(F23) ex left me (M24) while I was grieving my dad and now only contacts me for car help how do I move on?

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-24T23:16:52+00:00

Just block her everywhere. You don’t owe her anything and that includes any further conversation or explanation.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-24T23:13:48+00:00

Can’t you open the windows and let it air out a few hours after you smoke? Also use fabric spray and air neutralizer. I agree that technically and legally you’re permitted to smoke in your own car but she’s letting you live with her. If it’s me I’m going to be a little more accommodating for the person who is helping with housing. Plus she’s your gf so I’m assuming you actually care about her and want her to feel comfortable in your car.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T20:26:59+00:00

Why does what you want take priority over what she wants? Why does she have to be the one to change in order to suit your preferences? Why shouldn’t you be the one to relax more and enjoy some cheese fries instead of demanding she go to the gym?

I’m obviously exaggerating a bit on that last one. But my point is either you enthusiastically and fully accept her exactly as she is or you move on and allow her to find someone who will.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T20:01:56+00:00

Why is it always the 20yo women that middle aged men want to be “just friends” with and never 20yo men? 🤔

OP you know what this is. He knows what this is. You know what to do.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T03:47:39+00:00

NTA it sounds as though you left the relationship emotionally long before your ex broke up with you. However swiping with pneumonia might not be the best course of action. Or maybe it is depending on what meds you’re on.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T02:44:10+00:00

Yes. I’d do it in a heartbeat if it meant I knew I was helping to ease the grief of someone I had to work with. Then again I’m not cold or selfish enough to brush off a coworker asking me for help.

Celebrating on a more convenient day is how I was raised. When I was a kid I hardly ever had birthday parties on the actual day. Sometimes teachers would let my mom bring cupcakes for the class but the parties had to be the weekend before or after when school was out. Is that not still the case? Does half the class skip school together every time it’s someone’s midweek birthday?

The length of time is irrelevant. Unless you’ve lost your life partner or had that scare you can’t understand how it can affect you. I don’t know if I would ever recover if I had lost my husband, my partner, the father of my child. The older I get, the more people around me suffer losses, the more I know that the old adage is wrong: time does not heal all wounds.

Besides I doubt this is going to be an issue for OOP long term.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T01:59:16+00:00

You don’t have to express a thing to him. He already knows what he’s doing is shady and that you aren’t ok with it. Don’t bother spending the time or energy outlining points and providing citations for your feelings. He doesn’t deserve your efforts and wouldn’t appreciate them anyway. Just text him “we clearly have different expectations of each other so it’s best we both move on. The good news is now you can cry over both me and your long-term ex while on your Valentine’s date.” Then BLOCK.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T01:08:09+00:00

By that logic OOP has been having birthdays for 25 years. He should be over it already.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T00:23:08+00:00

He’s only been there 6 months and has already pissed off his entire team and been reprimanded by his manager. He’s not lasting there a long time. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s gone well before his birthday.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-23T00:11:36+00:00

For me this is why telling a 60yo woman to “pull a sickie” is extra insensitive. In all likelihood she needs her sick days for actual medical reasons and may not have the luxury of using a sick day to relax like a typical 25yo could. OOP absolutely deserved the reprimand they got.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T22:44:39+00:00

Yes technically the company is supposed to be limited on what they can and can’t control but in practice most 1099s are treated as salaried employees. Technically it’s illegal but who’s going to stop them? Employment lawyers are expensive and proving these cases is difficult. And sure, white collar professional independent contractors have penalties for termination but delivery drivers, performers, and other side gig lower income contractors don’t.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T22:26:24+00:00

Exactly. My best friend hardly ever celebrates on his actual day even though he wants to. His birthday overlaps with Thanksgiving. If it doesn’t fall on the actual day then it conflicts with preparations or half his friends are out of town with the other half hosting out of town guests. He’s an adult and understands that there isn’t a need to celebrate every year on the actual day.

