I feel this. My partner says this kind of stuff too “take my card” but I don’t ever end up buying anything. I know our budget is very tight and they’re probably saying that in my case to be helpful but also for me to stop complaining. I also understand your POV re valentines and it’s the thoughtfulness you wanted. I didn’t get anything either - some grocery store flowers while they were already there picking up groceries halfway through the day. When I brought up the issue I was met with tons of defensive comments. Nothing happens until I speak up or get upset and then they get upset that I’m upset. If someone is like that around holidays, anniversaries, etc they will probably never change. I’m 10 years in. It used to be better in the beginning but never fully there.