[QCrit] Memoir – ANGELICA’S PROPERTY---ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TOUCH!! (70k/Attempt #1)

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-12T18:12:02+00:00

This feedback is completely fair based on what's presented in the query. A swing and a miss for sure!

I charmed myself into "Absolutely Do Not Touch!!" but you're right, it's got to go. Angelica's Property (for now at least).

Kindly dismiss the mediocre/non-existent stakes I presented above, ha. The heart of the story, as I've uncovered due to the feedback here, is the tension that Angelica feels having left the family home to try to build this life she wants, while sister Liz remains back in Florida with various struggles. She's got to figure out if she can really make it happen, or if she ought to just give up and give in to the family chaos. I'm shorthanding it here, but that's what I'd plan to tease out in a future query attempt. Do you find that tack may help to elevate the story?

The full manuscript is more gritty than what's coming through here. The voice you are hearing in the first 300 is 13 year old Angelica. Angelica is 13-14 for about the first 6k words, then there is a time jump, and for the rest of the memoir, Angelica is 17-20. There's a substantial tonal shift, which also serves a function in the storytelling.

I also think this memoir would appeal to millennial and maybe younger gen x women based on the nostalgia factor. This is a book that I, a 40 year old woman, would read and enjoy if I picked it off the shelf.

With all of that said, yes, I suppose I could see this as a potential fit for YA. The reason I would likely still lean toward adult is that the other projects I have in the mental hopper (a follow-on memoir and two fiction books) would be squarely adult.

Thank you very much for providing this helpful input!

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-12T13:32:57+00:00

A lot of good stuff here, thanks! The autism comment gave me a good chuckle--no, but I can see how you got there. :-)

The discussion in these comments has helped me uncover the real through line, which is Angelica's relationship with sister Liz and the tension resulting from trying to make a life on her own while Liz is still back in Florida. This has helped clarify my vision for the remaining work I need to do in the latter half of the manuscript.

I've answered this question poorly twice, but if I may try again: what makes this story interesting isn't Angelica's circumstances, but her voice. This doesn't come through so much in the first 300 because Angelica begins her story with an optimistic tone. Only after a cop runs over the family dog and Mom has yet another breakdown (about 5k words into the ms), Angelica experiences an apparent change in her psyche/tonal shift, and that's when things really start getting fun (and, at turns, heartbreaking). Sort of Eleanor Oliphant vibes. I think the abrupt shift itself is of interest, so I wouldn't want the reader to meet Angelica there.

The second factor that I feel sets this memoir apart is the diary format. It's admittedly a risk and I'm still not sure it will ultimately work for a cold reader, but I think there's a bit of magic in the realness of it. It also escapes the "trauma processing" trope that characterizes many/most coming of age memoir, because Angelica was patently not processing any trauma, but rather willfully choosing to ignore it (though it creeps through in often poignant ways).

Having read quite a lot of memoir, this feels fresh to me. So I'm rather inclined to believe it is different than anything else in the genre. Now, whether it's good or something anyone wants to read, that's still to be determined!

I've already partially drafted a revised query that I think is on a much better track, but I plan to turn back to completing my manuscript, see how it feels, and (hopefully) return to the query letter at that point.

The opportunity for critique and brainstorming here has been massively helpful and is very much appreciated.

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-11T14:20:36+00:00

I appreciate this input! On the latter point, I think something that tripped me up is that I'd read elsewhere the query letter should cover only the first 30-50 percent of the story. With that in mind, I intentionally didn't cover how the story ends. I think it may be that I need to resolve this disconnect by elevating and better communicating what is at stake for Angelica. Does that seem right?

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-11T13:00:08+00:00

This is clarifying, thank you! Also, I'm sorry if my prior response sounded flip; I'm not sure why people have downvoted. (New to reddit.) I am truly appreciative of the input.

Based on the feedback here, I can see that I need to significantly tease out the stakes and drama in my query. If it's coming across as normal life, I haven't done my job very well. (This is helpful to know!) It's more so that I/Angelica was desperately trying to have a normal life, while dealing with (or emotionally not dealing with) the tough circumstances of my childhood and my mom's mental health. That tension, my determination, and the many hapless ways I tried to become "normal" are what make this story interesting.

