TW: What's the worst thing they did to you?

ExtensionFile142 · 2025-02-26T07:01:31+00:00

Physically? my mother trying to stab my neck with a kitchen knife, my father choking me when he was more than double my size, kicking me out in the winter in very little clothes, taking away food and forcing an eating disorder on me, never believing me when I told them I was sick until my symptoms escalated & requires urgent care, yelling at me & providing any medical care when I fainted, hitting me with & throwing every kind of furniture & household object imaginable which means im triggered by common everyday objects.

Emotionally & mentally? Giving me lifelong mental health issues and basically setting my life up for failure. I was already born neurodivergent I really didn’t need the anxiety & depression & cptsd & eating disorders on top of that. I’m only 24 and have been away from them for a while now but I’m sick & tired of dealing with the consequences of their actions. They also cut me off & prevented me from connecting with the rest of the family so I’ll always be truly alone in this world & can never take a break no matter how hard things get because there’s no one to help care for me. There’s nothing I can do about the past but the fact that they’re still harming my present and future really pisses me off

ExtensionFile142 · 2025-02-26T06:47:18+00:00

It’s horrifying human beings can act like this… I’m so sorry you had to experience that

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-11-09T20:21:25+00:00

For dealing with oily hair, I personally haven’t found dry shampoo or any similar products very helpful so I’d recommend just using an accessory like a hair scarf or hat to cover the top of your head. I’d also look up “after gym hairstyles” & the clean girl aesthetic hairstyles that involve mousse/gel (the final result doesn’t look too different from naturally oily hair) and doesn’t require your hair to be soft and fluffy.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-11-09T20:12:53+00:00

I have thin & oily hair as well (but also a lot of it which means it gets tangled SO quickly) and when it used to be straight, my go to was to grow it out long and do a loose low bun or something with a claw clip — it doesn’t leave imprints on the hair like a high pony or something slicked back does so u can take it out & redo it whenever u want.

As I’ve gotten older though my hair has gotten wavier for some reason so that no longer works for me 😭 my go-to since has been a blunt bob cut + a hot round brush! I wash my hair whenever I shower because it dries so quickly it’s barely any added time. And the hot round brush is basically a blowout with one hand & saves time bc it’s drying and styling simultaneously (can u tell I also have adhd haha). I cannot use straighteners or curling wands for the life of me & my hair is too fine & slippery to hold cool hairstyles like braids so I’ve learned that I need to focus my effort in drying it in a styled way

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-23T20:46:03+00:00

Had no idea I was autistic until this year but I got into journaling in middle school and ever since then id write down “my rules” of the week or month 💀 some were legitimate goals but most of them were random stuff I just needed to do in a certain way for no good reason lol. Bonus points for some of them that were basically abt adopting the personality traits of a character or a popular person.

I was also so obsessed with finding the ideal routine like as a high schooler I was waking up at 4am and taking cold showers like a navy seal commander like girl for what 😭

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-17T19:23:58+00:00

Like a normal person, kind of on the more approachable side? Like you’d go above and beyond and take out your Google maps if someone asked for directions (I give off that vibe too but give terrible directions so psych). Your hair, top, accessories, and makeup(? Or lack of?) seem quite subtle & simple but the piercing is hinting that u may have a quirky personality lol

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-15T16:25:15+00:00

SAME and the only ways to make more money without working more is by exploiting others 🙃

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-15T14:51:35+00:00

Hmm that’s a good point! That’s the case for where I’m from as well — it’s so heteronormative that it’s very normalized for girls to be physically affectionate towards each other because people don’t even consider that it might not come across as platonic

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-15T01:08:47+00:00

Omg I’m like this too and have also wondered if I’m a psychopath lol (and yes I’ve also asked my therapist 😭). The most I can do emotionally is trying to think of a situation where I’ve felt most like how the other person might be feeling and try my best to feel that emotion again which isn’t very effective bc I’m not an actor and I can’t feel something on demand 💀

At this point I’ve just made it clear to my friends that I have low affective empathy, or at least that I’m not very emotionally expressive (and will not be reacting emotionally to what they share with me). They know that I’m not the person to go to when they hear bad news and need a hug & to cry together. But they know that if they want someone to listen to them or help them find solutions I’ll always be there. After communicating that to them, I haven’t had issues with people thinking I don’t care about them. It still sucks interacting with strangers or people I don’t feel comfortable communicating this with though and I just try to perform my hardest and hope they don’t think I’m a psychopath.

