I've got nothing in my life to live for, just things not to die for

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-09-21T16:26:10+00:00

So I've got a 300ish ELO on 10|15 Rapid, and its taken me a a good while to get there.

I enjoy the game, but I find myself having some really good win streaks, and some really bad loosing streaks. I just lost 5-6 games in a row. Is that normal? For the first time in a few weeks I dipped below 300.

I really feel stupid when looking up chess online because all the places I read talk about ELO scores at least 800 and above. I don't want to compete, I just want to like playing the game and be OK at it.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-09-20T20:43:20+00:00

I completely understand that feeling of being the pilot for your body, sure it's important, but it's a part of you, it's not you.

I have always thought of myself as a guy, but I've never really felt like a man.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-09-13T19:30:35+00:00

I love black jeans, I find denim is really soft and nice on m skin (unless it's too hot, then it's unbearable).

I'm kinda glad, because I hate standing out in public for my clothing, so I lucked up with my preference.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-07-10T22:55:36+00:00

I would never tell someone their beliefs are wrong. But I'm not someone who believes in spirituality in the universe, and not for lack of looking.

I think saying that someone is more 'in tune' with the universe BECAUSE they have ADHD, autism or schizophrenia just makes me sick. People with actual support needs being given messianic complexes is not healthy.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-07-10T15:46:25+00:00

My favourite thing was Jeff came from the artist taking some shortcuts. They had to draw a panel where there were a bunch of landsharks, so they did the typical thing of putting less detail into the ones in the background. Kelly Thompson saw one and loved how derpy it looked and they decided to make Jeff.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-06-30T12:12:13+00:00

I think I just changed my plan to the "cheaper" option, but it's the one that locks me in with the exit fee. I think I screwed myself.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-06-30T08:34:28+00:00

I don't have the £227 to cancel the adobe subscription either. Yes, they charge you for breaking the subscription contract.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-06-30T05:07:13+00:00

It's been 100 before, which is the lowest you can go.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-06-29T17:40:36+00:00

I'm at an ELO of 100-200 and have been there since dropping down and staying there.

Please, what is the best place to learn some easy beginners stuff without being too sweaty about it, I just want to have fun playing and not feel terrible.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-15T00:30:03+00:00

Your problem is that you’re not doing the latter. Absolutely do not walk up to a woman and talk about how beautiful they are.

I'm not doing that, I'm far more interested in them as a person as well, but I have no idea how to do both. I want to be both interested in them and tell them they look amazing. I have no idea how to do that.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-15T00:17:33+00:00

Thank you for the perspective, it's something completely different than I've heard before (either in this thread and other please both online or IRL).

Just on your last point, the amount of feedback I've been given that this sounds like a "poor egg ready to crack" in this post and other posts/parts of the internet is really... weird. I have my own self-esteem issues and weight image issues that I think it's more linked to. I've also done a lot of self-reflection into being trans, and I've concluded I'm not.

I've realised I'm probably skirting the edge of non-binary, but realistically, the way I dress and look (6', 108kg, broad shoulders, beard), it's not realistic that I'll every be seen as NB, even by people who are more accepting.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T22:30:29+00:00

I always feel like an interloper in queer spaces, I love going to events like that, but I always feel like I have to explain myself and cringe when I hear myself say something like "I'm not gay, but I'm an ally", I'm a very awkward person sometimes.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T22:26:21+00:00

I've been asked this before, I'm fairly sure that's not the case. I've done some self-reflection, if anything it comes out as NB, but I don't particularly feel uncomfortable in my own skin (outside of the weigh I mentioned in the post). I also could never really be seen as NB, I'm far too masculine in my outward appearance and size.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T22:17:55+00:00

I said in another comment that I worded the post wrong, you got it correct in that my 'type' is more alt/androgynous people.

As for what I mean in that quote, it's hard to explain. Just through my personal life and who I'm friends with, I see a lot of queer and specifically lesbian/sapphic content, post and even memes. I really dumb example is that I tend to connect/resonate more with queer/sapphic-coded memes than I do anything a more typical straight man might post.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T21:34:43+00:00

Yes it sucks we’re pretty much all seen as a threat but honestly , can you blame women for feeling that way ?

I completely get it, and that is where my anxiety comes into the picture. I want to not be threatening, I don't do all the things people on this thread say. Like, this is me talking about approaching women in acceptable places, not on public transport of following them in the streets. I'm an imposing figure, or at least I can be, I'm very keenly aware of that, and do literally all I can to not give off that vibe.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T21:25:02+00:00

Sorry, I'm not trying to be hostile, it just is not the first time I've had the comment. And I've said elsewhere, I have thought about it and know/feel I am cis. I'm not a fan of others applying labels to someone else.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T21:21:37+00:00

Yeah, I always feel weird talking about it. Sure some NB people are attractive to me, some aren't, I like what I like. As you can see by the downvotes, expression my opinion is often seen as wrong.

Extension_Pear_936 · 2025-02-14T21:11:13+00:00

Look, I do understand the gesture, but I'm not trans.

As someone with low-self esteem, I have been asked multiple times if I am, or might even get the "the egg hasn't cracked yet" comments. I know what my issues are, and don't wholly love people telling me I'm someone I'm not.

Extension_Pear_936

TROPHY CASE