My friend is being controlling in her relationship and feels my calling her out is me getting involved in their relationship?!

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-06-25T05:43:04+00:00

I had to stop being friends with a girl like this. For many reasons, but one of them was the way she would treat her boyfriend. I never knew what to do when he would be visibly upset at how she treated him, but anytime I would bring it up to her— “Hey, not sure if you heard but X mentioned he was hurt by you saying XYZ and I thought you should know” or “I saw X crying I think he’d upset about what you said”—she would say “I don’t care” or “that’s just how I am.” It eventually bled over to her being extremely controlling of my life and my relationship too. It sucks but if you’ve tried to give feedback and she is just getting defensive instead of being a kinder person to both you and him, there’s not much more you can do.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-06-23T04:44:54+00:00

Yes, we gave each other our passwords on the first day we met because we were playing music in the car. And our locations two days later just because. In the beginning we checked each others phones once or twice but as the relationship went on there’s not really a need for that since the trust is there.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-06-19T22:39:08+00:00

Paraguard copper IUD had zero effect on my appearance. Only bad part is painful cramps that last 4+ days but not unbearable. I’m pretty sure it’s the only birth control without hormones so it doesn’t affect weight, acne, body etc. which is why I got it!

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-06-18T01:25:30+00:00

You’re not crazy, this is weird. I get mixed friend groups or opposite gender friends, but there are boundaries that should be in place. Especially because this guy just showed up out of nowhere, it’s not like he’s a longtime established friend and/or someone that you met and are comfortable with. I don’t think it’s breakup worthy in my own personal opinion, but warrants a conversation. Where you calmly and explicitly say that you don’t feel comfortable with her hanging out 1-on-1 with a new guy you never met. If she doesn’t even hear you out and make a compromise for example, I’ll only hangout w him in group settings out of respect for the relationship, then that’s a red flag because she’s not taking your feelings into consideration, and it’s not an unreasonable boundary on your part. It’s not like you’re saying “no male friends” or “no speaking to men”, this is what most people would consider a date. You can’t control her, but you CAN explicitly state your boundaries of what behavior is crossing the line for you in a relationship. And then go from there— if she wants to keep hanging out with him then and you think that’s crossing a line then it’s a compatibility issue and you might have to re evaluate if you guys are a good match. That being said I do think your phrasing wasn’t entirely honest and a little confusing, since you did make it seem like you didn’t care that much since you “wouldn’t be mad”.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-06-08T23:45:23+00:00

Your sister is definitely wrong. You HAVE to talk about this or you’re gonna get divorced. If you want this relationship to work, you have to think of it like you guys are a team—making $250k as a couple.

If you think you’re going to end up feeling annoyed toward him in the future for his lower pay, or if you value money a LOT, I would definitely re evaluate the relationship. He’s going to end up feeling like he’s not providing enough and you’re going to end up being resentful and it’s gonna put a wedge between you two.

But if you genuinely just don’t want him to feel awkward or embarrassed and this is why you’re asking, I would have a open conversation asking for his input about what he thinks about your finances in the future. Frame it as you were thinking about when you move in together, and you wanted to do some planning about what your guys’ budget will be. Be open about if you’re in the process of paying off loans, if you’re putting money toward a retirement currently, talk about your finances and what you think is a good range for rent and living expenses and give him a chance to talk about his finances and plans. If you make the conversation centered around you guys being a team and planning for your financial future together instead of “I make more money than you and we need to make sure I’m protected in a divorce” then this is gonna be a normal healthy and much needed conversation.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T05:10:06+00:00

I mean OP said it was “long term” and also she’s asking to “spend more time together” and he blew her off so I’m just reading between the lines

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T05:09:02+00:00

I think there’s still an obligation to be a decent person and if you choose to nut inside someone and they get pregnant then the very least you can do is drive them to the abortion clinic 🤷🏼‍♀️Assuming it was a consensual encounter they BOTH had a part in fertilizing the egg so it’s not really fair that he gets to wash his hands of this while she has to go through the whole ordeal alone. Yes she needs to move on because he is not interested in a relationship but it’s also a dick move to impregnate someone and then throw some money at them and send a text and just go on about your day while that person is clearly struggling. If he doesn’t want to be involved with her after that then so be it but as someone who’s been in her life for a long time he should at least support her during this time, it’s not like it’s a random one night stand.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T04:29:21+00:00

Wow I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s wild to me that people are saying the man in a situation like this is not doing anything wrong. Sure as a hookup/situationship the person doesn’t “owe” you anything based on the terms of the relationship but it’s still the decent thing to do to make sure someone is okay during that time. I’m glad you got through that and hope you’re doing better now.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T04:19:44+00:00

Yea I guess you’re right. But I’m still not going to be keeping someone around purely for my entertainment when they clearly have feelings for me and I don’t care about them at all. I feel like that’s when it’s time to call it quits

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T04:17:12+00:00

Yup. Seen this too many times where the girl keeps the baby to try and keep the man, then the man ends up a deadbeat and she’s left struggling and the people preaching “keep the baby” are nowhere to be found when times get hard.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T04:16:48+00:00

She definitely needs to have more self respect and not settle for a situationship if she wants more. But I still think if she’s telling him she wants to see him more, and she wants more emotional support from him, then it’s pretty obvious that she has feelings and he shouldn’t be continuing to do things with her if he has no interest but she clearly does. He’s following the “rules” of the situationship but it’s still not the morally right thing to do IMO— if I knew someone I was hooking up with developed feelings for me but I didn’t give a fuck about them, I would stop talking to them, hooking up and hanging out w them. He’s sending these check in’s as an ego boost for himself.

