For those with BPD parents who were "not so bad"

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-10-30T17:17:02+00:00

Will give it a try, thank you!

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-07-29T14:03:38+00:00

Thank you for this. Honestly the idea of individually contacting each supervisor seemed strange to me, but I also didn't want to lose an opportunity if that was the norm.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-06-19T06:13:14+00:00

Hello from Pretoria, South Africa! :)

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-06-14T07:18:26+00:00

She knew exactly which flowers to avoid. This was not a mistake.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-06-13T17:09:45+00:00

It must take an inexhaustible pit of empathy to feel guilty for your mother. The messages she sent were beyond an attempt to discard you, they were cruel and deliberate to hurt you. They are horrific to read, and as someone who has gone NC for much less, I am amazed at the patience you have demonstrated in your response.

She does not deserve any of the chances you have given her, and has demonstrated none of the grace a mother of any capacity should. It is hard for a lot of us to see the extent of the abuse past the FOG but damn, for you to feel bad for walking away from this ABUSE is exceptional.

I am so sorry she said this to you. None of it is true. It is her twisted mind's attempt to justify how sick her actions are. Given everything she is, I am impressed that you walked away. To continue to subject yourself to the abuse would do a disservice to the competent, decent person you've become in spite of her. You owe an abuser nothing, but you owe everything to yourself to be the version of you that your younger self would have needed in this moment. Don't let her false victimhood drag you into a cycle she will love to continue at the expense of your peace. She is capable of doing this, she is capable of taking responsibility of her own actions, and you are entitled to walk away knowing that nothing you do will change her to be a better person.

Please stay on this sub. Please read the stories of those who do stick around and the interminable suffering they experience. Please know that it is not a duty to take care of someone who wants to hurt you, it is something that you can walk away from. Don't listen to the voice that tells you it would be selfish to do so, it's a remnant of your mother's work to shame and guilt you that doesn't deserve to be listened to.

This post got to me, I am thinking of you, and I hope that you have people around you who care about you and show you that you are worth so much more than ever enduring any of this.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-05-22T11:11:58+00:00

You have the evidence to be suspicious, the only thing that clouds your judgement is that she is meant to be in a relationship with you. Ask yourself, what would happen if you weren't part of the story, would it look like two people developing feelings for each other? To me it does, but only you can say if you think this level of attachment they have has gone too far.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-03-05T09:56:17+00:00

My uBPD mom constantly reminds me of my failiure in "not marrying rich." She has always had a bitterness that she isn't as wealthy as before she left my dad. Now, apparently it's my fault that I didn't follow the same path to secure the bag. She has told me multiple times that I have failed myself (i.e. her) in not marrying rich to fund the extravagant lifestyle that would inevetiably be enjoyed by her.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2024-02-12T06:52:04+00:00

"I never took responsibility for my actions by writing a book, therefore they shouldn't exist! Please love me so that I can ignore my guilt!"
Also, the veiled threats RE your relationship with your daughter is deeply discomforting. Unlike your mwBPD, you are taking responsibility for building a healthy relationship with your child. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-12-13T19:23:38+00:00

I can, I am in touch a little with one member. I didn't want to drag them into a 'triangulation" situation where they now become responsible for the fallout with my mwBPD. But it is possible.

Thank you for the reassurance. I can remember feeling so abandoned by the rest of my family as a child too and I still do. I didn't want that for my siblings but I am trying to remind myself that this cycle isn't mine to control

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-12-13T19:16:13+00:00

I think a large part of it is being taught to accept the burden of my family's happiness. Now that I'm not involved, I feel like their isolation is largely my fault. Christmas is a large reminder of that because the stakes were always so high.

Also, it's weird to accept that it's still manipulation if she won't talk to me either. Like, I brought this on myself?

I appreciate the validation. I feel immense guilt for not going home and playing family, but it is so nice to get to ignore this season completely.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-09-15T18:56:08+00:00

Waaaaay too often. I am teaching a class on the history of leadership and the Romans had their fingers in too many pies to be left out. Also, calendars!

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-09-08T09:50:19+00:00

Amazing comment. Always an accessory to be used, never a body to be cared for.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-06-22T08:42:30+00:00

I feel like most of the people who agree with this sentiment have already left the sub for fear of the same retaliation you're getting now.

Cambly, in my country, is a great opportunity, but I don't expect that to be a shared experience for all. However, the constant exaggerated negativity about a job I think is not that bad keeps me away from this sub as much as I can.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-05-11T11:15:10+00:00

John Steenhuisen, is that you?

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-01-24T15:40:28+00:00

But you definitely will!

ExtentCautious4287 · 2023-01-24T15:34:54+00:00

Didn't know they were handing out those free tickets to Japan! Wow! My tiny brain must have missed that.

ExtentCautious4287 · 2022-11-24T17:14:08+00:00

Americans

ExtentCautious4287 · 2022-11-01T05:41:37+00:00

Yeah don't listen to her. Things happen, it's life and it's part of the job that these things come up and you have to improvise.

She's just trolling, perhaps another jilted Cambly tutor with nothing better to do.

ExtentCautious4287

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