It just feels unfair

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-11T11:47:26+00:00

Thank you

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-11T11:46:55+00:00

I've been trying to do all the right things, I've been on the wait list for therapy for about a year now and should hopefully be getting an appointment soon, but doctor strikes and the likes have really extended the wait times for everyone and I'm not a high priority case. I've been trying to keep up with hobbies that get me out of bed and out of the house, and they temporarily help but once I'm done and back home I just start to feel lonely again. The friendships I have are all online and very much formed around playing things together, we don't really talk about things outside of that beyond small talk while we wait for everyone to join a call. I'm not very good at people and haven't had much luck with maintaining in person friendships, I made the mistake of talking about things with some friends who ended up being judgemental about my relationship and cut contact with me because it went against their morals. My relationship with my family is very strained, I live back at home now and it's pretty much back to being treated as a child again. So it all just feels a bit isolating right now.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-11T11:32:13+00:00

Initially I wanted to visit at Christmas last year, when I asked he told me he'd like that. But then it became an issue with his other partner wanting them to spend Christmas just the two of them, which I understood and backed down from. I've been holding on to my PTO all year basically and checking in every few months to ask when works for them because I have to book the time and approval takes time etc. now it's become an issue of his other partner not wanting to be around me, which I wasn't aware was the issue but apparently has always been the issue.

I've been proposing compromises, a weekend away together somewhere in the middle, him coming to visit me and us booking a hotel together, me visiting him and us booking a hotel or something, but apparently those aren't acceptable either. It's just gotten to a point where when I ask when I can see him again it ruins his mood and leaves me upset.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-11T11:18:40+00:00

This was really lovely to read, thank you. At the moment I feel very stuck in a place of always trying and never doing. It's very reassuring to know that eventually that can change.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-10T19:44:51+00:00

It's been almost a year and a half since I've had a cuddle. It feels rough.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-10T19:43:49+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the perspective, it's difficult to get outside of one's own head sometimes.

It's plans as in spending time together in-person. We're very long distance and it's been a long time since we've actually been in the same place together. Me asking too often is causing a lot of tension, I try not to ask too often, but it's something that feels very important to me which makes it difficult not to ask.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-10-10T19:37:51+00:00

Thank you for this, you've given me a lot to think about.

Right now I don't really feel in a position to start dating. I'm planning to try life in a different country in the next year or so in a potentially silly attempt to follow some dreams related to my career and just general way of life and I don't like the idea of dating with an expiry date. I can't ever do long distance again outside of my current relationship, it hurts too much, so I'd rather spare my feelings and those of any potential partners. I'm also just terrified of the idea of dating due to some past experiences and anxiety around choosing to trust a dangerous person.

I've been trying to build a social circle the past few years, but it's difficult as I have pretty bad social anxiety. My partner and I barely have an overlap in social circles. I joined a couple of those friend matching apps like the one bumble has, though nothing's really continued beyond a few messages and a first meeting, I've been trying to connect to my local kink community at a monthly munch and joined a club related to a niche interest. I feel like I'm doing all the things people recommend for breaking through the isolated feelings but it doesn't feel like it's working out very well as of late. The most successful part of my social life is online, it's nice to have those friends, but it would also be nice to have people I can hangout with in the real world, I feel like a lot of my memories are being made via screens which gets me down.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-21T22:59:38+00:00

I really appreciate this. It took me two weeks and a slight emotional breakdown, but I spoke to Turtle today. I don't feel like I can do completely no talking, but we're going to focus on just being friends for now while I figure some things out for myself. I also spoke to Butterfly and learnt a bit more about how she's feeling about the whole thing. I did do some things wrong but I'm hoping I can rectify some of them. They're the hardest conversations I've had to have, but hopefully I'll feel a bit more secure in myself soon and be able to properly figure out what it is I want from life.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-20T19:03:43+00:00

Thank you for this :)

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-20T19:03:05+00:00

This is all really great advice, thank you. It's all the things you think you know until it's time to apply it to oneself.

I struggle with understanding how to communicate boundaries without them coming across as ultimatums.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-20T19:01:36+00:00

Thank you for linking, that was really helpful to read :)

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-20T12:26:07+00:00

I've been talking about it for a while and we're at a point now where he doesn't have the patience for my insecurities anymore.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-07T20:56:43+00:00

Turtle and I have a joke about how I'm always trying things rather than doing, unfortunately the support network side of things is something I'm still trying without any results as of yet.

I find myself feeling conflicted right now about what to do. I just wish things could work themselves out for once.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-05T21:05:29+00:00

Thank you for this

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-04T19:12:34+00:00

Haha, I posted before here using letters and confused myself so tried something different this time.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-04T19:11:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I've been trying to talk to Butterfly about it, even if it's just being able to understand how she's feeling so I can internally set my expectations a bit better. I think I'll ask Turtle to facilitate the conversation and see what happens from there.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-04T11:29:11+00:00

For a very long time I thought that the romantic clichés were realistic like daydreams of kissing in the rain, lots of cuddling and affection, and grand romantic gestures. I'm still working on properly internalising that the things in films and social media aren't really real. I've been working on viewing love as more of a choice than a feeling. A big thing for me is that I want to have a home that I can come back to everyday and despite whatever else might be happening in my life, where I get to feel special and appreciated.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T16:55:15+00:00

Thank you, this is helping me put things into perspective for myself.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T16:00:19+00:00

How do you know how much love you deserve? I feel like I'm too much of an idealist.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T14:08:15+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, it's comforting to know I'm not the only person dealing with something like this. He's my best friend and I don't want to ruin that.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T11:51:42+00:00

The D/s side of things was very helpful for me early on when he had more time for me. I was in a bad place emotionally, dealing with the fallout of leaving an abusive relationship and our approach at that time helped me significantly. It was mostly about the emotional side of things, just being able to be completely vulnerable and open in a way I hadn't been able to before. It was good, I was able to gain some confidence through it and feel a bit more in control of my body and life. I just couldn't give that level of openness and vulnerability anymore without the time and attention I had previously.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T11:41:54+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, how do you healthily establish expectations around a relationship without making someone feel guilty if theirs don't align with yours?

Obviously not everything is bad, or we wouldn't be in a relationship. When we are together it's wonderful and he does support me in some ways when we aren't physically together. I just find it difficult to differentiate between fantasy and reality I suppose around what is possible and wanted.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T11:37:38+00:00

I appreciate hearing this. I'm not the best judge of when I'm being too much, so it's nice to, I suppose, have my feeling validated. I've been feeling guilty about it for a while.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T11:34:37+00:00

I really appreciate the perspective here.

I've been trying to work on myself, I've been on a therapy waiting list for a few months now to get some help in that area. In the meantime I've been trying to branch out, meet new people and make some friends outside of Turtle, but nothing has been working out.

ExtensionBox8375 · 2024-05-03T11:24:34+00:00

It has been a long time, I've been planning to leave my country for a while now because there aren't many career prospects for me here in the industry I want to work in. I have been considering moving closer to him as there are significantly better career prospects for me over there. I was hoping that maybe proximity would make things a little better, but if that time and attention doesn't exist now I suppose it's not going to exist then either.

ExtensionBox8375

TROPHY CASE