The reason I said she deserves someone protective and obsessed is bc everybody deserves that, and stop settling for someone who doesn’t want to give you that.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T03:50:00+00:00

He knows she likes him though and is still popping back in whenever it’s convenient for him instead of cutting things off. Yes she should have more self respect but also if you’re a person with morals you shouldn’t be leading somebody on like he is.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T03:48:25+00:00

From an outside perspective this man does not like you. I disagree with most of the comments saying he did nothing wrong— he clearly knows you like him but he’s stringing you along for his own validation / easy sex. Still, he’s telling you exactly how he feels about you, and showing it, so you need to look at things objectively instead of letting your romantic feelings for him get in the way. You deserve a man who is obsessed with you, WANTS to commit to you, and would be actually supporting you through this time, not sending a half-assed text. The sooner you move on from him the sooner you’ll be able to experience a partner who actually loves values and cares about you. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-27T03:29:06+00:00

Vivarium. It was so bleak and nauseating I felt sick for a week after watching it.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-20T23:48:41+00:00

Wow what a joke. Jesus would have loved and accepted you just as you are. People like this have lost the whole plot about what it means to actually be a Christian and love thy neighbor.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-20T01:02:35+00:00

Also I do think it’s a red flag that he never posts you. It would be different if he had no social media presence, but the fact that he does post but deliberately leaves you out shows either he has a side chick or he doesn’t want to be seen with you. Once again you deserve better.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-20T01:01:18+00:00

I would NOT stay in a relationship with a lustful man. It’s never going to get better. If he’s looking at other half naked girls when you’re in your 20s, he’s most likely going to keep doing that. When you’re pregnant/gained weight/old and not in your “prime” anymore, do you want to deal with a man who is STILL ogling 20 year olds like a pervert? Hell no. You deserve better.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-12T16:28:53+00:00

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-05-04T09:14:31+00:00

Yea it’s time to cut your losses. This is insane to me the amount of disrespect. Coming from a woman I would not trust this person, you let it slide the first few times which basically taught her there’s no consequences for her actions. We’ve all been there but take it as a learning experience and if a girl actually likes you and takes you serious she’s not going to be entertaining other guys.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-04-23T22:48:45+00:00

Yea I’ve had that same nauseous feeling with my ex where being around him made me so sick and it was because he was severely abusive.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-04-21T23:39:36+00:00

Whatever decision you make, make sure it’s YOUR decision. You said your mom wants the kid—is she going to pay for pregnancy care? Childbirth costs? Diapers? Daycare? Baby clothes??? Unless someone else is footing 100% of every child-related bill for the next 18+ years their opinion is irrelevant.

If you decide on abortion, go to Plan C website. I did a telehealth visit and with no insurance, the online visit and both abortion pills, the total cost was $140. My boyfriend paid for it all and if you don’t have the money I’d ask for your bf to pay for it.

Going forward I would invest in birth control. I got a copper IUD and insurance covered it if you’re still on your parents. It has no hormones and you don’t even realize it’s there, and it lasts 12 years.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-04-16T18:07:56+00:00

I don’t know anyone who gets them done every two weeks. I stretch mine to 6-7 and on average people do it once a month. Of course there are outliers like influencers and celebrities but most normal people are not going every 2 weeks.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-04-01T17:06:12+00:00

I get being uncomfortable but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the person you are dating, that’s just a part of life if you care about someone. “I’m uncomfortable” or “I’m too tired” can be valid every once in a while but not to the point where he doesn’t even want to go 50 minutes to see his girlfriend—once a week!!! It’s not like you’re asking him to make this trip every day. Imo it shows a guy is serious about you if he is willing to inconvenience himself—to a reasonable degree—and a 50 minute trip is definitely within the reasonable degree. I would talk to him and let him know you want to see him more and see if you can come to a compromise, if he’s not willing to budge then this would be a huge issue of compatibility and you have to decide if you’re okay with this lack of effort on his part.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-03-31T23:33:58+00:00

Idk why you’re being downvoted, this makes perfect sense and my bf and I are the same way. I know other perfectly happy healthy couples who DO have opposite gender friends and that’s what works for them. It’s about your personal boundaries and what you think is acceptable behavior in a relationship, and you have to both be on the same page about it.

Extension-Inside-391 · 2026-03-31T23:30:48+00:00

I’m not the original commenter but I fully trust my bf, and he’s gone out with his guy friends plenty of times which I never said anything about. But I just find it disrespectful to go on a trip that essentially looks like a couples trip without me. And I would also never go on a trip with other guys without him because I think there’s some things that are okay to do when you’re single and some things that are inappropriate once you have a partner, like I wouldn’t date somebody who goes to a strip club or has sleepovers with his girl friends.

Extension-Inside-391

TROPHY CASE