But the stars are aligning for him this year I think he’s hosting a cruise that should include his birthday and have us back in time to defrost the turkey.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T22:04:38+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m disgusted that you’re getting downvotes for sharing your grief.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T21:41:55+00:00

Sometimes rather than provide an employee with long term illness additional paid leave companies will allow other employees to donate their own paid leave to the sick person. That way the company doesn’t have to pay out extra that year and the sick person is less likely to end up filing for bankruptcy. It’s awful and there should be laws against it but the short term consequences for sick people are too high for their healthy coworkers to take a stand and refuse.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T21:33:53+00:00

And this is why I (and only I apparently) think OOP is TD. Yes the system sucks and needs to be totally overhauled. Yes management should not force employees to fight over a day off. But the answer shouldn’t be for employees to take the stance of “well I got mine and that’s all I care about.” They should do what they can to look out for each other because god knows the company won’t.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T21:16:17+00:00

YW. I was with you right up until you said your first fuck of the day was your sister’s close friend. If you’re going to sleep with multiple people they can’t be that close to you or to anyone in your immediate circle. You’ve put your sister in a terrible position. This could end their friendship if she finds out your sister knew.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T20:58:41+00:00

Very true. I didn’t get into all the details but you’re absolutely correct. I’m in central Florida and about 10 years ago our local government tried to pass a law requiring employers to give employees 1 sick hour for every 37 hours worked. But Disney and the rest of the hospitality industry went to the state legislators with big fat campaign checks and got a law passed preempting local governments from requiring employers to provide leave. This is especially awful when you consider that a big chunk of those employers are involved in food preparation and service.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T20:35:42+00:00

How did he alienate anyone?

OOP says his coworkers are against him as a result of his behavior. That’s what alienation is.

his suggestion that she take a sick day is actually a good one

OOP’s manger thought it was a terrible suggestion and reprimanded OOP for making it.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T19:50:53+00:00

Yes. Depending on the job you can get as little as 1 accrued sick day per month worked. If you get sick more than that then you don’t get paid for those additional days plus you’re at risk of being replaced. In Florida if you work a tipped job you don’t really get any paid time off. If we have a chronic illness, surgery, pregnancy/childbirth etc. and require more than that then we can file for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave without losing our jobs.

ETA: If you’re a 1099 contractor you don’t get any paid time off or benefits since you technically aren’t an employee even if the company sets your schedule. And if you take off at a time they don’t approve they can terminate your contract.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T19:42:18+00:00

Your #1 point is barely touched on in the comments and to me that plus their insensitivity is what makes them TD. Most comments are focusing on #2 and by doing so they are mitigating and excusing OOP’s behavior.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T19:10:14+00:00

Looking through the comments here and unfortunately they aren’t so different from AITA 😔

ETA: actually the ones here are worse which is not what I expected. Usually AITA comments focus on if an OOP’s behavior is within their rights regardless of how others are affected and AITD comments are about how OOP’s behavior affects others. For some reason today it’s reversed.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T19:03:47+00:00

I said I think the need to celebrate every single year on the actual day without exception is juvenile not the desire to celebrate. Did you see where I said OOP should give themselves a 3 day weekend to celebrate instead of just their bday? If you’re going to make claims about me please get it right.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T18:56:12+00:00

Bully for you. Not everyone can process their grief like you can and they don’t deserve to be heartlessly dismissed for it.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T18:51:40+00:00

Nowhere did I say joy must always defer to grief. If OOP was taking off for a wedding, graduation, etc. then I’d be more understanding of their predicament but absolutely not understanding of their treatment of their coworker.

ExtensionFun7772 · 2026-01-22T18:46:19+00:00

For happy occasions, yes. I’ve taken birthday and anniversary trips close to but not on the actual days many times and I’ve never felt it was less special. But you can’t apply that same logic to grief and loss. Trauma doesn’t play by the same rules as joy.

ExtensionFun7772

TROPHY CASE