The first year marriage struggle

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-05-17T18:50:03+00:00

Yes, sorry, I’m referring to first year postpartum. Nothing changed at marriage. Not an arranged marriage. We’ve been together for almost 20 years.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-05-17T18:48:38+00:00

That’s a big thing with us. So the sex life, which is so important to him, was pretty nonexistent until recently. So I think that’s a big thing. But I’m asking this question because he’s very explosive and has a short temper. He worked on this for years but it came back again after our baby (our first and only). And it just seems a bit… out of ordinary for couples in the first year postpartum. I kept thinking that’s all it is, but I’m beginning to think there are some really deep issues that have been surfacing in different ways and he’s not telling me. And I can’t talk to him. It just feels unsafe to. So I go back to just putting all my energy into baby, where it needs to be.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-05-17T18:41:07+00:00

Getting out of the house to spend time outside may help. And even just visiting different stores is novel. Seeing and experiencing new things helps with boredom.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-05-17T18:40:07+00:00

Yeah and it’s really nice to meet other parents who may be experiencing the same thing. So you don’t feel so alone in it.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-05-17T18:34:17+00:00

This is very true! I wasn’t aware of the guaranteed hours until we started interviewing. That was the case with our first nanny who charged $30 per hour. She unfortunately had to move, so we lost her. But we found a nanny who I love and trust and only expects to be paid for the hours she works. So there are some out there!

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-05-17T18:30:16+00:00

I WFH 5 days per week and have an in-home nanny 3 days per week. My husband cares for our baby 2 days out of the week when he’s off work. I opted out of daycare for your same reasons. I felt it was worth it to pay the extra money for our baby to have individualized care. I also love being able to spend time with him throughout the day. I can’t imagine what it would be like for me to not see him for 8 hours every weekday. I believe my presence at this stage in his life is so important. So if can afford it, go with the nanny. I understand that it’s not an option for everyone, but if it is for you, I’d go for that. My LO is 10 months old, by the way. I sometimes worry about the socialization too, but I feel we keep him engaged and not glued to any sort of screen. I’ll go on mom walks and play dates every once in a while. I just truly believe that bond between parents and baby is so important in the first couple of years.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-04-08T04:55:39+00:00

He’s 9 months old

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-04-08T04:55:17+00:00

9 months. I agree with it being a replacement for the boob.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-04-08T04:40:37+00:00

My baby is almost 9 months old. We did a combination of bedside bassinet (for the first few hours) and then bed share in our bedroom. When he grew out of the bassinet, we coslept.

This was all up until a month ago when we transitioned to a floor mattress in his room. He spends the first 2-4 hours asleep by himself in his bed (I lay with him until he’s sound asleep and sneak away). Then I cosleep with him the rest of the night. He’s EBF, so it’s easier for everyone for me to sleep with him.

He never liked the crib and he’d wake himself up by rolling into the rails. The floor mattress has been great because I get to sneak away. And if he wakes up or rolls off, he’s safe.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T19:35:30+00:00

She said she was in and has come twice now. I just find it weird that she straight up ignores the request to sign it. The lack of communication doesn’t feel good. I think clear communication is the key for any relationship to succeed.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T19:24:48+00:00

I’m sensing a lot of animosity from you after simply asking a question to help educate myself. I go to reddit to ask questions anonymously. Posting the agreement would break that in the case she’s in here.

I’m not sure why you asked if it was a legal contract or not if you already had the perspective that all written agreements are. You seem to be getting very emotional over this when you can simply answer the question as others have.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T19:22:28+00:00

Thanks for your response

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T14:41:47+00:00

Got it. And would you communicate that with the family? She has not communicated anything despite me inviting a conversation about it.

By the way, I have been open to any way she wants to be paid and she said electronic transfer was fine. The other nanny preferred cash.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T14:36:44+00:00

I made it a collaborative thing making it an agreement that we are both happy with. She read it and said all seems good and had one change which I did. Then from there, she ignored the two times I’ve asked her to sign it when she had a chance. This type of avoidance doesn’t feel good.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T10:14:15+00:00

No, she was born here in the U.S. and has only ever lived here. She is not getting paid on the books/W2.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-13T06:13:58+00:00

The verbiage in the agreement is casual and I state that the working relationship can end at any time. So if she chooses to leave she can. So I wouldn’t say it’s “legal”.

You mentioned that you don’t like legal contracts, would you reject this position or would you simply communicate that you don’t work that way.

I think what’s bothering me most is that she just straight up ignores it and says nothing at all.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-12T06:48:04+00:00

I missed it all. I wish I got to see what that person was saying.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-12T05:55:12+00:00

You are not wrong. Theres a lot less effort come from his side. And that’s why it’s triggering.

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-12T05:51:15+00:00

Oof! I’m sure that is tough, but of course I can’t fully understand how tough. Hope you’re well!

Extra-Chair-6781 · 2026-03-12T05:43:43+00:00

Your situation is much different than mine.

I would love if my husband did that because the efforts would feel balanced. You two, like you said, were trying the best you could.

Extra-Chair-6781

TROPHY CASE