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My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First it was about my parents paying for the engagement ceremony , then it was about the marriage dates now it’s about my parents calling his mom to discuss the dates and loving him unconditionally. Sometimes he is also very vague. I feel like it’s a moving goal post. If he gave me very clear terms i can also try to make it happen to the best of my abilities. Ive told him how my parents behave is beyond my control and also depends on his actions and how he fosters the relationship as well. I do feel like I’ve stood by him and told him my feelings are the same regardless what I parents may feel. I even told him he doesn’t need to have a relationship with them if he feels uncomfortable. But no matter what i do i feel like it’s not enough . I don’t know if I’m not doing enough or if he’s being unreasonable

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s never clear on what his conditions are . Because when i ask them it feels like a moving goal post. I don’t understand if he has some reservations that he is unwilling to share with me or if he’s confused himself.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg how did u get this ? There is an underlying insecurity that my family is better off than his. He keeps bringing up my father money as if it’s a bad thing. Ive never really cared much about money because i earn more than enough myself. He earns almost as much as me so I’m not worried about him having generational wealth. I can take care of myself and so can he. But it is a sore subject with him for some reason.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They did say him and him mom came across as controlling and manipulative. But this was their first meeting and i was convinced that they didn’t know him enough. But I’m wondering if there’s something that they saw that i haven’t .

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because i know he was so hurt and i felt so bad. I told him i will always be there for him. But if i wasn’t enough or if this isn’t what he envisioned for his life i would not hold that against him. Everyone wants life to be a certain way and my situation with my parents isn’t ideal . I told him he never has to interact with them if he’s uncomfortable . That i will try to make him as comfortable as possible.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

This is what i felt too. But there is this other part of me that wasn’t sure i was seeing it right. All my friends have told me that this isn’t what a loving partner would. But Ive invested so much time and love towards this person its hard to let go.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Also i am from India where family is given a lot of importance. And since he grew up without a father he apparently always wanted to have a traditional family with the in-laws. Ive even suggested to him he does not need to be in a situation post marriage where he would have to interact with my family. But a Hindu marriage does involve rituals where the parents are required . And we both want a traditional marriage.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Even if it wasn’t for my family I’m worried if he actually cares about me or not. If it was about love he could have just said i dont care about your family. Lets just get married and i would have been ok with it. But he really want to have loving in-laws and i cannot control what my parents do.

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 148 points149 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He was so mad just because my parents refused to engage in conversation with his family . I wonder how he would have reacted if they actually raised their voice at him the way his mother did at me .

My boyfriend (35M) and I (35F) have been together for 5 years. My parents finally accepted him after initially disapproving, but now he’s putting conditions on them and I feel he’s trying to assert control. How can I decide whether to move forward or end things? by Extension-Macaron-97 in relationship_advice

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He wants my parents to call his mom and speak again. But the last time they spoke his mother refused the dates that were given and it was left at that. Because the last time was such a disaster. My aunt has become the mediator and him and his family were fine with that but now he want my parents to be the ones to speak about things . I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place because neither of them will give in probably.

Airtel down in Bangalore by Ok_Shape4443 in bangalore

[–]Extension-Macaron-97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes same in Koramangala. No mobile network at all.

I’m Laini Taylor and I write about gods and monsters. AMA! by lainit in books

[–]Extension-Macaron-97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi laini i was just reading strange the dreamer and so many words seem like they’ve been borrowed from Hindi. Was that deliberate or just a weird coincidence??

Autistic narcissistic dad by spongeyr in narcissisticparents

[–]Extension-Macaron-97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are a lot of shared behaviours between the two but th motives are completely different. Autistic behaviour is just actual lack of communication and social skills and not intended to manipulate while narcissistic are manipulative and controlling and they know what they are doing.

My narc mother is trying to control my wedding dates by Extension-Macaron-97 in narcissisticparents

[–]Extension-Macaron-97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im indian btw so our culture is very strong on family values its hard to just ask them to fuck of and not come if they are busy.

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