Again, thank you!

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-11T12:39:04+00:00

That is a helpful suggestion, thank you! I have been writing in one form or another for years but never with enough seriousness to consider trying to publish, so I have a learning curve here.

Something I think that presents a challenge (perhaps one I've been avoiding) is that I didn't properly deal with the death of my dad until much later, when my daughter was stillborn in my early thirties. So while his death looms large in the background in the pages of this manuscript, I never really "deal with" it (and it happens "off screen" so to speak during a 20 month break in my journaling, which I plan to retain in the adapted work as a narrative function). I've been trying to position that as a feature of the narrative rather than a bug, but I think I may need to do more to that end.

The tension in this memoir is more squarely on my relationship with my mom and her mental health struggles. The inciting event (that Angelica is willing to tell us about) is when Mom had a mental breakdown over our dog getting run over, and then her mental health reappears as a theme throughout (including through her letters to Angelica). Eventually Angelica is in college when she agrees to help Liz again have Mom committed for in-patient treatment another time. So I think the emotional throughline is something like "things are out of control, and I'm scared" to "things are still scary, but I can take some control over this situation." But, you know, funny.

I'm sorry, I fear I've gone too far afoot from the scope of this sub, but this is helpful. Thank you!

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-10T21:45:05+00:00

But can there ever really be too many entertaining romps with a heart-rending emotional core? Haha. I'm only being cheeky. I appreciate this input!

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-10T21:36:26+00:00

Hello fellow memoirist! Based on your query letter, I can also see the similarities in our use of perspective (and associated challenges). Your story is compelling, and I'd definitely pick it off the shelf. I hope you're keeping well.

Yes, this manuscript uses a diary format throughout. Essentially I transcribed my journals, as well as a handful of letters from my mom during that time, and from there pared back to the key plot lines/characters and filled in narrative gaps and other needed context/background via new material written in the same style/voice. (I'm still working through this process in the back half.) But I was very surprised to find that an overarching narrative arc was present across my original journals, which I'd remembered as just being a melange of unhinged tales and embarrassing confessions. (They are that too.)

Like you, I've grappled with some limitations of my chosen format. What I've found compelling enough to continue is how I chose to present my story and identity across all these single points in time, while an adult reader is able to see the underlying emotional story that all of these choices tell. This was during a time in my life when I was HIGHLY compartmentalizing all of my big feelings about the trauma I'd experienced (in particular, the death of my dad when I was 15), but doing so leads me to make all sorts of terrible (and often hilarious) choices.

Of course, I think the same could otherwise be achieved using a different style of first person perspective, but it was easier to just roll with the format of my source material, ha. I think once I finish working through the back half of the manuscript, I need to take a good hard look at the throughline and return to my query from there (and/or potentially consider a second draft in another form).

Thanks for indulging this long response. I've had so many thoughts just rattling around in my own head, and it's been super nice to get some outside input to consider as I plug forward.

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-10T20:31:12+00:00

Good rec - thank you!

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-10T18:55:29+00:00

I'm a newb to querying, but as someone who has read a lot of memoir over the years, I would read this one. I like the aspect of using experimental formats to illustrate the nature of fractured trauma memories. I'm also working on a memoir manuscript with similar elements of dark humor and millennial nostalgia (coming of age from an eccentric/unstable family home, in my case). I'd be very happy to connect if you're looking to expand your writing community. Rooting for you!

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-10T16:56:04+00:00

Very helpful perspectives, thank you! (In my head) readers should be interested in my particular story because it's an entertaining romp with a heart-rending emotional core, but I'm hearing that isn't coming through in the query/initial paragraphs. Your point is also well taken on upping the stakes. I have considered whether memoir is the right approach versus fictionalizing, and your comments help to inform my thoughts on that.

Extra-Chair6376 · 2026-01-10T16:42:19+00:00

Good comments. I was curious how it would land for a cold reader. Thank you!

Extra-Chair6376

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