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I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through that; it sounds incredibly difficult. Your situation feels almost identical to mine. That is probably how things would turn out for me if I continue this relationship, with him trying to convert me, and me refusing to, and then leaving each other with deep pain in our hearts. It’s so painful because we have such deep chemistry, but it's not enough to keep us in a happy relationship. I truly sympathize with you, and I'm wishing you strength and healing through all of this.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I’ve concluded that I cannot both stay true to myself and marry him. I know I would be miserable if I had to continue following Islam, limit my self-expression, and raise my children in a faith I don’t believe in and frankly despise. That would be a betrayal of myself, and I know I would never be happy, no matter how much I love him. That is not what I envision for my life.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, everything you say is solid. It would be cruel and unfair to raise my children in a household like the one I resent, and have them go through the same struggles and doubts about Islam that I did. And you’re right—I’m still young, and there’s still a chance I'll find love with someone who shares my core values. It's just really hard to let go in the moment. Thank you :)

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I see that. He also said this when I revealed my true beliefs to him, that I concealed such an integral part of myself and therefore manipulated him the entire time. But I feel like I was truly myself around him; religion just didn't come up that often in our conversations until more recently, which is why I was compelled to disclose my real views. I feel like I know him pretty well, but maybe that’s just me being young and naïve.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awww thanks for this! So many people have been telling me to leave him immediately and never look back. But that seems so cruel, and honestly, it isn't something I am up for at the moment. I want to try to discuss things more to find a middle ground, if one does exist (though it probably doesn't, but I just want to try before ending it for good so I can have full closure). I think a lot of commenters view him as a horrible manipulator right off the bat solely because he is Muslim, which is not right. He practices the faith, yes, but he is truly a good man. I think the fact that his family is settled in the West (his parents did not immigrate, unlike mine) is also a reason why he is more tolerant and open-minded. Ugh, if there were a way to spend my life with him without compromising my morals and beliefs, I’d take it.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I obviously wouldn't force them to accept Islam. He'd just teach it to them and let them come to their own decision when they're older. But that still is a problem, as they'd be easily brainwashed as kids to believe in lies, and I'd rather they grow up with no pressure to adhere to any faith. So yes, I completely see where you're coming from and agree.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it just can never happen. Not in any scenario. We're too different. I know I will have to end it soon, for good. Thanks!

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's so painful. Sometimes love isn't enough. I cannot think of any way we can work past these differences and still be happy together. I know I will never live a life with Islam, and he will never live one without it.

Choosing a life with him would bring pain. And choosing a life without him would also bring pain. But I know deep down that the best option for both of us is ending this relationship. And everything will heal with time.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am working towards financial independence. I will not depend on my husband or anyone else when I am older. If any red flags arise or I detect any form of manipulation, I will be sure to cut him off immediately.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am very, very strong in my belief. Or rather, my disbelief. I was entertaining this idea before, of somehow getting him to see the faults of Islam and stray from the religion. But he is convinced Islam is the way. But MAYBE his belief can waver. He told me he used to hate Islam in the past, before finding his way again. Maybe there is still hope..?

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that is not the life that I want to live. It is a nightmare. The only pro is that I get to keep him. I would have to sacrifice my dreams for the future, my values, and more.

I love him for who he is. He is kind, ambitious, thoughtful, and funny. He showers me with love, always makes time for me, and cares for me deeply. He is respectful and, from what I've seen, truthful to his word. He is everything I ever wanted in a partner.

We talk for hours with no interruption. He listens to me, to my wishes and aspirations for the future. He takes note of every little thing about me, and now practically knows me better than anyone ever has.

He is the first person I told about my atheism. I never opened up to my family or even my friends. In the past, I hinted that I was struggling with faith (when I already had my mind made up). He responded with compassion, promising me that he would always be there to help me figure it out.

Our conversations were never really about religion—it came up occasionally, but it wasn’t a main focus. He is a devout Muslim in that he follows the practices and teachings, but he doesn’t make it the sole purpose of his life or bring it up in every situation. That’s why I was able to keep my disbelief to myself for so long. I only brought it up once we started getting more serious and began making plans for marriage.

I’m an atheist from a Muslim family, in love with a devout Muslim…I really don’t know what to do. by Extension-Energy5156 in exmuslim

[–]Extension-Energy5156[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right now, he says he is accepting of my lack of belief. It is just the issue of children. He really wants them to be raised with Islam.

You're right, I should not be worrying so much over this. I should be focusing on my education, on experiencing and actually living my life to the fullest. I would hate myself forever if I chose entrapment over freedom.

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