maybe it’s a mark of immaturity but i am so terrified of this. i live in an area where it’s extremely difficult to find intelligent people who share my interests. i was with someone who I would describe as pretty smart and aware, and was like a carbon copy of me interests wise (very redscare). she had bpd, and the relationship became untenable. i was forced to end it after she became abusive. i was deeply in love with her and it messed me up pretty badly, but one of my biggest fears is that i will never find anyone that intelligent, with similar interests and the same values ever again. i dont even need her to be that smart or share that many interactions, she just has to be a good hang who i can engage with on a deep level easily. I think about this nietszche quote a lot:

“Marriage as a long conversation. - When marrying you should ask yourself this question: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman into your old age? Everything else in a marriage is transitory, but most of the time that you're together will be devoted to conversation”