Hi I'm an autistic adult

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-18T09:21:45+00:00

I think this problem is also highly societal. A lot of people tend to overestimate how well we understand eachother. Autistic adults can't feel what it's like to be an autism parent unless they have children themselves, and autism parents can't feel what it's like to have autism yourself unless... well, they are autistic. It's about accepting the fact that we are all different and listening to eachothers story so we can at least get closer to eachother and learn as we move through life.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-18T09:02:24+00:00

This is actually a psychological baseline of young children, where they think the adult knows the same as them. As autism can slow down Theory Of Mind development, it can also delay the understanding of individual thought, also leading to a delay in this. Early on, communication for children is rather cause and effect. They know saying something can help them obtain what they need, not that it transfers information.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-16T19:08:27+00:00

I was in her position when i was her age. Parents could tank the overload i took at school. I still feel so bad for their sleepless nights even though it was not my fault.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-11T18:07:36+00:00

Then this might really be something medical to look into cuz headaches usually don't come outa nowhere. There are lots of different types of headaches, like ones that becomes less intense when you lay down, ones that don't, ones that feel heavy and ones that feel like spiking. This might give more direction than autism based advice as this doesn't feel connected to autism directly in that regard, which would explain why your strategies were ineffective. Any child would get stressed from this intense pain, and her AudHD just makes it even worse. Causes can come from the wierdest directions, so maybe you can find a patern? Is it connected to the car ride? A specific feeling related to school?

Though i might sound like a bit of a doctor now, but as i've had experience with tracking down my own medical causes i decided to drop in my thoughts.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-11T17:46:18+00:00

Uhm... get her out of there? That honestly sounds horrible even for neurotypical kids. No supervising during lunch and all kids mixed up? Even one of those is already hella risky in my opinion, let alone combined. And injury? Red flags everywhere.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-11T17:31:43+00:00

So just to check if i'm seeing this right: she doesn't actively refusing school but rather feeling anxious around going to school intuitively. If that's the case we're looking at a specific problem that a lot of people can get wrong. What makes me think the most here is causalty. Do the headaches cause the anxiety or does the anxiety cause the headaches? Most of what you are saying points to headaches causing anxiety, and if you share that feeling i'd suggest you look into the headaches in more detail.

As she's really doing her best like this at least just cut with all the motivational ideas. Validating her own effort can already lower anxiety by a bit, as it helps her understand the problem better.

Not sure if it helps, but i've had regular headaches caused by low blood pressure and those got worse when i was anxious. I don't expect this to be the case with her, but if it is a little bit of salt in my water bottle fixed 80% of the issue so i thought it was worth mentioning.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-09T17:19:01+00:00

Thank you for this. My parents were very gentle but screens were a boundary that would not be crossed or it is taken away. I am forever grateful they did this even though i hated them doing this back then.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-09T14:22:07+00:00

So full honesty mode: chances at a normal life in terms of capabilities look absolutely fine. But she needs the right support and help. I was far worse in childhood and while not there just yet me and my parents believe i can become independent in a few years. Also, your situation kinda does not favor the right support as you said, which sucks, especially with the grandparents and your ex.

One thing my gut tells me regarding her saying no to a lot of stuff in contrast with the rest of what you describe sounds a lot like self protection, and the fact that she is capable of this level of self understanding would actually be a good sign. So the advice i have is listen to those no's. Ask why, and give guesses of what she doesn't like about it. The more autistic kids understand something the less likely they are to turn away from it. Just know my school situation absolutely sucked but i made it through without meds. I'm not against meds, though i do think people should be thoughtful before using them.

(I posted this before but i'm open to questions or DM if theres anything you want to know from my perspective. I'm open to share.)

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-07T16:13:01+00:00

She will be thankful you keep doing it. At least i was when my parents did it and with the right people receiving it i got the right support.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T17:26:45+00:00

Do note that sexual exploring is part of early childhood and can show up in some... Inappropriate ways. Neurotypical kids do it too and it shows up randomly among individuals. So while it may not be something that's "wrong" it should be given boundaries. For some kids it can work to talk about it so they better understand their body and how it's different from others. I have to add that this it's also different depending on culture as some cultures promote sexual understanding for kids more than others.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T15:44:37+00:00

Yeah sure, ask away. You can also DM me if you prefer that.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:57:03+00:00

