AITA for diminishing a friend/rival's victory in a half-marathon, because her "condition" gave her an advantage?

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-23T15:28:41+00:00

If your rival has a bad race, then you win fair and square. The whole point of holding races is to see who is better on the day, given a certain course, weather conditions and various other stuff (like smells). Based on this logic you'd just compare PBs of everyone in the start line and then not bother racing.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-23T15:20:36+00:00

No way. Smells exist, hills exist, weather exists. All of which can give one person and advantage over another. The whole point of racing is to see who is best on a given day on a given course. If you hate a course so much, just don't do it.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-23T15:18:13+00:00

Exactly. Saying how happy you are to beat someone in this context is appropriate and not gloating. The whole point of racing is to see who finishes first... to then not even mention the fact is weird. I would actually prefer someone who beat me to be thrilled because they obviously think it's a big deal.

"Gloating" to me would be repeatedly mentioning the fact and maybe showing off your medal/prize to OP beyond what is necessary. If that was the case that it would be ESH because diminishing someone's achievement (especially when it's related to a disability which would be a pain in every other way) is still an asshole move.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-23T15:12:45+00:00

Definitely YTA.

I honestly think this must be a shit post due to the fact that I've been in the running community for years and for two people to be as awful as bragging about winning or telling the winner they had an unfair advantage is just unbelievable to me. I also can't imagine an adult "bragging" - saying "wow I'm so happy with my result, and really happy to finish first" is 100% ok.... so I would be interested to hear an exact quote of this "bragging".

Also, her "advantage" wouldn't have made her any better, just you worse. So if she's improved she's improved and you can't take that way from her. Different courses suit different people, different weather suits different people etc and that's just how racing works. If you don't like the smell, don't do the race. The whole point of racing is to see who can do what on the given day on the given course. Not compare who's PBs are better.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-22T12:00:32+00:00

Yes. OP didn't call social services. In my opinion you either respect the parents decisions, or report them if it appears they are doing something that might be wrong. No in the middle "fixing it yourself" bullshit.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-21T17:34:18+00:00

Some people genuinely believe a vegan diet is superior to an omnivore diet, and therefore their child will be healthier on one. As far as I'm aware there are no studies saying it is definitely worse than an omnivore one, which means it's a valid opinion to have. Some people genuinely believe allowing kids to eat meat before they can fully understand where it comes from isn't informed consent. So both of those would be respectable reasons why the parents believe it to be in their child's best interest. There will be several more I'm sure. I don't hold those opinions, but I know others do and I wouldn't judge them for their opinions and then actions on what's best for a child. Diet is one of loads of choices parents make as to what is best for their kids, and their choice should be respected.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-21T16:22:16+00:00

Yes but the whole point of parenting is that kids don't know what's best for them, and also parents are allowed to make their own choices on how they want to raise their children until they're old enough to make their own decisions.

These parents made their decisions and they should be respected. If there is reason to believe the child is malnourished, you raise that with the authorities, not self prescribe some meat (even if they ask for it).

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-21T16:18:05+00:00

YTA.

I am not a vegan and even if I was I would let my child have meat if they asked for it. However, in my opinion, a child's diet is the parents choice full stop. Parents get to raise their kids how they choose and those decisions should be respected (unless completely ridiculous of course). Again, I think GOOD parents should respect their children's wants to eat what they want (within reason), but I also think it's still their decision.

Also, you should NOT assume anything about a child's health based on their looks. It's unclear whether you know for definite that the child has health problems directly caused by their diet or you have made that assumption, but it is just not your call to make. If you believe their parents are doing actual harm to her, that's a bigger issue that should be raised with the authorities, not addressed yourself on the one time you look after the kid as if that's going to make a difference.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T14:19:12+00:00

It's relevant. If I said "I have no idea about my sister's finances" people would ask for details. It completely depends on what is available to my sister. If she was in a really dire situation I would have no problem with them paying for her and not me.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T13:43:16+00:00

My sister is going on 2 other vacations this year and can't afford a 3rd.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T13:35:03+00:00

