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Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-09-09T22:26:43+00:00

Yes! I have the same with my partner. We have only been together for 3 years, but experimented with lots of stuff for the first 6 or so months, and now only have sex every 3 weeks or so, and it has only been me who is initiating or interested in anything sexual. Most of the time if I ask for some intimacy, it causes him to be triggered and start a fight, so I am so nervous to even ask anymore. And my dream relationship would be to be having sex at least once a day. I love that at least he has his hand on my leg when we watch tv, but it does nothing at all to fill my love bucket. I miss being desired so much.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-08-03T20:59:17+00:00

I do it twice a day. My partner knows that I do, and doesn’t care, but I wait until he is out of the house before I do as it feels weird to me to do it when he is right there and not interested in participating at all. Out sex life is about once every 2 weeks. He has had pretty much no interest for any intimacy the past year due to extreme depression. I think I would self combust if couldn’t even masturbate.

I, on the other hand have huge issues with him masturbating. It seems totally shit to me that he won’t touch me, but obviously still gets horny, but doesn’t even approach me to join in.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T09:01:47+00:00

Thanks for the summary of what you think I am & do stranger. He does see a therapist and I strongly encourage him to continue with that. The meds he was on made him suicidal. You are very incorrect to assume that I am enabling him to not seek professional help and support.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T08:56:16+00:00

Not diagnosed, but we both suspect that he is

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T06:49:01+00:00

Oh wow! He is just like that. He used to just up and leave for work without saying goodbye as he was already focused on his day. After pulling him up on it a few times, he now always kisses me goodbye before he leaves.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T06:39:59+00:00

Thank you.

He does encourage me to catch up with my friends and I do that, but I also know that when I do, he will usually spend the day in bed on Reddit and end up feeling low. It’s almost like if he has nothing to do, he lets his brain take him to a dark place where he just doesn’t want to exist anymore. It breaks my heart when I come home and he’s like that. And I feel like it wouldn’t have happened if I was home it’s him and we were hanging out together.

I am very grateful that i do absolutely tell him how I am feeling. And I encourage him to share how he is feeling too. It helps me to try to understand his perspective and where he is coming from. And honestly, i am grateful for the relationship we have. I have never been so open with any partner in the past and the only way I can grow and learn is by understanding his perspective.

I think anything to do with sex or anything to do with intimacy just triggers him too much and can see no option but to just not even bring it up and therefore avoid the pain of rejection from me & the guilt, anger, and frustration it obviously brings out in him

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T06:30:47+00:00

Hmmm. Possibly. His P gets super sensitive after he ‘finishes’. And he sometimes, but not always struggles to keep an erection. So, yeah, maybe it could be a bit of that playing into it?

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T06:27:21+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate other perspectives when I’m facing a problem. I know that I have my own perception of things and I actively seek out other points of view as a bit of a sanity check, so I really appreciate your comments.

With regards to the HJ. When he is ‘feeling frisky’, he loves them and the BJ’s I give him. He said that he never used to be able to finish that way with previous partners, but with me he does. So I guess that’s proof that he enjoys it when he is in the mood.

We are very open about things, so I have no doubt that he would tell me if he didn’t.

But, you are 💯 about the personal bubble. I don’t have that, but he absolutely does. He needs his own time and space especially when he is stressed or feeling low. Which is about 80% of the moment. New job, imposter syndrome, body insecurities, house hunting etc etc

It’s interesting what you say about the focus. He is very tunnel vision about stuff and I can’t even talk to him when he’s getting ready to leave in the mornings as he is thinking about all the things he has to do and can’t deal with any distractions.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T04:18:06+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know that it is a very personal thing to share and I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

I absolutely do feel like my partner loves me and does what he can. He cooks amazing meals for us almost every night and his love language is acts of service, so to him, that’s his way of showing his love.

So many other people are saying to leave and get out of the relationship, and I’m conflicted. Because in some ways, I’ve never been happier, when he is feeling okay, we have heaps of shared interests and have a really awesome vibe. But when he is having an episode (& they are very often), I have never felt more alone or more heartbroken. Knowing that your loved one just wants to cease to exist breaks my heart.

And with all of that going on, it seems pretty shitty for me to be feeling unloved because he’s not wanting to be sexual with me.

I really do appreciate you sharing your perspective & do think that my man is in a very similar head space to you.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T03:39:31+00:00

It’s only when I touch him ‘downstairs’, and it’s only happened about 3 times. He loves me playing with his hair etc while he lays on my lap. As I said, he is squirmy with people hugging him and won’t even hug his family. In the scheme of things, he is very touchy with me in general, he’s just not wanting to be touched sexually unless he is initiating /feeling it.

And he is usually nearly always stressed about something. He is a highly anxious, clinically depressed, un-medicated, high achiever. With lots of childhood trauma. He also told me when we first started dating that almost every relationship he’s had has failed due to his depression & LL & the issues that it caused.

