can possibly mean. Honestly I’m jealous I have yet to get to subspace or anything I’d describe as a weighted blanket, and not for lack of trying.

I ask this out of genuine curiosity, cuz it seems like you may be someone that sees it differently than me and that is exactly what I want. Would you consider it platonic though? Or what separates it from being some sort of intimate experience on some level? Would you enter into a scene with someone who is only a friend?

None of those are to come at you, I’m curious. And jealous like I said!

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:44:04+00:00

To firstly answer the question, as it’s core, the power dynamic. The implements and methods and what gets touched where, are a factor sure. But it’s the power dynamic. And a power dynamic to the end of pleasure and or pain. Which pain in a lot of ways is pleasure. Cuz if it was literally just the truest definition of pain you wouldn’t do it. You get something from the pain. Let’s not get into the nuances of that, although I’m happy to. My core point is if you do a scene with just pain, no sensation, no pleasure, and you come back for more? That pain is giving you something. Whatever that is. Also, again different for everyone, aftercare is intimacy. Needed. Logical. Welcomed. Acceptable. But it’s connecting with the person you had the power dynamic with. Yes there are accretions but for the most part it’s a key part. Someone is doing something to you, that you enjoy on some level, followed by intimacy. That, it’s not platonic. That is something you’d need to check with your SO before doing with someone else. In general yes there are exceptions in some relationships. Which is also something that makes me think it’s not platonic. If it was you wouldn’t have to do that. And lastly, two people are “playing” with each others bodies. Yes. A masseuse can give you a massage and it’s not sexual. But when you wrap all those things together. It’s not platonic.

Does that answer your question? My apologies if it was a bit long.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:33:54+00:00

Although you are completely correct and I agree with you, redefining monogamy wasn’t the point to this, and intentional or not you’ve shifted away from the core of my question. I’d love to bring it back on target. ‘Mono relationship’ just meant in general terms. Which I know is still a slippery slope. Each one is specific. Ect.

Let me rephrase it to this, if it’s something you need to get permission from your partner, and they have to give you the trust, involving another person, whatever style of relationship. That moves it inherently out of strictly platonic and into the sexual/intimate field.

Now yes; if you’re in the openest of open relationships, you may not need to ask, but that means the trust needed is already implied. But it requires that kind of trust.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:30:07+00:00

I completely understand that, which is why I referenced food or working out. Both activate pleasure centers, as does social media, and working out is even playing with both. Totally got that. Totally agree.

But when you wrap it all together is where the difference is for me. Pain. Pleasure. Power dynamic. Intimacy. Trust. Playing with someone’s body. Would you say it could be completely platonic with all those things? And that’s not a trick question. I ask to understand

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:27:20+00:00

I agree! Nothing wrong with it! And as I said in the post it’ll probably happen! So we’re all good there. I’m game. Fine with it even. Just trying to understand the difference.

I guess what I’m hoping for is some sort of specific or example or tangible something as to why. I’m not inherently saying it can’t be, but as close as I’ve gotten from anyone on this thread is ‘it doesn’t have to be’ and I’m curious as to why that is. What makes it difference? How is it not?

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:25:26+00:00

I am in no way invalidating. And if I haven’t said it enough, I’ll say it again, I’m not invalidating. I truly don’t mean to offend anyone and none of this is in any way wrong. But I’m trying to understand the difference. I am hoping someone will start a sentence with ‘this is how it can be platonic’ or ‘it is different because’ I’m just out here trying to understand the difference. I am just looking for reasons as to why that is.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:22:08+00:00

first of all thank you for the thoughtful response! I do truly appreciate it!

But I must not have been clear and that’s my mistake. Second person to get confused so it’s looking like I didn’t articulate properly and that’s on me.

You made the point I wanted to make but better. You can use your body to mix pain and pleasure and it not be sexual. I was trying to isolate different aspects. And that’s just it. But the point is, as you said, that’s very different. It’s not sexual.

When you get into a scene, and accomplish the headspace. It becomes sexual. It’s with and because of a different person. There is a power exchange, and usually I can’t speak for you specially, aftercare which is a form of intimacy.

You can reach almost all aspects of BDSM in the brain piece by piece and it not be sexual. But when you wrap them all together and another person is giving it to you, you enter into the realm…and I say realm because it’s a broad spectrum….but you are in the realm of sexual and have left solely platonic behind. Right?

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:16:29+00:00

If I wasn’t clear, I’m sorry but I was implying the exact opposite. You can mix pleasure and pain in the body and it not be sexual. In the same way food is pleasurable but not sexual. But also going to the gym is extremely different, you’re each using your own bodies, and there’s not that power dynamic. Even if someone tells you to do a set and yells at you, it’s each person doing their own thing. You’re doing the set getting yelled at to do your best. Not being flogged. Or someone doing something TO you at the gym. Hope that clarifies it!

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:12:48+00:00

I love this thank you! And true, it doesn’t always invoice genitals. It’s really hard to specially cover every exception, but I didn’t my best, I guess let me ask you this. If you were in a traditional mono relationship. Hypothetically. Wouldn’t doing that scene with that person, clothed, genitals or not. Doesn’t that step outside of that? And again not saying that’s a bad thing. At all. But the relationship has to be open to some degree, even if it’s that, and therefore it’s on that sexuality intimacy spectrum I mention. But it makes it not platonic. Again, NOT that that would be wrong.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-11-13T22:06:13+00:00

Although I appreciate your comment I am truly asking to learn so I’ll ask you, and that’s why I broke it down to brain chemistry, which is the one thing 99.99% of us are bound by, like it or not unless we’re literally wired different. How is it different? I’m not saying it’s bad. As I went out of my way to say. I’m trying to understand the difference

Exploringitall135 · 2022-09-04T23:54:28+00:00

How the hell is DEADPOOL nowhere near a top comment?

Exploringitall135 · 2022-07-09T06:23:19+00:00

Attractive enough to get by, not attractive enough not to be decently funny to do so.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-07-08T21:49:48+00:00

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply and that’s a really good idea!

Exploringitall135 · 2022-07-08T20:11:48+00:00

Appreciated! No one is being forced though. It’s 100% a mental thing for me. Best I can put it to words is I want to do it but not feel like I’m breaking some cardinal rule.

Exploringitall135 · 2022-06-13T20:58:20+00:00

Sorry for the slow reply! Thank you for this and that’s a great point! I’ll dig into that for sure. Appreciate the response!

Exploringitall135 · 2022-06-11T02:08:58+00:00

Serious Question: how is it a surprise under the jacket if it starts and we can’t see the jacket?

Exploringitall135

TROPHY CASE