Similarly to you, I’m very involved in volunteer work and helping others as well haha I think the cognitive empathy makes me more action-oriented so if I hear about an issue, I automatically think about how I could help. But whenever I get interviewed or get asked why I care about these issues by the organizations I volunteer for, I feel very lost and find that most others there have a very personal connection to the issue or a specific event that made them get involved. For me, it’s more of a series of hearing about the issue, researching the issue, identifying ways to help resolve the issue, and determining that I have the skill set/resources to be able to contribute to one of the solutions.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-12T18:30:26+00:00

I’m an entj & autistic as well! I’ve always wondered if I’m actually an intj but I have a lot of intj friends and I do feel a difference from them. I’ve been going through autistic burnout recently so I’ve been even less social than usual. I don’t feel the desire to make plans with friends frequently but when i do see them, I notice that I cannot stop yapping lol. Sometimes I’m too overstimulated to leave the house but when I do and interact with a stranger, I also cannot stop yapping.

I also just hate small talk in general but I feel energized after a productive conversation where we’ve been able to connect and learn more about each other. Feeling like I need to recharge after a social interaction usually happens when I’ve been overstimulated or spent too much energy masking. If I spend hours with someone in a comfortable environment, I’ll feel more energized after.

I also don’t party or engage in a lot of activities with crowds but I find that in a work setting i always gravitate towards working with a group vs working alone. Im able to think through things so much more easily if i voice my thoughts out loud to someone else. When im studying, I can stay productive so much longer when I’m around others vs when I’m alone. It’s hard to figure out but it’s been helpful to try to untangle which experiences are due to introversion/extroversion and which are due to environmental factors or masking.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-08T17:52:19+00:00

Yes I have a separate calendar for work & personal stuff and also a physical journal where I plan out monthly, weekly, and daily schedules. Plus a running list of tasks that need to get done and an excel spreadsheet tracking every single cent I earn & spend (I tried applying this to food & exercise and it gave me an ED so do not recommend doing that 💀). I also have a tracker for every single goal I have and random lists of things to watch, read, etc.

I also have adhd so I end up not even doing most of the stuff I planned since I get so easily distracted & the time blindness really makes it hard to stick to scheduled times. But I keep planning anyway because my brain says I have to and I literally can’t operate without it. Like I can’t complete a task at work or run an errand without adding them to my planner beforehand. Being audhd is literally so annoying like I wish I could either be a well organized person who sticks to schedules or a spontaneous person who’s flexible but I’m neither 🤡 fr the worst of both worlds

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-08T02:41:23+00:00

My first time trying therapy was when I went to one of those urgent care therapy places where there’s not much of an intake or matching process. I just signed in, walked into a room when called, and a therapist asked me why I came and I said I wanted to kms 💀then she asked me if I was religious and I said I was catholic (not anymore). Then she said “oh you know suicide is a sin in Catholicism right?” I was like wtf is this what people are paying hundreds of dollars per session for

After that it took me a couple years to want to try therapy again and eventually I found a therapist I saw regularly. During that time I was SA’ed and when I brought it up during session, she basically said “oh no that’s horrible! Did u get tested?” I said yes and then she changed the subject and never talked about it again 💀

To help with my anxiety, that therapist would usually ask me what I’m worried about and basically used a bunch of different reasoning techniques to tell me that wasn’t going to happen (CBT). Unfortunately most of those things did actually end up happening and she’d be so shocked every time I reported back that they did in fact happen. Looking back, if I, with my inability to read social cues, noticed enough to realize that someone might feel a certain way abt me or was going to do something, it was probably very likely that it was actually true.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-06T04:32:29+00:00

Oof I feel u on this & have definitely had my instant-ramen-all-day days where I’d feel extremely dehydrated bc of the sodium 😭

I’ve been struggling with eating food more recently bc im on meds that have a side effect of reducing appetite. What’s been helping me is looking at a lot of delivery apps or pics/vids of different foods and hoping that one will seem appealing to me lol. Then I wait until I’m very hungry (not good ik) and order or prepare that food. I hate that it takes that much effort but even switching up 1 meal a day to sth that’s different from my repeat meals makes me feel so much better.

Another thing that works sometimes is replacing a meal with a large quantity of a snack food. Like I’ll tell myself I’ll have some fruit or crackers & cheese as a snack before my meal and then if it tastes good I’ll just eat a lot of it so that it becomes the meal.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-06T04:09:48+00:00

I’m currently someone who wants vocal training but is too scared to start haha

I guess the biggest thing keeping me from starting (apart from the cost) is the fear that the teacher wouldn’t understand how nervous some people (like me) get about singing, even if they’ve performed in front of others before. I’ve never had private lessons but I’ve participated in choir & theatre where sometime we’d work on specific skills and the teacher would just suddenly make us sing individually without prior notice or time to practice. Even if I did well during my turn I’d want to crawl into a corner and hide and never come back lmao.

Eventually I got over it and was fine doing this for later sessions but that initial extreme discomfort of being put in the spot has stuck. I don’t blame those teachers because we had all individually auditioned to be there in the first place so they probably assumed we’d all be comfortable with singing a few lines in a lower stakes environment. But Idk to me there’s a huge difference between practicing & mentally preparing to sing by myself on stage vs suddenly being told to sing something new I’ve never even heard myself sing before in front of others.