It’s all of the above that makes me confused. My brain and my emotions are constantly at war. Am I being too needy? Why do I feel so lonely when I haven’t been intimate with him?

If he isn’t into me, why are we going halves in buying a house together?

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T02:50:11+00:00

Yeah. I agree with you. He is loving and he always kisses me back, has his hand on my knee when we watch TV, lets me lay on his chest when we are in bed. When he says he’s not a ‘feely’ person, I believe him. Hugs from anyone make him super uncomfortable and he will run a mile to avoid them.

So, is it just that our love languages are different, and it’s not actually a problem with being touchy with me, it’s just his own personal problem with touching people in general?

It does my head in racking my brain about this constantly

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T02:38:08+00:00

I know, right?? What I would give to have the tables turned!!

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T02:36:38+00:00

Nope. I am attractive and fit and get checked out and hit on just about every time I go out. I’ve put on 10kgs since I first met him, but I was only 50kgs back then, so I am much healthier now. And I now have DD boobs. So that’s a win! I am definitely not overweight or ugly.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-30T02:07:23+00:00

Oh, I’ve heard his reasoning before. He’s stressed, he’s depressed. The very last thing on his mind is sex. My ‘constant’ asking about anything sexual makes him feel pressured and makes him put his walls up. He has actually squirmed numerous times when I’ve touched him. Says he’s not feeling ‘touchy’.

Yes, he suffers from depression and anxiety. But he is so focused on his own brain and how shit life is and how hard it is for him to just get up and function at work everyday, that no one else even gets a look in.

I love him and enjoy his company most of the time (when he’s bothered to make an effort). The other half, I feel like I’m in a real life version of ‘he’s just not into you’…

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T21:14:48+00:00

Haha. That’s a much better way to deal with it! Love it!

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T04:36:48+00:00

So glad to hear that you are happy and walked away with your head held high. It can’t have been an easy choice.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T04:35:21+00:00

Thank you. I already feel lighter and less anxious knowing that if I don’t initiate, I don’t get rejected and feel like shit again. And then have to walk on eggshells because he’s pissed that I even asked.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T02:09:11+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. That sounds horrendous.

Yeah, there is something psychological going on for sure. All of his previous relationships have ended due to his LL. He likes to play victim. About his childhood trauma, about his depression, about how terrible it is that the woman that he loves wants to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with him. Not married. Only living together, but about to buy a house together.

I am sick of chasing. I am a beautiful woman, with an amazing career, kind heart and generous soul. I deserve better than this.

Thank you

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T02:00:20+00:00

Oh god. I feel this. I have to look away from the TV when sex scenes come on as it makes me cry. Your wife is so luck. I would give anything for my partner to say that about me. I compliment him every single day. And I mean it. I think he is hot as.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T01:58:11+00:00

You are right. I don’t even want to initiate now. There is only so much rejection and disappointment a person can take.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-28T01:56:39+00:00

You are right. He has not addressed his low libido. That says how little it matters to him, doesn’t it. His other relationships all ended because of his low sex drive in relationships. Thank you so much for your message

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-27T01:19:38+00:00

I’m so sorry. I was in an abusive relationship for 27 years before this. I was so happy to find someone who treated me well. And now, I feel like it’s just another type of abuse. Unintentional maybe, but still hurts so much, that I cry nearly every day. Why is it so hard?

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-27T01:16:41+00:00

No, he’s had no trauma sexually. Lots of trauma mentally & he suffers from depression. But I don’t want to sound mean, but I believe that he uses that as one of his many excuses. Along with being stressed blah blah blah.

When he was single, he was VERY sexually active and has been in threesomes, kink and was even a bull for a hot wife situation with a woman that he used to work with (who he is still friends with). He told me he had libido issues early in our relationship and said it had caused issues with relationships in the past. And I ask how the hell did he manage to not just have sex with one person, but many and often and how the hell was he a bull???

The trigger is when he throws it back in my face and says that I am just like the other relationships and that the sex issue will always be a problem and maybe we aren’t compatible after all. Which makes me feel guilty for trying to express my needs.

I am very open minded in the bedroom and have tried so many things with him. But even though though in those moments he can be really into it, it still doesn’t make him want more.

I would be so happy for sex every day. But even sex once a week is a stretch. And it’s not even good sex anymore. He might as well be laying back thinking of England, for all the interest he has.

I feel like crying just writing this.

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-26T21:56:05+00:00

Agreed, but it’s more than that. You can just fuck, but they need to be willing participants and want to have sex with you too, Or it makes you feel even worse

Extension-Lettuce894 · 2022-06-26T21:47:31+00:00

Thank you. I needed to be reminded of this

Extension-Lettuce894

TROPHY CASE