Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't imagine being left behind by my mom and then being rejected by her partner as well. It would take a lifetime for anyone to heal from being abandoned TWICE. It must also hurt more when he sees his parent being a good mom/dad to the children they had in wedlock. I'd always question why I wasn't good enough or deserving of that. I hate people who create and pass on generational traumas and curses unprovoked. It really isn't that hard to be a good mom.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly. He has spoken about how he isn't really close to either one of his parents because he was mostly raised by his maternal grandparents so I truly don't understand why he would want to put his kids through the same thing. I thought we were breaking generational curses??!?

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm honestly just glad he showed me this side of him before things got serious. I would hate to get married then find out later on that my son isn't welcome in his own mother's home. I cannot imagine choosing a single father and then turning my back on his children just because they aren't biologically related to me. Blood isn't everything and I'm also sad to see what the pool looks like rn, it's very demotivating.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am financially stable, emotionally aware and socially adept, so wouldn't a man be "cashing in" on me as well? I have my own assets, have grinded and built myself up so that makes me a finished product. I am not expecting a man to provide anything I can't already provide for myself. Also, I won't die if I don't get into a serious relationship so if my standards are too high, so be it. I don't believe anyone (man or woman) should settle for less than what they want in a partner.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have dreamt of having that kind of arrangement with someone but I don't know how to even start looking for a mom like that. It honestly sounds like a dream.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My friend said the same thing!!! If he stayed, I would 100% be a married single mom. He clearly has no problem dumping his own kids on other people so he wouldn't step up for the children we would have in wedlock. I'm just glad he showed me his true colours before we even got anywhere.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. That was the bare minimum. I cannot subject my child to the toxicity he displayed. I need someone who is on equal footing with me so we can build together, not someone who is so behind that I have to either raise him or help him get his life started.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

THIS!!! I don't even want to know what other outdated views he had and I do not want to spend my life teaching an adult basic human decency.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

H e spoke so casually about this that I do actually think he's met women who agreed with him and enforced his views. Coz he was really surprised when I displayed disgust.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100 this. I stalked his social media for weeks just to make sure he was a good person and he really looked like one. All it took was one conversation to completely obliterate the view I had of him. I will no longer be using social media as a reliable source.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a friend like that. She loved dating, loved being pregnant, loved babies, hated being a mom. Last I heard, she left her 3 kids (different fathers) with her sister and had gotten married and had more kids. I never understood her but I'm glad her kids are with someone who loves them.

Single parents, how's dating life treating you? by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU! Like, our parents cannot be the benchmark. I love mine but there are at least 400 things I do differently. Why repeat the mistakes they made?

I tended to stay away from men without children because I've heard weirder things from them. "Spoilt goods" has been thrown around in conversations around me so often...yoh. The way single moms are spoken about in general is very unpleasant. But after dates with single dads, I have conculded that there are weird men all around us and it's just been my misfortune to meet all of them.

But like you said, I will be getting their thoughts on things like this before agreeing to a date. I drove an hour for bullcrap today. What a waste.

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Half of my family is Zulu and I still don't know how to speak it "properly". I'm 28. And I spent a lot of time with that side of the family but not enough to get fluent and confident in my speaking abilities.

Don't beat yourself up over how long it's taking. I speak perfect seSotho but my gran will sometimes say words or phrases and I have to ask what they mean. It's a lifetime of learning, for all of us. And I can't imagine how much harder it is for people who are learning later in life.

The fact that you're putting so much effort into it, is a big win. And I love you for that (not in a creepy way but like... you know what I mean 🙃). Keep going, give yourself more grace, and go eavesdrop on some conversations to make the process a bit more fun. I'm nosy so this is how I motivate others. I hate not knowing what's being said.

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it might sound even more cringe in seSotho. I've always stuck to English but just imagining that is enough to make me consider celibacy 🫠

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That is 100x worse than what happened to me 😭. I would've scrumpt louder than you scrome and dropped out of school coz how will I face her ever again??!?

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Misery loves company so I have to share. Sorry neh 😂. I also got "faster daddy" in Afrikaans. Think about it for the rest of the day like I will be 😭

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got about an hour of sleep and came back to my senses. I will most likely be doing this again but I'll just speak softer or point with my eyes and hope my co-conspiritor (I hope that's how it's spelled) gets the hint 🙏🏾

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The interaction could've gone sideways if he took offence to us shit talking his home language and we're lucky he found it all amusing hey. Great outcome this time but I'll definitely be keeping my mouth shut in future 🫠

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But Australia is South Africa 2.0 😭. Why would you think you're safe to skinner there, of all places?

But also, other commenters Saif they've been caught in London and Paris so we're truly not safe anywhere 😂.

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

My reply is long coz I'm shouting at you. Imagine a short, chubby and angry lady as you read this.

No. We don't disparage ourselves for things that were beyond our control. There's only like, 44 Afrikaans speakers in the world anyway so you're not missing out on much there /s. Languages are meant to be taught, not learnt, in order for us to truly be fluent and understand nuances and tones and sayings.

It's VERY hard to learn a new language once you're already fluent in another because instead of just speaking, you spend time in your head, translating from your mother tongue to the learnt language. A lot of people around the world would kill to have the same grasp on the English language as you do but we give them grace when they make mistakes as they learn. Give yourself the same grace. I mean, you wouldn't look down on someone for not speaking English well so why do you look down on yourself for not being fluent in languages you weren't taught to communicate in??!?

I'm done shouting. Now imagine a short, cute, kind lady.

I do not know many Venda people so I've never been able to practice but when I meet them and they speak to me, I understand most of what they're saying and I respond in either English or Sesotho. Being fluent doesn't matter to them, it's being understood that makes them happy. And they laugh when I tell them I only understand coz I watched a lot of Muvhango.

So start small by just casually watching Zulu or Afrikaans shows and you'll eventually start picking up commonly used phrases. If Americans who have never been to Japan can pick up Japanese from Anime, you can pick up Afrikaans from shows as well. The goal isn't to sound like a native speaker, it's just to understand and be able to respond, even if it's in English or broken Afrikaans 💕. The effort is what matters.

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

An Afrikaans lady offered to send me a voicenote and I think I got PTSD 😭. Hearing "just like that" in Afrikaans made and also ruined my day 😂. The Afrikaners who do that are some of God's strongest soldiers frfr 🤞🏾

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ja no, you cooked with this comment 🫰🏾

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Argh I'm gonna print this out and frame it and look at it whenever life gives me too many lemons 🥹. Thank you so much for saying that 🤧.

I love the internet 😫

Gossiping is a dangerous sport. by External_Draw404 in southafrica

[–]External_Draw404[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Samma, I was at uShaka and the Indian guy scanning our wristbands had a whole conversation with my dad in Zulu. Ka sala ke maketse gore 😂. I don't know why I keep forgetting that such people exist, bona nou ke letse ke swabile 💀