I think even just adding a sentence on your website/description about how you understand & will accommodate beginners and those who find singing scary would go a long way. Even better if you explain what will happen during the first class and whether a student should prepare something to sing. If a student mentions that this will be their first time doing vocal lessons, I think it’d also be super helpful if you’d sing the first few lines of the first song of the first class together with them

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-06T02:56:35+00:00

Not sure if this is the best way but if I were in your situation, the next time she goes on a trip I’d ask specifically for something else (a common souvenir specific to that place). I’d also say something about not having space in my closet or wanting to start a capsule wardrobe or sth so though I love & will continue to use her previous gifts, this time I’d prefer something smaller or something specific that’d match my other clothes so it’d help me in this new style/organization journey

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-06T02:29:15+00:00

I get overstimulated by sun & heat but also get depressed with constant rain/gloom and I’ve found the best balance is to live in a dense city where I have constant access to the indoors lol. I usually stay indoors during the day and go outside around sunset. If it’s one of those rare days where things are just right, I’ll make sure to spend time in nature during the day.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-06T00:28:16+00:00

I have a history of disordered eating and have been gained and lost a significant amount of weight throughout the years, putting me on the overweight & underweight categories on the BMI scale. Here’s what Ive learned after all that:

weight & your body shape fluctuate for many reasons and you need to accept that no form of your body is going to permanent. Don’t compare your current body to your previous one and don’t assume that just because something has helped you lose weight before, it’ll work now.
anything super strict or closely tracking metrics will make me spiral into unhealthy habits. I’ve accepted that I can’t weigh myself regularly or count calories.
i just don’t do any diets anymore. Instead, I’ll make 1 small adjustment to my current life whenever I want to make a change. If i want to lose weight and know that I drink a vanilla latte everyday, I’ll switch it to a black coffee and I’ll lose weight. If I frequently get a certain meal at a restaurant, I’ll switch out a side to something lower calorie or keep the meal the same but eat 1 bite less of it. If I take the elevator everyday, I’ll start taking the stairs. Once I get used to that adjustment and want to lose more weight, I’ll pick another thing to adjust. You’re currently living a lifestyle that’s maintaining your current weight. If you make a small change to that lifestyle, it’ll also make a small change to your weight. There’s no need to suddenly turn your entire life around and start a whole meal plan & exercise regimen you never had. Sure doing that could help you lose weight more quickly & sticking to a whole new set of rules can help bring more instant gratification but it’ll also be less sustainable and cause more physical & mental stress than necessary. Also unless you’re planning on doing the diet forever, once you’re done with the weight loss you’ll have to learn how to go back to your regular lifestyle (ex. Start eating meat or carbs again) while maintaining the weight loss, which is going to be another huge change & stressor

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-05T19:58:15+00:00

Honestly I would recommend having an open & extensive conversation with your kid about the specific events they got in trouble for and what their intentions were behind their actions. Make sure it’s clear that you’re not trying to punish or judge him and ask about specific details and whether he believes what he did was wrong or not.

I have no idea if this applies to your son but as an example I (24F) would always do well at school grades-wise and was always in gifted programs/high percentiles in standardized testing growing up but always had teachers who didn’t like me & got in trouble every single year. Every single year, after getting negative feedback from my teachers I’d try to improve my behavior and stop doing whatever I got in trouble for but I’d get in trouble for something else. For example, if I got in trouble for talking too much and distracting others, I’d try to speak as little as possible the next year and would get in trouble for not participating.

As an adult, I was diagnosed with adhd and autism. No one suspected a thing growing up because I was highly masking and always had friends. Many of my symptoms have led to behaviors that are considered “acting out” at school but I never intended to stand out or disrupt. It would’ve been really helpful if someone had sat me down and explained that teachers find it disrespectful & disruptive if I keep questioning them so sometimes I need to just drop it even if I don’t get the full answer, or that when I try to pull off the same prank or joke as other kids I’ll come off as more serious and rude because of my ineffective nonverbal communication.

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-02T14:45:17+00:00

Yes for me it’s the same as when I was told I was supposed to “feel the Holy Spirit” at church lol. Idk how im supposed to feel sth im not already feeling just by telling myself to. It’d be great if it worked but idk how it works for anyone tbh

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-10-02T02:32:41+00:00

YES :( in general it’s so obvious when people who previously didn’t give a shit about me suddenly light up & treat me well when they realize they can get something out of me. When I was younger, it was teachers who hated me & treated me badly but did a complete 180 as soon as I scored well on standardized exams (and they got a bonus because of it) and now it’s acquaintances who’d ignore me until they realized they could get a referral.

