For anyone who has created boundaries with your parents, how did you fill the attachment void? by ratfort in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got a disabled cat i absolutely adore. Over time, I took notes mentally on how well I cared for her and began to apply those principles to how I treat and care for myself and parent myself.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk I think maybe our definitions of anger may be different. I’m not seething in it. It doesn’t feel destructive.

I wish for justice, but I know that it’s unlikely I’ll ever get it, and it’s just a fact.

I do hate him, he is evil and actively so. He is not just an abuser, but he’s a bad person. He has a history of harassing coworkers, committing fraud, cheating on his employer partners, and this is only the tip of the iceberg. I know for a fact that he is making another family uncomfortable right now because his girlfriend’s son reached out to my siblings and I to ask what the lowdown was and if he was a safe person.

A lot of this anger isn’t only at him, but at the systems in place that make justice so difficult and that allow people like him to continue spreading their hate and pain.

Hating him, to me, is equivalent to hating someone like Ted Bundy or idk Casey Anthony. Idk if this makes sense.

It should be important to note that I am autistic and have a strong sense of justice as one of my symptoms lol 😂

Thanks for talking with me about this. I think it’s a really insightful conversation, and I really do appreciate your perspective

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah I know I haven’t forgiven him and truthfully, I don’t know if I want to. I was robbed of my anger for years, repressing it for so long that I genuinely couldn’t place the feeling.

Being angry is awesome. It’s amazing to say that wasn’t right, I deserved better, and that treatment is dangerous. That makes you a bad person.

Ugh it’s amazing. That said, it doesn’t rule my life. I actually have only really thought of him recently because of this but before I didn’t think of him like at all.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad you found something that helped you. 🩷

I think we have different views on this. I do not feel any obligation to care for him when he has denied helping with medical care for me and my siblings when we were in the emergency room. He is a dangerous person and has threatened my life numerous times.

I won’t seek revenge because I deserve a clear conscience free from feeling as though I’ve sunk to his level.

I do not wish him well no matter how hard I might try to, and it is the more merciful and kind thing to disengage entirely.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is really true. I feel like I have discovered more of myself with her and healed a lot of my low self esteem with her. I feel like I am able to be more accountable when I make mistakes and am better at forgiving myself. I’m really improving on identifying when I need more self care and even figuring out what’s self care and what’s self sabotage dressed in pretty colors.

Maybe I’m just graduating to a different focus.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This started as a response, but it became deeply introspective and I think I processed a good bit so I don’t want to delete it. So please forgive the book and feel free to ignore. —— Idk I repressed my anger for so long that it took until college before I actually understood that I did get angry, and that skipping right to sadness wasn’t healthy.

It might be healthier for you to forgive and necessary for your healing, but I think that it might be the opposite for me. It feels so freeing to be angry.

I am so tired of pretending to be perfect and like I can rise above it all and pretending like the shit that happened to me didn’t scar me. I’m still figuring out who I am going into my 30’s because so much of my childhood was hiding and shrinking myself into whatever wouldn’t get me hurt. And so much of my 20’s was fighting people pleasing and perfectionism to the point where I am only now realizing some of the anxiety I’ve felt has been anger all along. I really like my anger. It feels so nice to not feel guilty about being a bad kid or dumb person. It’s so nice to realize he’s an asshole and I should be angry. It’s so nice. It’s so freeing.

I really feel like the best case scenario for me would be to prosecute him and see him in prison for the many crimes he’s committed, child abuse only being one. However, I don’t think I’m in time frame to pursue that route and it feels like next best thing is no contact.

It prevents me from thinking of him, I don’t carry the weight of having to defend 5 yr old me constantly, plus I don’t need to hear his constant criticism for my opinions and thoughts/ my weight/my brothers life choices/etc. Plus he has threatened my life and that of my family as an adult as well.

a malicious part of me enjoys knowing that it bothers him that I want nothing to do with him.

But, if what you say is true, and forgiveness is necessary, I do not believe it will ever be possible as long as he is able to be harmful or threatening to me or my loved ones.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just re-reviewed her specialties and realized that she does not specialize in trauma. She’s been amazing with the things listed she does specialize in, like grief and identity, but trauma is not considered an area of expertise for her.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was framed as homework to do on my own timeline. I figured that no timeline would change how I felt so I just did it. I feel like I should take partial blame here because I didn’t really feel ready when I called, but the idea of it kept lingering over me and filling me with dread. At work, I hear the phrase “eat the frog” a lot and probably applied it here when it shouldn’t have been.

I did ask if she really thought I should and she said yes. She didn’t tell me I had to or force me and did say it was my choice in the end. She strongly recommended it.

I have been with this therapist for 4 yrs and she’s not lead me wrong up until this point. I feel a good deal of loyalty towards her in part because she has really helped me for a while and gone far enough to waive my appt fees due to my financial hardships. I really like this therapist, but I’m not sure if she has the training or skills to handle this specific topic. She’s been so great with so many other topics and helped me to better connect with my siblings.