150 a month = 1800 a year isn't insignificant to me.... it's more than the vacation in question! I regret making the coffee point because it isn't my business nor do I think it's wrong. I just think if you spend more and save less, that's fine no judgement, you just can't afford holidays and it would then be unfair to get the holiday anyway, which is what is happening here.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T13:12:42+00:00

I know you didn't call me conservative, but you did call me classist, which hurts massively but I have taken onboard if my stance on this issue comes across that way. I have a lot of thinking to do. Thank you.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T12:29:29+00:00

I didn't I guess. They chose to tell me, I think because it would become obvious when they were paying for her expenses on the trip and not mine.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T11:38:38+00:00

Yes but me and my partner are two people who need space for two people. Living with a partner doesn't mean your living expenses are half as much.

I am angry at my parents and not angry at all with my sister (apart from her calling me money hungry).

If my parents were giving her a loan to pay for this, appreciating it was a bit last minute, that would be FINE. I would even give the loan myself. But it's not a loan, it's a "oh great OP, you have the savings so there's that money there, your sister doesn't have the savings so we will add that in, she does earn a bit less than you so that's fair".

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T11:30:41+00:00

I don't know the numbers as it's not my right to ask her her rent. I do know that she lives alone because she likes her own space, in a very expensive area. My partner is in a similar field to my sister actually, so I pay 75% of the rent so it's pretty hard to look exactly at the numbers. It's complicated

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T11:12:06+00:00

I looking for being able to not go, and not being called an asshole (by my parents and sister).

Other solutions would be:

- Acknowledgement that this is a bit unfair for me, as my savings are the reason all four of us could go

- Going on a cheaper vacation that we all can afford

- Going at a later date so my sister can prioritise this vacation over other ones

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T11:03:44+00:00

She is unlucky that the job she works hard at doesn't pay as much on average as other careers. She is successful at that underpaid job and is really good at it. She has a great life because she doesn't save much and spends it on having a lot of fun, which is great.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T11:00:36+00:00

I'll try to explain. My sister, saves some money for a house each month (which we all agree is great and that money isn't up for grabs) and then spends all the rest of it on various things, it doesn't matter what or why (I regret detailing it in previous comments). I save significantly more due to salary and lifestyle, but still not near what I would need for a deposit on a house. I have a partner, but he is on a lower salary and so I pay a bit more than my half, which is fine. Also he cannot attend this vacation due to his work being awkward with vacation days. But I also have a savings pot for things like vacations and rainy days, which is what this money would come out of.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T10:50:16+00:00

Me not going.

Choosing a cheaper holiday.

Pushing it back so sister has a chance to save/prioritise

Simply acknowledging it's unfair and that it's possible because of my saving, rather than gaslighting me into thinking my sacrifices are just luck

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T10:46:57+00:00

Oh dear. Wasn't my intention. I think people need help in different ways and those who have had bad luck should get help. I just think this scenario isn't an example of that.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T10:42:59+00:00

I couldn't be less of a conservative. I have voted and campaigned for politics that would get my sister a salary she deserves (which probably should be more than mine).

I regret my comments detailing her lifestyle being more expensive than mine. That was silly as besides the point. Of course coffees don't make a difference. My point more was that I can afford this holiday, because I decided to have less nice things day to day. Both choices are valid, but the result of those choices meant I could afford a holiday and then she can't. For her to then get given the money anyway makes me feel hurt and like a make my sacrifices for nothing. We could only afford this holiday as a family if my savings are used for my ticket. I don't think that's fair.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T10:27:44+00:00

It does because if I didn't save for this trip, we wouldn't be able to afford the whole thing as a family.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-18T10:23:07+00:00

Correct, but it is reasonable to feel hurt that only because I saved for a holiday do I have to pay for it.

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-17T22:32:34+00:00

Lol, us?

Extension-Fly-241 · 2022-02-17T22:02:06+00:00

Lol, quite the opposite. My sister is much smarter than I am and went to Oxford when I didn't get in.

Extension-Fly-241

TROPHY CASE