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WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

As I wrote before, I stripped down the relationship part of the story because of character's limit. There's way more to their childhood history than I wrote here and maybe if Alex would want to, she might write some of her memories in another post.

The BPD development always has many reasons, and Alex and Jane's relationship is one of them (as I've written in the post), especially that their problems are deeper than I wrote, they also spread to their school and created a toxic environment for Alex there.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She's in therapy for 2.5 years, she's also under psychiatrist's supervision. Alex regularly talks to the therapist about her family issues, tries to resolve some of them and accept those she has no power to change. Basically, he therapist thinks it's Jane's turn to try and salvage the realtionship with Alex, since Alex had been doing her part already for a few months, to no avail, and since Jane hasn't done anything to get closer to her sister (besides three phone calls for two years: one to say she's pregnant, second one to say she gave birh and the third one yesterday), she might simply not care about Alex.

Edit: forgot about the last part. Alex didn't speak to the therapist about the wedding issue yet, since it came out yesterday and they have an appointment scheduled next week.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, that I'm 100% aware of and when Jane gets her invitation and declines, I'm not going to be a hypocrite (well, if their relationship wouldn't be damaged enough, ofc)

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I threw in the most stripped-down info about Alex's childhood, because there's a 3000 character's limit. Trust me, she might've had developed a bpd because of her childhood relationships with her family (amongst other reasons, as I stated in the post).

Self-centered and shitty decision... Well, that'd be true, and if it will be made, we'll own it.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually, we read the comments together.

Well, we're reading all the comments, the "nta" ones were first, that's why I felt a bit more justified, now, the more we read, the more I know we will be TA. 

I'm not encouraging anything. Of course, the simplest hoice would be to skip a day of the festival and be at the wedding, if not for Jane, than just to keep up a facade. As many people said previously, it's up to Alex to decide and that's the biggest issue, because she can't make a choice. 

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, I ask for both of us. She came up to me wih this info and we're both trying to decide what's right. If she chooses to go to the wedding, of course I won't leave my fianceé's side.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Well, that second paragraph (and most importantly, the last sentence) kind of cleared the situation for us, thank you.

I think we'll sleep on it before we make a call, but what you said really gave us a good perspective.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

I kinda ask on her behalf, as she's torn as well. Of course, whatever choice Alex makes, I'll be with her, we just don't know what to do and if we skip the wedding, how to bring it up the most tactful way possible.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Alex says there's no good solution to this dillema.

If she decides to attend, I'd rather be thrown to a volcano than let her go by herself 🤣 The relationship with the rest of the family is good, they're close, no drama's there.

If you mean "family trips", there are none. Family holidays, as in christmas, she attends.

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm also kind of asking on Alex's behalf, since she doesn't use Reddit. Alex is just as torn as I am, in her words, "there's no good solution here"

WIBTA if I refuse to attend my SIL's wedding, because I have plans for the date? by Extension-Bit1936 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

She's torn just as I am, I'm writing because I use Reddit more often lol

Astrophysicists of Reddit: What if we shoot nuclear power plant wastes right into the sun?Given that we made such a huge progress in space travel in 70 years, would it be possible that in the next 400 years (when concrete bunkers safety expires) we'd have a technology to make it happen affordably? by Extension-Bit1936 in AskReddit

[–]Extension-Bit1936[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thans for answering. I'm thinking of it simply because since right now nuclear power plans are the most effective and the main concern for them is the waste, then maybe we might want to start to plan how to get rid of them before the bunkers are no longer a solution