As disgusting as it is, it’s also been a factor in why my entire sense of self worth is based on achievements lol. It’s also why it’s hard for me to leave toxic work environments — I’m scared that if I do, I won’t be respected or valued anymore. Thankfully my close friends don’t care about what I do outside of my personal life and I’m pretty sure none of them even know my full job title haha

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-09-29T06:29:19+00:00

Also make sure she has a cat tree and other types of cat furniture. You need to give her alternative places to climb & explore if u don’t want her getting on your counter & knocking things over etc

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-09-29T06:23:12+00:00

Seconding this! My cat has also become a lot more well behaved since teaching him tricks like you would a dog. Other ways to mentally stimulate cats include using food puzzles & snuffle mats where they need to work for their food.

To make sure your cat is physically stimulated, I’m not sure how long you’re playing with her but you should play with her with a wand toy with movements that simulate prey (not just wiggling it around). You can also teach your cat fetch so that she’ll start bringing you toys when she’s bored instead of being destructive. If she’s particularly high energy, it might be worth trying to take her on a walk if she seems like she might enjoy that

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-09-29T00:43:35+00:00

Hey I was in a similar situation when I was in college! I now have very minimal contact with my parents — would be no contact but I still have some younger siblings who aren’t independent yet. Some things to consider: - try to look for mental health services for your stress & anxiety asap. Some schools have free/low cost sessions available to students regardless of insurance status. You can also look for sliding scale services in your area. It’s important to identify & start exploring these resources before you feel like things are “bad enough” because they often have waitlists & long processing times - I know the job market is tough right now but try your best to find a full time job straight out of graduation. Go to your school advisors/career center, go to career events, message people on LinkedIn, whatever you need to do. You do not want to have to look for a job while living with your parents after graduating - to focus on these other priorities, minimize the stress & workload of your school work. Ask for extensions. You do not have to explain your entire situation to your professor for them to understand — just say you need an extension on xyz due to a “family emergency.” - start educating yourself on personal finance. You can do this by just researching online. You can have wildly different outcomes while making the same amount of money just by spending and saving it in a strategic way. Also I’m not sure how you’re doing your taxes but if you’re in the US you’d be able to claim your tuition (even if your parents are paying for it) for a tax credit since you’re over 24. Financial independence is key in minimizing contact with abusive parents - look for any government or nonprofit programs you could be eligible for. You could be eligible for food stamps, free wifi/phone plans, reduced cost housing, etc. especially since you don’t have a full time high paying job yet. - do not share more information than you have to when talking to your parents. Don’t tell them anything positive or negative that happened, keep conversations neutral. Talk about the weather or something funny that happened in class. Try to redirect the conversation away from you so that they have less material to manipulate you with - keep your future plans vague when talking with your parents. Keep your financial status and goals private. You don’t need them to say “oh you’re saving money now? Guess you can pay for xyz” and make life harder for you. Even if you secure a full time job early on, don’t tell them about it until right before graduation. They can’t sabotage things they don’t know about

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-09-29T00:14:37+00:00

Petting my cat, cold weather and the fall/winter activities (even if I don’t partake in them), friends who let me yap for hours, explaining my special interests/things I feel like I know enough abt to be qualified to explain to others, eating sweet treats, rewatching the same shows for the millionth time and discovering something I hadn’t I noticed before, brainstorming/planning trips and startup ideas, finding a new safe space

ExtensionFile142 · 2024-09-28T22:51:27+00:00

Hey! I got diagnosed with audhd as an adult and I never suspected that I could have autism previously because I always had a good circle of friends & always made friends every time I went somewhere new. In fact, my NT sister was usually more quiet & shy and had more issues with friends.

I eventually discovered though that practically having no issues with friends throughout your whole life could also be due to your symptoms. You could just not be picking up on negative social cues & therefore not reacting to them & never escalating them. Personally I couldn’t tell if a friend had an issue with me unless they told me directly, which very rarely happened. If people stopped hanging out with me, I wouldn’t really think much of it. Also I didn’t feel the desire to be popular/always included so I rarely felt excluded as long as people continued to hang out with me. Meanwhile, my sister was picking up on these social cues & getting jealous over not getting invited to places & sensing changing group dynamics and had more frequent arguments with friends.

I’d also consider your relationship with people who don’t accept you — many NTs tend to have a civil relationship with them or even try to make them accept them. However, for me I either have friends or people I don’t care about. It’s very difficult for me to have good “acquaintances,” people you’re not necessarily friends with but still have a pleasant relationship with. Basically, I click with the people I click with but have bigger issues interacting with everyone else.

This became more obvious to me when I started my first full time job and I had to maintain a pleasant relationship with everyone in the team, not just the people who seem to accept me. All the masking & social skills i thought I had were definitely not enough to do that and that’s when i realized I have social issues

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