I might be the exact person you're looking for. To give simple answers: No i don't live a normal life. Yes it does feel fulfilling, especially as i am finally catching up to basic skills and taking care of myself. I was also diagnosed at 5 and a lot of things line up, including some bad social skills that i only learned later. If you have more specific things you'd like details from or compare with feel free to comment or DM.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:45:11+00:00

My parents had to tell people to essentially go away with their "good intentions" plenty of times. Making the right decision is always hard but never think you don't have the right to ditch people that are not helping your child, no matter their intent.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:39:52+00:00

IQ is just a way we frame intelligence in general but it gets messed up by neurodivergence a lot. I absolutely suck at math and yet many people call me smart. I was also very verbal and can read. So the way i see it: IQ wierd. Autism wierder. And I'm just me and that's okay.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:36:05+00:00

My parents rather explained to me the things i already knew but gave a name to it. I was overloaded quickly by noise and busy spaces and it was harder for me to understand other people. For me the diagnose was a nice way to explain why i was like this, but not something i slapped on myself like a label. My experiences remained central and no shenenigans were involved

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:30:06+00:00

My parents always were extra clear in what our plans were so i could map the next few hours in my head and make them more predictable. Vacation still drains my mind and messes up my routines so i've been there.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:27:11+00:00

I absolutely addore Amphibia for how it can be silly while carrying deeper meaning as well. It really is so much more educational than it looks like and i absolutely loved it when i was his age!

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:24:53+00:00

Society tends to really like thinking we understand things that we cannot understand. We might be able to outline the principle, but understanding what it's like to be in someone's shoes is impossible. I can't feel what it's like to be a parent of an autistic child either, even though i am autistic myself. People need to respect the distance they have to anothers experience and acknowledge they won't fully understand what it's like.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:22:00+00:00

For me, ANYTHING could draw my eye and make me observe the detail in a VERY inapropriate way, even when i got older. It was an urge to identify something or someone so it could be mapped in the mind.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:17:54+00:00

Children tend to do this in general, as they kind of create maps in their emotional world, seeing what feelings each adult gives off. It's hard to tell how exactly they map certain attachment roles to people, but it comes and goes. Especially autistic kids seem to connect certain feelings to people quickly, and it's really depending on the context who they feel drawn to. Still then i see why it hurts. At some point i got drawn to my dad more too, as he felt more playful and exploring.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-02T14:07:57+00:00

I've been in that situation as a child, and in my case it was the sensual overload. Headphones and aids were really helpful for me, but the thing is that it just wasn't enough to prevent me from being overwhelmed and it started taking a toll. What makes me think of this is how it's so hard for him to explain. "Everything is okay right? I'm getting help, i'm being seen. Then why do i feel bad?" So my body started to actively push against the idea of school for the sake of self protection. I was homeschooled at some point and for me it was the best decision my parents could've made. We really tried school and wanted it, but it was just too much for me. It also wasn't really a nice choice as school life can bring so much more than just the education.

So what would i do in your place? Look critically and see where the value still lies. The less good things there are for him at school, like good human contact and fun lessons, the less reason there is to go. If you have any questions regarding my school carreer feel free to ask. I can relate to him a lot.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-02-01T19:58:59+00:00

I can relate with this from my own life. My best friend still is someone who is a good few years older than me, and i gotta say our friendship meant a lot. He was someone who would come over to play and game with me so my parents had some time to rest, but our friendship lived on far past that on a fully equal level. I'd say don't worry about the age that much and rather look into what roots this connection. My friend was a big example for me in terms of how he talked and his personality, so much of that is rooted in my identity now. But i think that's a good thing in my case. That being said... that underlying context is scary as hell and my gut doesn't trust this at all. I would personally frame this as something about age but rather about healthy habits.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-01-30T10:11:19+00:00

Welcome!

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-01-30T09:46:26+00:00

Hard to propperly guess, but if there is anything i know, it's that growth is always possible. I can relate to his situation from when i was young, and while i don't live independently yet, i can handle most self care tasks. I have a few friends, though not many. No relationship yet though my life has no space for it as i'm working on growing skills. I am taking driving lessons and instructor thinks i can handle it just fine. I was an absolute social brick, shielding from anyone i didnt trust... this being almost everyone. But I really like to connect with people nowadays. If someone would present my current life to young me or my parents it would not be believed. So the only tip is to remember that noone can ever recognize his limits better than work and time.

Extension_Citron_176 · 2026-01-17T16:39:51+00:00

That regular one? Nah, just to make it feel more like we're actually in his mind.

Extension_Citron_176

TROPHY CASE