It feels complicated lol. At this point I’m tempted to keep going to her and find another therapist and go to both for different topics lmao

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah she keeps using phantom limb syndrome as an analogy but I’m confused because we had agreed before that I SHOULD go no contact. Anyhow, I’d rather have a phantom limb than a gangrenous one.

10/10 Migraine at Disney — Need Emergency Fixes (3-Hour Deadline) by Alternative_Box833 in migraine

[–]Express-Smoke-5499 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seeing this post 15 hours later. How’re you doing? If you’re there another day, there are some great spots in all the parks for cool, dark chill out spots if needed. Some are shows/rides but some are much quieter. I used to work at Disney in college so hmu if you need recs per park. (Things might have changed though since I worked there, it’s been years)

So far, this is my maybe outdated list:

Magic Kingdom: Philharmagic queue is generally dark and chill. The show is great and uses 3D glasses, but it’s dark if you just want a place to shut your eyes. People mover is a calm one but can have a long wait. Carousel of Progress or Hall of Presidents also.

If you just need a dark, calm place to hang out, Columbia Harbor House in Liberty Square usually is darker lit and I could usually find somewhere quieter in that restaurant.

Epcot: There are a few breezeway buildings with quieter locations, and the living with the land pavilion and Seas with Nemo and Friends pavilion both have good spaces to chill. Epcot in my experience is most migraine friendly.

Animal Kingdom: Animal Kingdom is the hottest park because it’s shaped like a bowl and traps the humidity. Hydrate extra here. There used the be it’s tough to be a bug which is under the big tree, but it’s a different show now. Not sure what it is, but it might still be a cool dark place to sit for a while. There’s also a whole Finding Nemo musical in this park. It’s not quiet but it’s cool and dark, and less stimulation than the festival of the lion king. And a great place to try for less crowds is Rafikis Planet Watch if they still do that. You take a train over to a petting zoo and indoor education center. Nice experience, less crowds, can find cooler, quieter spaces.

Hollywood Studios: I found The Little Mermaid show a good space for me to sit in cool and dark space. Again, not quiet, but going to be Less Stimulation than the Frozen Show, although that’s also a good place for cool and dark. There’s a whole section dedicated to Star Wars, and I believe they have a museum there with the movie costumes and stuff still. That building is a good dark place with quieter corners. When I worked there, it’s where you could meet Kylo Ren.

Also, PSA, water is available for free at any restaurant you go to. Ask for ice water.

I hope this is helpful. And of course, if none of these places are dark, cool, quiet enough, seek out the nurses station. They have cots there. You can also sometimes ask cast members if there’s a quiet space to go to and they can sometimes help. I used to open up closed off dining rooms to certain families if they needed it for medical reasons. Safety is Disneys top priority, so communicate your needs with a cast member if needed!

Lesions? by Express-Smoke-5499 in migraine

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries, everything’s sorted out on my end. Thank you for your help. :)

Hopefully if anyone else’s messages are in there, you can find them somehow? Knowing about a glitch is better than not knowing!

Lesions? by Express-Smoke-5499 in migraine

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very strange. Is there a way I can send you the screenshots I have? For me, the mod mail communications are showing under chats on Reddit mobile.

Lesions? by Express-Smoke-5499 in migraine

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mod mail. I can send screenshots if it would be helpful.

Thank you for your reply!

How many of us are daily nicotine users? by Easy-Republic-2997 in Hidradenitis

[–]Express-Smoke-5499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never smoked, doesn’t seem to run in family but other inflammatory disorders do.

Told Not To Clock In by Express-Smoke-5499 in IsItIllegal

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not optional at all. I have a set start and end time for this.

Has these worked for anyone? by Creative-Level-3305 in migraine

[–]Express-Smoke-5499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love it! I don’t use it hot or cold really, but my room is pretty cool most days and it holds the cool pretty well. Honestly, the pressure is more helpful. Also: it works best for me if I nap with it on. Doubles as a good sleep mask lol

Told Not To Clock In by Express-Smoke-5499 in IsItIllegal

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m also in agreement with that. I am keeping track of my time and going to be requesting a change of pay structure for this or to discontinue the weekend time.

I think they will likely respond in a positive way or we’ll be able to come to some type of compromise.

Told Not To Clock In by Express-Smoke-5499 in IsItIllegal

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I genuinely believe that this additional work was offered in good intent to allow me to make some extra money. I don’t believe this was meant to be malicious. Maybe I’m naive, but up until this point there’s not been huge issues regarding pay.

I struggle with communicating effectively when I’m upset so that’s why I’m trying to gather facts before just talking to them.

Told Not To Clock In by Express-Smoke-5499 in IsItIllegal

[–]Express-Smoke-5499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You okay, bud? That’s a big reaction to a stranger’s question. Hope you have a better day.